Exits and Entrances

Heading back to Wordpress for a while

2009-10-09T11:50:00.003-04:00

I'm moving over to one of my neglected blogs. Revamping it, giving it a shot in the arm, because there's so much more I can do with it design-wise.

For now, I'm back on Wordpress as The Pseudo Expat.

It's live but under construction, i.e. the offspring is making me a header and tinkering with the CSS, so it'll definitely change from time time.

Faithfulness

2009-08-05T13:04:00.004-04:00

I realize I've never really gotten to share my impressions of what it's been like coming home to America as an adult. I promise to. Really I do. I've been in a pensive mood lately with this business of growing. . . mature.

I was remembering my fascination with the convenience of Check Cards and drive-thru tellers and rows and rows of Coca-Cola choices the other day and realized I've never gotten to articulate my amazement. Now that I've been back for almost two years this September and the novelty has worn off, I'm sure my recollection will be somewhat altered to a certain degree. After all, isn't that what time does to all of us regardless of how old we are?

I didn't get to say much about why we left Orlando and how Nashville happened and I will. Just not today.

Today, I will share an old post I stumbled upon last year, when it was dark, and I didn't think life would get any better.

I wrote this in January of 2008.

January 2009 was when the wheels were set in motion for our lives to change.

And here we are in Nashville.

Thank you, God.

sound playing in the background: the gentle hum of the 24" iMac I get to use at work

The Best Part About Turning 40

2009-08-01T19:56:00.014-04:00

I know women aren't supposed to reveal their age but my philosophy is that since I've been told I don't look it, there's no harm in telling the truth. Besides, age is another double standard women can do without living up to. If men can proudly announce how old they are, women should too.

So there. I'm forty.

It's easier typed, than said. Believe me. I was depressed for five minutes, thinking that being a single parent with a daughter almost out of the house and on to her own life, was the end of the journey for me. That and still having unchecked life goals.

Such as:

Go back to theater. Even in a tiny role. Or as a production assistant! Or at the Front of House!

Me with orange hair and purple bangs as 5B in Repertory Philippines' Murder for Rent

Learn how to play the drums.
Run in a 5K.
Live in New York.
Live in San Francisco.
Go home to Portland.
Go to London for the 2012 Olympics.
Work in radio. Again.
Do voiceovers. Again.
Write a book.
Go back to school.

I shook off the doom and gloom with the thought that the best part is enjoying seeing K turn into an adult. A good citizen. A good woman. A beautiful, talented, smart, funny, creative, artistic, human being who knows her way around a new city all by herself.

Someday, grandchildren.

Yes, here at possibly the halfway mark of my life -- give or take five to ten years -- there is so much to look forward to; checking off these unchecked goals and then some!

But if this is as good as it's going to get, I have much to be thankful for.

I have a big God who will keep taking care of me and my daughter.

First Time at McAlister's

2009-07-31T14:00:00.002-04:00

Hoping to get back into regular posting with the new toy, my HTC Ozone on Verizon.

So here's the debut mobile post, a picture of the inside of McAlister's Deli in Brentwood, Tennessee after lunch with some of the office posse.

When I worked as a housekeeper at Governor's Square Mall in Tallahassee, I never got the chance to eat at the McAlister's at their foodcourt. I don't know why. Well, actually I do. It was out of my league. I couldn't afford it on my $ 7.50 an hour, 12-15 hour per week part-time job.

Nearly two years later, I finally set foot in one and ordered a McAlister's Club with a side of potato salad and a Sweet Tea. It was pretty good! $ 10 on lunch is a bit of a splurge for me though so I won't be back any time soon. We'll see. There's a part of me that feels guilty doing stuff without K so if I do go back, she'll be with me. Then that'll cost $ 20-25. Maybe.

We do like foodie adventures. Franchises don't actually qualify as "foodie" destinations but anything that will let me not have to cook? I'm so there.

Sent from my Ozone on Verizon Wireless

Someone's in San Francisco

2009-07-11T08:51:00.004-04:00

Kyera never really bought into this planned joint blog. It was all my idea. Her apprehension had less to do with it being "mom's idea" and more to do with her fear of being compared as a writer.

Foolishness, I said, and reassured her she's just as articulate as me.

But she's just not that into "Exits and Entrances". I'm completely fine with that because she is her own person who's talented in her own right. And I'm very proud of her.

When she followed me to Orlando in 2007 after we were apart for six weeks while her paperwork was being processed at the US Embassy in Manila, she was miserable. The prospect of being reunited with her mother was overshadowed by her sadness at leaving friends and the only country she knew. Ow!

Orlando wasn't exactly either of our dream cities. New York is, so's San Francisco, and so's Portland, Oregon (For me at least because I'm from the northwest). The first two for their great public transportation and culture, the last, because it's where I spent a good part of my childhood.

Orlando was simply a necessity - my aunt lived there and we needed a place to stay. Mickey Mouse had nothing to do with it. (My only Disney World visit was an afternoon as a hired babysitter for the twins and little girl of a wealthy single mom.)

We were miserable in Orlando. To leave someday was the only thing that kept us plugged in at our jobs. And then Nashville miraculously happened, changing our lives once again in ways we didn't expect.

While we both love it here, the cities on our dream list are still comfortably lodged, listed for a hopefully future reality. A reality that Kyera is possibly one step closer to.

It's another God story:

She's been enamored by San Francisco since she watched Princess Diaries. Her dream school - the Academy of Art University - is downtown. She sent for an information packet in '07 and was put on their regular mailing list. From time to time, she gets invitations to their Open House on the East Coast. The last week of June, she got an invitation to their free three-week summer workshop. Free!

Her dad bought her a plane ticket and friends from church helped her find a place to stay. Things I couldn't have done for her. Definitely God.

She may not be necessarily comfortable writing on this blog, but she is definitely in her element on her own site, www.kyerabianca.com.

So if you wonder where she is around here, you know where to find her. She's busy being her own beautiful, talented, wonderful self.

My Part-time Life as a Convenience Store Cashier

2009-07-02T22:04:00.005-04:00

Welcome back to America.

I tell myself this each weekend before heading to the gas station where I work.

Many people I know here – both friends and acquaintances – have at one point in their lives worked either underemployed or employed twice over. One would think that that would be the norm in a developing country but I don't know anyone in Manila who held down two full-time jobs, or one full- and part-time job. At least not among the people I knew. And working in radio while playing for a famous rock band doesn't count!

Driving home recently, I remembered when I left radio for good in 2003 to be a corporate cubicle holder and was asked if I would consider staying on the air at night or on the weekend. No way! I couldn't fathom how my body would handle the presumed fatigue.

Paradigm mind shift. Hello, fifty to fifty-six hour work week and tired feet.

So for the better part of the week, I sit at a desk and stretch my mind.

On the weekend, I stand on my feet for eight to nine hours and count money that isn't mine so I can make a little more that will be.

Good times.

Monday to Friday, I'm surrounded by colleagues who inspire me to do and be my best.

Weekends, I'm surrounded by gas station customers who test the boundaries of my luxury hotel guest services skills.

Ah, life lessons.

Ya, gotta love 'em.

Halfway into the Year

2009-06-19T22:42:00.007-04:00

I know, I know. What excuse do I have now for not updating Exits and Entrances? I'll spare you my usual sob story of busyness and go straight into the updates. God has changed our lives yet again in ways we never expected.

1. We arrived in Nashville on April 1st. I drove more than 650 miles in the rain. Colleagues from new office came over during a sudden downpour and helped us unload. It was a Wednesday. I kicked into OC gear and had all the boxes emptied and everything in its place by Sunday. Monday, was my first day at my new old job. It's been... amazing. How else can one describe leaving a minimum wage-paying hotel job and moving out of a low-cost housing apartment complex in a crime-infested part of Orlando, into a job I love and a beautifully manicured, security-code requiring apartment in Nashville?

Drove a 21' truck with a 15' trailer more than 800 miles, 650 of which in the rain, to Nashville. Exhausted, stoked, grateful, speechless.12:12 PM Apr 3rd from web

Looking out the window feeling like Melanie Griffith at the end of Working Girl. Madly in love with my job, pinching self it's for real.12:33 PM Apr 9th from web

2. Kyera found another job in the same fashion as her first one in Orlando - she was offered one without applying. So proud of my uber-talented offspring. She exceeds me and her father.

3. We adopted a brother for Rocco! We found Kirby at Williamson County Animal Control and fell in love with him the minute Kyera held him and he wrapped his long, lanky mini-pinscher/chihuahua arms around her.

4. Kyera was given a 17" MacBookPro to use for work. Gasp. Wow. An item on our yearly prayer and fasting list gets a huge check! This image is an example of the cool things she can do with her new toy.

5. Yesterday, I was moved into my own office for the next three to four months. Finally, peace and quiet while writing. Today, I went out to lunch and returned to find a 24" iMac sitting in the place of my PC. Gasp. Wow. I'm a Mac! Again! Another item on our yearly prayer and fasting list with a huge check!

Stop by again for the story of my part-time life as a convenience store cashier. Seriously.

The Beauty of Silence

2009-03-19T17:27:00.004-04:00

It's our final thirteen days in Orlando, Florida. Thirteen days. My head is still spinning when I think about this and I must admit that it hasn't fully sunken in that we are driving north to Nashville, Tennessee to restart life anew.

I can't count the times I thought that we would be stuck here - me in my job as a club concierge at a fancy hotel and K as a receptionist at an eye clinic - or how many times I gave up all hope of ever working in a job that would maximize all of my gifts and abilities; a job that would not feel like a job but would feel like a perfect fit, a glove of my former career.

It was well into my third month at the first hotel I worked at (which is the sister property of where I work now) that I plummeted to the depths of self-pity. There I was, in the first job I could get in the US (not counting my three week stint as a housekeeper) after looking for four months and sending out close to 100 resumes, busing tables, replenishing drinks, making gallons of coffee and preparing buffet presentations for high-paying hotel guests, every day. My fingers would sometimes get smeared with leftover food, my muscles would strain from lifting cases of soda and beer, my mind, seemingly slowed from lack of stimulation.

Of course there were days that I had to make difficult dinner reservations for large groups while giving directions to another theme park to another guest and reading babysitting rates for another. My radio career was good training for entertaining and talking people up!

But wallow in self-pity I did. Each day a divine act of grace to get to and from work with a smile on my face. Each day a wrestling match with my Maker.

"Father, how long is life going to be like this for us?"

"Did I make a mistake in coming to Orlando?"

"Where do we go? What do we do?"

My resumes kept going out and kept getting ignored.

Each day, silence. All I knew, all I sensed, was that God loved, that He was near and that someday, everything was going to be alright.

One day, I was promoted to supervisor at our sister hotel, which is where I work now, and then two months later, I suddenly wasn't. My glimmer of hope was just that.

So there I was, wallowing in self-pity, questioning my ability to hear God when facebook set me straight.

I wrote a quick note to one of my dear pastors, Rey Corpuz:

It's been a tough year readjusting to a country I left as a child of 12. Napakahirap po magsimula sa Amerika! (It's so hard to start life in America!) Not like people who come here on work visas who land jobs on their same career path, I'm seen as a local who lived overseas too long.

So I work at a hotel, the only place that would hire me! No complaints since I just got promoted to supervisor. I'm a club concierge and I love working with guests. (we serve food, buss tables and make restaurant reservations) But a part of me wonders if I will ever get to do what I did before - communications in the ministry.

Perhaps that is the Egypt I must leave behind? I don't know. But with each step of the way, I only thank God for even allowing me AND Kyera to have a job.

(She was hired on the spot when she got her eyes checked for glasses! She's the front desk person for a Christian Haitian optometrist, and she also knows how to measure eyesight with those contraptions!)

She's not in school yet because we haven't been able to afford it but we're believing that next year God will make it happen.

His reply left me in tears:

what a blessing to hear testimonies of His faithfulness to you and kyera. ms menchie and i are so proud of you both exercising God's gift of work. doing your work for God is real worship which i call 'workship'. both of you are 'communicating' the life of Christ in you to people around you. so you haven't left your communications ministry, you're just doing it there instead of manila with the partnership of kyera to boot. and about egypt? the real egypt is in the heart where discontent, murmuring, complaining and dissatisfaction reside. it is the heart that is not most satisfied in the God of creation, salvation and provision. come to think of it, leaving our egypt is not the issue at all; it is removing all of egypt from our heart.

And so I shut up, embraced the status quo, and became... still. No dreams other than wanting to please God, no requests other than having Him by my side, no comfort other than His Hand holding mine.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a message about a possible opening at the US office of my former employers, Every Nation Ministries. A visit, an interview, a job offer, an acceptance and then here and now, the final two weeks in Orlando.

I don't know what else to say. My fourteen months at the hotel has been a most beautifully grace-and mercy-filled season. God allowed for me to stay in a "dungeon" where I had unlimited access to free food; free movie tickets; free entrances to theme parks and concierge perks at expensive restaurants. In His infinite wisdom, He permitted me to work in a job that would show me how much I love people.

And yet every step of the way, I kept seeing what I did not have, friends and a career in communications.

So here I am, humbled, pinching myself that I am returning to the job I loved dearly, in an office I never thought I would be working for again.

We truly, never deserve the goodness He lavishes. Everything is icing on the cake of His Mercy.

Coming and Going Again

2009-02-28T16:15:00.007-05:00

Exits and Entrances has been silent not for lack of inspiration, but for fear of oversharing information. Too much has been going on that cannot be divulged. One thing that happened was sad and disheartening, and involves people whose identities I will not name here; another thing is exciting and has been long anticipated, but since the dust has not yet settled, I will wait for a better time to go into details.

What I can say, is that the daughter, the dog and I are packing our bags and leaving Orlando once and for all. How do we feel about this? Ecstatic. How soon will this happen? As soon as possible.

This now brings the total number of times we've moved to fourteen. I chronicled our former Philippine addresses into a blog and will continue the count here:

12. The Dinh Apartment, Alexandria, VA

I landed in DC September 19, 2007. I didn't accept the job offer I had there and found myself in Tallahassee, FL instead with the Turners.

13. John St., Orlando, FL

Lived with a long-lost aunt for a season. K arrived in the US November 13th.

14. XXXX XXXXX XX, Orlando, FL

The place we've called home since May 2008.

You'd think I'd be a pro at this by now but I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of leaving and moving to another state. While the stress and sheer magnitude is daunting, I must admit I'm just so ready to hit the road again and hopefully settle down for good. Good being a solid ten years or longer in one place.

Crossing my fingers. Please God. Please.

Excuse me while I disappear back into real life and start packing and boxing our lives.

Keep you posted.

Thank You, 2008, I'm Glad You're Over So We Can Take On 2009

2008-12-31T11:16:00.017-05:00

The biggies that happened to us this past year:

1. I got a job! I took a chance and returned to a hotel where I applied at last year and gave it a second shot. I was in the right place at the right time this time around and found myself employed on January 30th as a Club Concierge after waiting for close to five months.

2. Kyera got a job! We went to get her eyes checked for glasses and the doctor was impressed by her English. (People assume Filipinos can't speak English...) She offered her a part-time job on the spot and a month later, Kyera was wearing scrubs.

3. We moved into our own place! We had been living at my aunt's house until she re-married and moved out of state. Good thing our application at a low-cost housing complex was accepted!

4. I got my own website! My dear, dear friend, Roxy Francisco Kurze aka Shockboogieninja and I reconnected after a good six years and she offered to make me one. We found each other where else but online. She is a very talented, and very gorgeous, designer/audio engineer. She and hubby Jeff are a most adorable couple. She's in Michigan and we hope to see each other one of these days in Chicago.

5. Rocco came into our life! My supervisor called me one Sunday and asked if I still wanted a dog. I said yes. He then explained that his Yorkie had a littermate who was on his way to his new home when the owner changed her mind. The breeder couldn't keep him so they needed someone to take him in so technically, we rescued our little boy.

6. Trisha came to Orlando! Kyera's buddy from our church in the Philippines was in town vacationing at Disney so she invited K to join her. It was a much needed visit for my very lonely daughter.

7. The Turners came to Orlando! This family is our family because we are theirs. Kyera and I have been so privileged to be "adopted" into dear friends' families that we genuinely feel a part. We miss the Titulars, the Santos-Calayans, and the Mayugas in the Philippines but are so grateful for our family here, the Turners. When I first landed back in the US last year, they took me in and took care of me and made sure I got everything I needed to get Kyera here. They may be in Tallahassee, but they are forever our "Mom", "Dad", and boys.

8. My other best friend and her son came to visit! Len and Miguel are another family that are family. They made a side trip to Orlando on their way to San Francisco just to see us after being apart for eleven months. When I left Manila, Kyera was Len's adopted daughter.

9. Miguel came back to Orlando! To make Kyera's 19th birthday special, Miguel is spending/spent a week of his month-long Christmas break with us. He's been such a refreshing presence for us. I love him dearly like my own. We hope to visit him next year in San Francisco.

10. I got promoted to supervisor! After my sixth month at our hotel, I put in an application for a transfer and promotion. I waited for six long weeks for the phone call that would sound like this, "I'm calling to make the official job offer...." Yay!!!!

There's more to say and more to thank but I'll leave it at: Thank you, God, for being faithful to us even when we are faithless.

We are excited about the cool things we expect to happen in 2009!!

Nothing is impossible.

Happy New Year!!!!!

What Breaks My Heart

2008-12-30T01:09:00.004-05:00

I'm a big cry baby. Anyone who knows me in Real Life can attest to this fact. It doesn't take much to draw tears out of me. The waterworks flow from everything from TV commercials, poens, books, movies, choreography, photos, newspaper articles, and blogs. Stories that are happy, sad, profound, and outrageous.

Like this one about my beloved Philippines.

One of many throughout its history.

There has to be an end to stories like these. Where the bad guys get what they deserve and tears have no place.

I Want My Own Park Bench Someday

2008-12-29T09:46:00.003-05:00

Isn't this wonderful?

We found it one Sunday afternoon on a bench outside the Orlando Historic Center.

Le sigh.

Merry Christmas 2008!

2008-12-24T12:01:00.002-05:00

I know, I know. I keep threatening to blog but these days my bark has been worse than my bite. They're still stewing around in my thought stream so as soon as I make time for cyberspace beyond checking my account balance, I will spew as many as I can in one go.

I often wonder though about our little clustr map on the right. Are people stopping by to read or to borrow K's ballet photo? Either way, my hope is that the little red dots mean that this blog is helping or inspiring in little ways.

And on that note, we wish you a Merry Christmas!!!

Here's our token Christmas photo for this year, featuring the newest member of our little family, Rocco the chocolate Yorkshire Terrier that was given to us by my former boss.

My Ex-Morning Show Partner the Billboard God

2008-12-15T10:42:00.008-05:00

Zach and I had some of the best times of our lives on radio. I've blogged about some of them here on my I-don't-know-what-to-do-with-this-blog blog and shared some of our airchecks here. I think our success was based on the fact that we were not only self-deprecating but that we could throw each other down and roast each other every morning.

We created a Verbal Reality (That's radio-speak for taking what an announcer says as true.) that had people in stitches every morning. For instance, I was gone for a week to get liposuction but the press release he created about me was that I went on a tour of India to visit various ashrams. In a week! And got married to a man named Oscar Bandot. In a week! And had three sons. In a week! I came back a week later, shocked to find some listeners actually believe the tales he wove.

(He got his payback of course when he disappeared and I announced he was getting certain parts of his... anatomy... altered. And on another day, that he was shooting a film in Hollywood. You get the picture.)

We created a playground right alongside tackling relevant issues of the day. As producer, my daily goals: inform, educate, entertain the listener, could only be realized with him holding his own against me bringing mine to the table. We would have been helpless though without our faithful assistant Glenn Sibal (more on him in another blog).

One of the jokes we used to throw out on occasion was that either of us had a billboard on EDSA - the major highway that connects the north and the south of Metro Manila - endorsing whatever product we currently favored. That has actually happened for one of us. The billboard part that is.

As for the briefs, Zach favored the aged kind with bacony garters. (We auctioned off our underwear one time... don't ask why. The winner actually came to claim their prize.)

You've come a long way, my friend. I terribly miss the fun we had. You were the best morning show partner any domineering, female co-host could ever ask for and I love you for it.

(P.S. Zach is the drummer of popular Philippine rock band Imago. He got his body from capoeira and working out like a former morning show host who probably now uses his mornings to get to the gym.)

Modest Needs

2008-12-10T09:57:00.003-05:00

I got a most compelling e-mail from a complete stranger. It wasn't spam, nor bacn. It came from a man who was instrumental in helping me and Kyera get out of a temporary financial set back last June.

To make a long story short, money I was expecting to cover the deposit on our apartment didn't come and I had absolutely no one to turn to for help. (It's been one of my toughest realities since resuming my life back here in the US; tougher still because whereas before I was an only child being raised by a widow, now I am here, single parent, raising an only child.)

I heard about Modest Needs at work, crossed my fingers, and visited their website - http://www.modestneeds.org. Their mission in a nutshell: to help normally self-sufficient individuals get back on their feet.

I applied for a grant and hoped for the best. Each day as I logged in to see if our request had been funded, I prayed, sometimes fearful, sometimes hopeful, waiting for the small change from around the world to come in. Thirty days later, I got e-mail with this in the subject line: Help is on the way. I posted my thank you on the site and a few days later, a check came in the mail made out to our apartment complex.

In these tough economic times, Modest Needs has a total of 447 individuals on their site waiting for a grant. The e-mail I got was a simple request to help spread the word for these people. Having once been in their shoes, how can I deny them the help I myself once received?

Small change may not seem like much but it has the power to make a big difference in someone's life. Hopefully, this blog and the others I keep will help do the same.

Sunday Thought Swirl

2008-11-16T11:21:00.005-05:00

I'm cooking a late brunch. It's my first Sunday off since becoming a supervisor at our sister hotel. It goes without saying that Kyera and I have been missing church. Missing our church in Manila, to be exact. If you've read through the older posts on this blog, you'll notice that at the start, I would wander off onto a spiritual tangent from time to time. It was much more evident that my faith was/is such a huge part of my life.

I guess somewhere along the way - as with many other things in life - I tried striking a balance by including other aspects of our move into this blog. I find it difficult to articulate this morning; this looking back at where we were and where we are. (No doubt, due in part to the new omelet recipe I'm trying out and in the middle of cooking...) But two things come to mind that almost explain what I think and feel after a year back in the US. They'll be blogs very soon:

The Novelty of Squirrels, and
In Search of the Perfect Door

Happy Sunday! Wherever you are and whatever it is you're doing.

Krispy Kremed

2008-11-04T10:01:00.001-05:00

Got our free doughnuts after flashing our 'I Voted' stickers at the Drive Thru. Sadly, they're not star-shaped as advertised.

But what the hey, they're free for voters!

Now the question is: Do we now hit Starbucks for our free cup of coffee?

The Difference Between Missing and Remembering

2008-10-24T20:06:00.004-04:00

I have days wherein it doesn't take much to remind me of Manila and my life there. An Asian product here, a Tagalog sounding word there, and suddenly I'm back in my beloved, hot and humid country, sweating like a pig, hair frizzy and skin sticky.

Some days, I'll be in the middle of doing the most routine of tasks and I'll be reminded of someone. Or to be more exact, that someone doing the said task much better than me. I had one of those moments today. I was driving our twelve year old Chevy down Highway 50, listening to its many creaks and groans and moans when out of the blue I thought of one of the safest drivers I have ever been driven by, Angelo Barretto.

It was a rainy night past midnight in November 2000 and Angelo had just flown back to the Philippines after bagging the Gold medal from an endurance race in Europe. I was his unofficial publicist at the time. (We met when he guested on my morning show, Zach and Joey in the Morning, in 2000.) He had been racing - and winning - across Europe without any sponsorship deals back home and I wanted to help his cause by connecting him with all my (at the time, traditional) media friends.

He won, I helped people know, the press awarded him Driver of the Year 2000. He came home to a TV channel crew welcome, monsoon rains and a surprise welcome back party. We partied with his closest friends and supporters until finally calling it a night at 3AM. The Barretto family chauffeur was going to drive me back to my radio station where I had left my car.

But seeing how slippery the roads were and how low visibility was, Angelo took the wheel. Jetlagged and exhausted from traveling halfway around the world, he reasoned he felt he was the better driver for the conditions. Fresh from his victory on an endurance track where driving for 24 hours is the norm, none of us argued with him.

We flew steadily and safely down the main road called EDSA - his brother, his driver, and his publicist. I felt... secure. His steady hands and able maneuvering had us all dozing off that by the time we arrived at my building twenty-five minutes later, we hardly knew we had stopped.

I remembered this night today and as I thought of Angelo and wondered what he's up to these days, I caught myself in mid-missing and realized our friendship does not so much warrant a longing as it does a remembering.

Now that I have been back in the US for more than a year, I'm learning more and more how to distinguish between the two.

Slowly, the things I once thought I could not bear to be without are merely things I remember.

I guess this is what happens when a new life takes the place of an old.

Reinvent

2008-10-22T22:14:00.002-04:00

I was promoted two weeks ago to supervisor at our sister hotel so I've been spending the time learning the new systems, the culture and the cast of personalities known as The Staff.

In all honesty, I've been kicking and screaming along the road called my hotel career, seeing that I landed on it purely out of necessity. Translation - nobody would hire a former web writer, training manager and morning show host and producer who lived too long overseas (this is debatable) other than a hotel for a concierge position.

But six months, five interviews, and two months after joining our upper upscale hotel chain, here I am now, doing the same thing and then some. There really is so much room to grow at the hotel. So much room to grow in America if one is hardworking.

Ask me if I'm happy though. I'll tell you I'm deeply grateful for not only having a job but for getting promoted in less than a year. That doesn't answer the question of happiness though.

This is the part that I'm still trying to figure out.

Trick or Treat-ish

2008-10-20T17:56:00.001-04:00

Holly, Bridgette, Kendra... Joey?

Not!

On the Economy Through Third World Eyes

2008-09-29T19:06:00.002-04:00

While it is supposedly no longer politically correct to use the terms First World or Third World as these are now known as Developed and Developing respectively, I figured Third World sounds better as a blog title. I write it with pride, having lived in such a country for twenty seven years.

Over lunch at work recently, a colleague and I glanced at the cafeteria TV tuned into CNN when news of an economic bail out plan was announced. I couldn't help but comment that until one has experienced living without anything, can one find the right perspective through all of this.

"I come from a country where people live at dumpsites and make a living sifting through trash. This is nothing."

He looked at me in as much agreement he could muster.

"I guess it's all a matter of perspective," I continued.

He smiled. "I guess you're right."

I wonder what will happen in the next six months. If anything, K and I have lived through a season of homelessness and noodles and hotdogs before. I guess if we have to go through this again, we can always say we've had practice.

The Joy of Working at a Hotel

2008-09-27T12:38:00.003-04:00

Dessert today at the employee cafeteria. For real.

A light and fluffy white chocolate pyramid.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Heads or Tails

2008-09-26T14:12:00.005-04:00

Killing time at the library where the air conditioning is cold and the Wifi is free. I'm listening to Broken Social Scene's Shoreline. I do this weird thing wherein I can listen to a song on repeat for hours (My last.fm spins will prove it.) and just get lost writing.

I don't know why I do this. For some reason, a song, or songs, put me in the zone to blog. And judging by how sporadically I've been posting, I haven't had much time to listen to my iTunes!

One of the reasons I wanted to move back to the US is to go back to school. Not just the many libraries with free Wifi and fifty item checkout limit. Nor the amazing convenience of debit cards and online shopping... It was the possibility of going back to school. One of my unfinished and much lamented unchecked goals in life. I've been out of the classroom since getting pregnant at eighteen. Marriage and morning sickness made me leave university a year shy of a degree in Literature.

The past twenty years have given me an education in the School of Hard Knocks where I earned a Master's Degree. But I want the real thing now. I think in my late thirties, it's safe to say I'm done with angst and finally ready to be a grown-up.

So here are my choices:

A) Finish my degree in Literature or;
B) Get a degree in Public Relations.

The former was born out of my love for books; the latter, from eighteen years of working in communications, i.e. broadcasting, call center communications training, web content maintenance.

The US has not been kind in my job search for something similar to my experience so I figure I'll just start from scratch. In the meantime, I shall keep slugging away at the hotel. And since I just got promoted to supervisor, I have no complaints.

Let's see where this goes.

Friday Night Lights the Twitter Way

2008-09-15T19:27:00.004-04:00

As I stand here at Hard Rock watching local rock bands, I must admit I miss my sometime rock and roll lifestyle of yore minus the bad stuff. 10:07 PM September 12, 2008 TwitterBerry

The bassist on stage reminds me of my Philippine famous ex-husband with the long hair and the headbanging. 10:37 PM September 12, 2008 from TwitterBerry

Trudged home half deaf before turning into a pumpkin, resolving we shall start hitting the clubs to catch more bands. We smile at tonight. 11:41 PM September 12, 2008 from TwitterBerry

My Kids

2008-09-10T14:38:00.001-04:00

I realize I need to streamline and further niche this blog to reflect only my observations and reflections on returning to a country I used to call home after twenty-seven years.

That though is debatable. After almost a year since coming back, I pine for the Philippines and often find myself thinking of it as home.

I still feel dislocated and untethered at times. For now, home is where my family is, and that would be our apartment in Orlando.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Lingua Diaspora

2008-08-28T21:49:00.003-04:00

My Haitian friends and colleagues at the hotel I work all fluently speak Creole. Of course, you're probably saying to yourself, what else would they be speaking? People who migrate, carry with them their language and culture, right? I thought so myself. One day at the lounge, I asked my fellow concierge what life is like in Haiti. His reply? "I've never been there!" This elicited a "Really?!" from my lips. "But you speak Creole so well. Is this what you speak at home?"

"Yeah. Our parents use it at home on us. Why?" He found my question amusing.

"Wow," I defended myself. "Filipinos born and raised here hardly ever learn how to speak Pilipino…"

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Most of them can understand bits and pieces of it but for the most part they can't speak it to save their lives; they just understand it a little bit. In all honesty, I have yet to meet a Filipino who was born and raised here in the US who knows how to speak Pilipino fluently. Could be I just haven't met any yet, too. But the ones I have, don't."

Our conversation got me thinking about the veracity of my hypothesis. And made me wish I had paid attention many years ago as a freshman at De La Salle University in my LANGSOC class.

I learned Pilipino only when my mother moved us back to the Philippines when I was twelve. My childhood was conducted entirely in English simply because my American father didn't want me learning any other language. He thought it would confuse me. Or give me a Filipino accent. Eventually, I did learn, I never got confused, and I speak English like I'm from the Midwest, devoid of regionalism. (Fairly recent studies though suggest that the Midwest accent may not be neutral, but I digress…)

My Pilipino though is another story. As a VO in Manila, Tagalog ads were always a challenge. "It's too twangy." A producer would say to me from the other side of the sound booth. So I would do several more takes before walking out of the studio with a sore tongue and mouth from exerting different muscles (It's a linguistic fact).

Growing up in a predominantly white neighborhood, I would always feel embarrassed when my mom would accidentally let out a Tagalog curse word or yell out a part of the female body as an exclamation from either A) a surprise, B) pain, or C) anger. It made me feel that my skin was as brown as hers and that no matter how white I sounded, my complexion would always make people think I "talked funny" like my mom.

For the most part, my childhood was colorblind. Sure, kids thought I was Chinese because I looked "oriental" but I was always accepted as just a regular American kid who happened to have a nice permanent tan. Only once, was my "difference" ever put on display.

It was the fourth grade and a new kid had just enrolled at Peninsula Elementary. He was a boy from Cebu named Arthur who had just migrated to Portland, OR. Unlike me who spent my whole life – up until that time – in the US, Arthur had an accent. Kids wondered out loud, "Why does he have an accent and you don't?" Neither of us understood why but there was an attempt to have us two Filipino kids "communicate in our native language".

"Come on, you guys! Say something to each other in your language!"

"Um, my language is English. What am I supposed to say, 'hello'?" I was irked.

"I'm from a different place in the Philippines. I'm from Cebu. She doesn't speak my language. It's different." Arthur explained.

"Just say anything! Like 'hi' or you know, whatever you use to greet each other in your language!"

Our teacher joined the class in prodding us. "Do you have a basic phrase at least to share so everyone can hear?"

I was uncomfortable but turned to Arthur questioningly. He asked me if I knew how to say 'how are you'.

"'Koo-moo-stah' is all I know," I said.

"She really doesn't know how to speak," Arthur concluded. "All she knows is 'how are you'."

"I told you guys!" I exclaimed.

I tried hard to avoid Arthur because I didn't want to be labeled like him, "different", "speaks with an accent", or "funny looking". My seven year-old mind cruelly didn't want to be friends with the one person whose complexion I shared in a sea of white and black. Here and now though, thirty years later, I am constantly looking for a Filipino face in the crowd. Whenever I do, more than just 'kumusta' comes from my mouth. And if for some reason, God decides to give me a husband and more kids, I'll make sure they grow up speaking both their parents' tongues.

written at the park while waiting for kyera's class to end

Fay's Gray, Diva Gloves and Banana Bombs

2008-08-25T22:09:00.007-04:00

We were rained on and blown on by Fay last week, making us feel like we were home in our beloved Manila at the height of a typhoon, sans the flooded streets, long lines for buses, jeepneys, and tricycles, and butt-numbing traffic.

My life these days seems to be about cleaning both at work and at home. It's been my biggest adjustment - life without my maid - but I seem to be getting good at it. All I need is a pretty pair of dishwashing gloves.

An ice cream truck drives around our apartment complex in the afternoon while playing really loud, ice cream truck music. Kind of like the Pied Piper I guess. Kids are supposed to come running out of their homes as music and truck roll by. It reminds me of an ice cream truck from a year in my childhood when we lived in Vancouver, WA. Our house was at the end of a long cul-de-sac but my sharp six year-old ears could hear the truck a block away. Ever since moving in, I have been wanting to complete the memory by stopping the truck and buying myself a cold treat. I finally did. It tasted just like the banana-chocolate ice cream from my youth.

posted while watching anthony bourdain's no reservations in egypt

She Bought Us Lunch

2008-08-24T12:47:00.002-04:00

The tables have turned. I'm enjoying this while I can.

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We Hauled

2008-08-14T10:00:00.002-04:00

Now that my best friend and her son have headed to the West Coast and we Orlandoans are settling back into our quiet, best friend-less existence. I'm trying to play catch up with this blog more consistently. Once this is back full steam ahead, I'll start poking around my other neglected web presence lairs. Whenever that will happen...

Kyera and I are no strangers to moving. In fact, we are veterans at it. We moved twelve times in our last ten years in the Philippines. From our home in Paranaque, to condos and apartments in Pasig, Marikina, the Ortigas Center, Mandaluyong and Paranaque again, we managed to go from a five-bedroom house when my mom was alive, to a two-bedroom townhouse before moving to Florida. In the process, we've lost things, had things stolen from us, and given away more than we owned, all with the help of a beloved house helper. Twelve times was a cinch because of Coni, Jenny, Jerome, and Mary Ann. They each worked with us at different times but without any of them, we would not have been able to keep our sanity through each round of packing and unpacking.

My part was easy. Call the movers, book the movers, pay the movers, and make several trips hauling what I could in my car. I told the girls what to pack, they packed what I wanted and unpacked where I wanted things to go. That, and still making sure K and I were fed and had clean clothes to wear.

Now that I am in their shoes and then some, I can't help but laugh that this is payback time. In a karmic way, the combined exhaustion of all my helpers seems to have been collected from me in just one move here in the US. One official move, that is, from my aunt's house to an apartment. (DC to Tally to Orlando in two months doesn't count since I was living out of two suitcases.) We would have had just two suitcases each to move were it not for my aunt emptying the entire contents of her house onto our laps! We moved into our two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment with more than what we actually needed – a washer/dryer, a bed, a couch, kitchen chairs, two TVs and millions of spoons, plates and mixing bowls. My Turners from Tally came to visit and bought us a kitchen table and other essentials. Then my pastor gave us a bed, a coffee table and a TV. Three TVs and no cable and two laptops and no internet (We got online starting last Saturday!). But still!

Ten months later back in the US and I'm learning new things about everything at every turn.

Utilities are connected after a phone call or internet payment. Not so in the Philippines. Electricity and water is already available when you move in unless you live in an area that requires a water delivery service. Cable and internet require applications and waiting periods.

Here, applications, credit, background and rental history checks are needed before moving in. In the Philippines, you see a place, you like a place, you pay a reservation fee or a full down payment and the place is yours. After you give a down payment though, a Philippine landlord lets you have the keys to the place to give you time to move in at your leisure. Not so the case here. You only get the key when all documentation has been signed and a move-in date has been decided.

So many differences but the one thing that is the same is the exhaustion that comes with moving. Our muscles were pushed to their limits. I think that's bound to happen no matter where in the world you are unpacking. Unless, of course, you have your own live-in maid to do it for you. If not, welcome to the club.

Here are some scenes of the fun we call, "Moving House":

Oh the lovely boxes that filled our shared room in my aunt's house.

It often felt like we lived inside a huge box within a box. But it was home for us for seven months.

We never imagined the day to move out would come so soon. Or that we would have seven-foot pastoral help carrying our furniture.

We were pretty sure our old car would be our trusty workhorse.

And that we would have to make another trip a week later to pick up more stuff.

And ultimately, become a present resident where we had once been a future one.

posted from our dining room in the newly connected $ 20.00 monthly internet subscribed abode

The Bestie and Her Son

2008-08-07T15:22:00.004-04:00

We haven't seen each other in almost a year, so K and I are ecstatic to have them stay with us before they head to San Francisco.

Another Alabang breath of fresh air is in Orlando.

taken at panera at mall at millenia where wifi is free

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Getting Back Into the Groove

2008-08-04T19:35:00.004-04:00

Since my last post, life got in the way and I found myself caught up in the daily-ness of living. While I'm not one to shy away from the internet, I am one to find myself kept away from it for lack of internet connection and/or lack of computer. You'd think that since getting my $ 50 BlackBerry, complete with data plan, that I'd be updating and uploading away everyday! Ever organized me certainly has a blog or networking site for any occasion or… mood. Twitter, Pownce and Jaiku for mini-blogging; WordPress for work; Multiply for my Victory Christian Fellowship, Every Nation Churches and Philippine networks; Vox for randomness; tumblr for cyberfinds and picture stories; spock, last.fm, iLike and facebook for everything else. The goal was to update everything at the touch of my mobile BlackBerry fingers.

But the road of blogging intentions has blocks known as "waking up at 4:45AM to be at work by 6", and "getting off of work at 2:30PM to take the bus to Kyera's office to go home together at 4PM" and "getting home at 4:40PM to clean the house, do laundry, dishes and cook dinner", and "falling asleep the second my head hits the pillow at 11PM".

Before you accuse me of whining, please know that I spent the last twenty-seven years of my life in a country where having maids is the norm. While my parents did raise me in the US without household help, moving to a country where you don't have to do any of this does make it hard when you move back to a country where you do. Sure, I don't have to do laundry by hand (which I am proud to say my mother did teach me) and I have all these toys – vacuum cleaner, dishwasher, hardcore bathroom cleansers, etc. – to make having to do all these things easier, but the cold fact is that I still have to do these things myself. My chores won't magically get done without my fairy dust a.k.a. sweat.

So, in between all these fun activities, we managed to move into our own place, Kyera managed to get hired part-time by her eye doctor, we got another laptop care of something called "Credit Limit Increase", and Rocco became part of our family.

We're not connected to the internet yet but now that I have my laptop all to myself, I am re-managing my time by spending my Sunday afternoons at home blogging and posting through the magic of time stamping. Free Wi-Fi at the library is an amazing thing. And so's the one at Panera at the Mall at Millenia.

Let's see how this goes.

song playing in my head: madonna's get into the groove

Welcome to Club Diaspora

2008-06-09T08:47:00.003-04:00

It's a rare moment when our laptop is free for me to use. Sharing it with an eighteen year old really means 95:5. She has it 95% of the time while I'm on it when allowed. Which is when she's sleeping.

So all these blogs that I have incubating inside my head never make it to my fingers until rare moments such as these. I'm stealing time. While there is nothing like writing in the moment, the compositions in my mind get edited and take a different shape as I type. But I'm not complaining. The light of day is the light of day.

There is a large table at our hotel's employee cafeteria where the Filipinos find themselves at lunch. We're all from different departments - Housekeeping, Concierge, Front Desk, Stewarding, Kitchen, Storeroom - yet there is no such thing as rank & file or manager among us when we are together. We are just Filipinos who now call America home and who long for the Philippines in varying degrees. The streets of Cubao, the posh of The Fort and Alabang, the quiet of Ilocos drift into our conversations always followed by the question: "Kelan kayo huling umuwi sa atin?" ("When did you last go home?")

(I have come to terms with calling myself a true Filipino-American. Not an American of Filipino descent like others who spent their childhood or entire lives here but equal parts American - courtesy of my father and childhood in the Pacific Northwest - and Filipino - courtesy of my mother and my twenty-seven years in Manila.)

Who we were back home doesn't seem to matter to any of us here in the US although little hints and traces of our lives in the Philippines slip into our conversations from time to time.

"Saleslady ako ng sapatos noong araw!" ("I used to be a shoe saleslady!") Said a bathroom attendant to me one day when she was resting her feet in the changing area and realizing that at her age, the long hours prove her feet can't keep up with her.

One busy noon at the table we share, exhausted from a hundred percent occupancy, a wardrobe attendant and I sat in silence together, lost in our separate thoughts while eating the day's free meal voraciously.

I broke the silence in between bites. "Grabe, pagod na pagod ako." ("I am so tired.") She agreed. "Dito lang ako sa Amerika nagtrabaho ng ganito kahirap!" ("Only here in America have I had to work this hard!")

I smiled. "Back home we at least had an hour for lunch. And then of course there were all these little breaks in between! Dito, thirty minutes lang talaga ang pahinga." ("Here thirty minutes is all we get to rest.")

"Akala ng mga tao sa atin we're so rich because we're earning in dollars. Hindi nila alam bawat sentimo, pinagpapaguran natin." ("People back home think we're rich because we're earning in dollars. They just don't know that we work hard for every cent we make.") She commented.

We finished our meals in silence and wearily dragged ourselves back to our floors and duties. As I took the elevator back to the seventh, I couldn't help remember the season in my life as a Training Manager. A boss. And how cushy life as a manager in the Philippines was like - not in the trenches but calling the shots from a nice office with a view. Some days I remember my sixteen-twenty hour days/nights at the call center and regret wishing for a job that was eight hours and simple. Nowadays, while I'm so thankful to have a job, I'm reaching the point of wanting more of a challenge beyond making coffee and dinner reservations.

But such is life in the diaspora. It's damning and it's a blessing. Here we are all on equal footing. It's what you do with your steps that makes a difference. The choices are easy - long for what you once had, or make the best of the cards you've been dealt.

"In my country, I was a lawyer." Said a Haitian recently. "Then why don't you just go back home if you don't like being a guard?" Came the reply from a Latino-American face. The Haitian didn't reply.

Sunday Night Art

2008-05-19T07:44:00.002-04:00

It's been awhile now since we've watched any arthouse films. Living in Orlando, one's expectations of such endeavors are thought not be realized. Or so we assumed.

But before we are accused of being hypocritical tourism capital living, big blockbuster watching poseurs, allow me to explain. Kyera and I love movies. Plain and simple. I've dragged her to watch things beyond her years and I'm happy to say that she's developed a wonderful taste in cinema. All kinds.

Today we found a movie we've been wanting to watch - Young@Heart. It was recently in limited release very briefly. Tonight it's at a cinema cum cafe called Enzian Theater. Cinema with restaurant style dining inside the auditorium kind of cafe. Pretty. Cool.

We ordered a Margerhita Pizza. Since K got in on a Student Discount, we splurged a tiny bit.

Check it out at www.enzian.org for details.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Alabang in Orlando

2008-05-04T12:55:00.002-04:00

Kyera's good friend Trisha was in town recently doing touristy stuff. She was one of the last people K got to speak to before boarding a plane to join me here almost six months ago. As fate would have it, Trisha is one of the first of our Alabang friends to visit Orlando.

May she be the first of many. And may this be the first of her many returns.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

E&E on PinoyCentric.com

2008-04-27T15:20:00.002-04:00

I had minor surgery the other day and have yet to blog about that and share pictures from Kyera's driving test. Just posting this quick note to share that one of the blogs was re-published on the website - PinoyCentric.com. You can find it here.

2008-04-23T23:41:00.002-04:00

Hi! This is Kyera. I haven't posted on here in a while... So I figured I should just link one of the blogs I wrote on my Multiply. I update my Multiply more often than I do here.

Kyera's Multiply

A Little Bit of Italy in Orlando

2008-04-17T21:35:00.001-04:00

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

United Colors of Thelma

2008-04-14T20:21:00.003-04:00

"Puerto Ricena?" The guest smiled at me as I waved hello.

"No", I smiled back as I continued walking. "Filipina!"

I get this a lot. The choices are always that I'm from: Puerto Rico, Panama, Thailand or China, or a mixture of any of the above, but never the Philippines. Unless it's a fellow Filipino asking me where I'm from. Even then, there is always doubt in the asking.

I often make the same mistake. My heart skips a beat as I tentatively ask, "Are you from the Philippines?..."

"No," came the reply one day from the pretty girl with brown skin and long black hair. "Indonesia." She smiled.

But the one thing that I am never wrong about is detecting a Filipino accent. My years in broadcasting trained my ears to discern my fellow comrades in radio and TV commercials. "That's Rey." I would declare at my car radio while stuck in traffic on EDSA as the Mitsubishi ad came on. "May has yet another ad I didn't get hired for…" I would continue when the latest PLDT commercial played. "And this one went to Lily…" I would announce as a Pamper's commercial aired. It's a gift I have not been able to use since arriving in the US last September. This knowing-who-it-is-who-did-the-ad trick of mine.

What I do get to use this skill for is in knowing when I'm speaking to a Filipino either in person or over the phone when I call Dell, or Capital One, or the Orlando Sentinel, or Sprint… The first thing I ask is – "Pinoy (or Pinay) ka?" After which, I proudly launch into my second tongue and conduct my side of the customer care call 95% in Tagalog. Depending on the company, the poor rep is sometimes not allowed to speak in our shared tongue, so they politely tell me so, to which I say, "Okay lang! (That's fine!) Ako na lang ang mag-Ta-Tagalog para sa atin dalawa. (I'll speak Tagalog for the both of us.)" They always laugh. Having once been a Training Manager for Customer Contact Centers in the Philippines, I know how tough their jobs can get so now that I'm on the other end of the phone, I figured the least I could do is let them hear a kindred language.

The Voice Talent in me has nearly mastered a New York accent courtesy of one of my colleagues who was born and raised in the Bronx. When I'm on a roll, Edwin tells me I sound pretty good. I don't know if I could keep it up consistently in Manhattan though should I decide to pass myself off as a local when or if I get to visit. I am absolutely sure though that I can say "cawfee" just like Fran Drescher.

The hotel is the perfect place to hear accents and to learn the most basic greetings in at least four languages – Creole, Spanish, Russian and English. What amazes me is how similar Tagalog and Spanish are. Words that I never realized found their origins in Spanish now play in my ears in a new way.

"Como esta?" is merely the longer version of the Filipino "Kumusta?" The phrases go on. We greet each other in the hallways in each others' languages. "Kumusta ka?" comes at me from an African American face. Or I'll smile a reply to my Latino friends' greetings, "Muy bien!" Or "Todo bien!" in Portuguese.

It's all good. Soon, I will learn more than just hi's and hello's. You never know where life can take you. Another language or two can always come in handy whether in person or on the phone back home with a customer service rep who just might find it amusing to hear a caller half way around the world speak his native tongue.

A Day @ The Lounge

2008-04-14T02:05:00.004-04:00

Everyday is about restocking, refilling, replenishing all food and beverages. And washing dishes.

Hmmm.

Oh. And making sure guests are happy.

Carrying cases of water and sodas and gallons of coffee are giving me strong biceps.

Seriously.

Sneaking in Another Quickie

2008-04-03T11:58:00.003-04:00

I'm alone in the lounge as I type this. I wouldn't be able to do this otherwise. Today, I worked my usual opening shift but since I managed to get extra hours at the pool, I'll be working another eight hours handing out towels.

It's been a tiring week so far but I had to take advantage of the rare chance to do overtime.

Six Months and Counting

2008-03-26T19:19:00.005-04:00

I missed my six months of being back in the US mark . It came and went uneventfully last week on March 19. I celebrated it sans blog and nose to the grind at the new job. Yes. The new job that has been keeping me from blogging. New job that has me on my feet for seven and a half hours straight and teen-age daughter, that is. Teenage daughter who has our laptop perennially attached to her hands to be exact.

So today, as said daughter was in the middle of reviewing for her college placing exam, while I checked my e-mail, I sneaked in this blog. I don't know what has been tiring me more. The having to stand on my feet all day long, the constant refilling, re-stocking and replenishing of food and beverages where I work, or the thirty minute break for lunch that never seems to be long enough?

I have so much more to say than the nothing I have been saying since my last post but let's keep this one short and sweet... and painless, and limit my thoughts to a simple "Thank you for cheering me on while I looked high and low for a job."

Now that I have one, the question now is whether or not I should find another one to bring more money in. Or another job altogether. Or be still and keep this one and see what happens.

The nametag? I decided to use my old radio name. It makes for an interesting conversation when guests ask if my real name is Josephine. I get to tell them that I used to have a morning show... in the Philippines. No one seems to be shocked that nowadays, I make coffee and clean tables at a lounge. If anything, they are amused at my sense of humor and enjoy that I keep the coffee and pastries coming.

Call it a captive audience. Only this time, I don't have a microphone but I have lots of food.

Dear Blog Reader

2008-03-04T15:58:00.003-05:00

It's been exactly 62 days since I last posted an entry. Assuming you have been dropping by periodically to see what's been going on and whether I finally got a job, I have good news and good reason to explain my absence. I did get a job!

I am not at liberty to divulge the specifics of where it is that I work (pending further research into the organization's blogging policy) but I can say that I am at an important hotel here in Orlando and that I am a Concierge. I am having a blast putting all of my past experience to good use in this my first Hospitality/ Hotel position.

While I have much to say on how I'm transitioning into this new role, I'll save this for another blog for when I have more time to write and when I'm not rushing an entry. Like now.

The biggest challenge of not being my usual cyber-addicted self is having to share a laptop with an eighteen year-old. We need another computer! This, and the tired that hits me after work and the need to make dinner or wash dishes clamor for my time. This concept was alien to me in the Philippines. More on this in yet another future blog.

(Notes to self to blog about: working in operations, the "luxury" of live-in help, credit or debit, joining the diaspora.)

So that's where I disappeared to. Thank you for your visits!

As ever,
Thelma

Kyera Cover

2008-01-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

She's the token Asian face on the cover of the multicultural brochure we hand out at Orlando World Outreach Center.

People say we look like sisters but a very small handful, including myself, see how much she looks like her father. Well, I do have taste, you know. I can only take credit for half her genes. The other half belongs to my ex-husband.

A Page from the Nanny Diary

2008-01-07T19:47:00.001-05:00

As I wrestle with thoughts on moving yet again, I took on a babysitting gig yesterday. Out of the forty-something job applications I have submitted, ranging in varying levels of... experience, I finally found something that hired me on the spot - nanny for a day.

My body still aches from the exertion of helping a mom take care of twin toddlers but it's a good ache. Not just from an exercise standpoint but from the perspective of forcing myself to re-evaluate why I'm hitting walls with my applications.

Forty-five and counting?

Communications Manager, Training Manager, Morning Show Host, and now - Babysitter.

I think it's time to move... Maybe.

The One Thing

2008-01-05T11:25:00.001-05:00

The most prominent thing on my Wish List for 2008 is:

To work at a job I will love at a place that has great benefits.

I'll think about the other stuff like going back to school, or learning CSS, HTML, XHTML and Adobe InDesign, later.

Excuse me, while I re-strategize my job hunting...

New Year's Eve 2008

2007-12-31T10:35:00.001-05:00

Will come up with my list of goals for the new year soon enough. And will post a timeline of events that brought us from the Philippines to/back to the US too. That, and the obligatory gratitude blog for the year that was.

But for now, as I sit in my aunt's quiet living room with the TV competing for my attention (why I cannot turn it off is fodder for another blog), I'm missing the chaos of Manila's New Year's Eve. Firecrackers going off around the neighborhood as early as... 7AM; the busy kitchens abuzz with the clash and clang of pots and pans; the squeals of happy children in the streets; the busy driveways filled with guests; radios at full blast; heavy traffic at open air fireworks venues.

I miss it all and then some.

As the Style Network lures me away from this blog to put me in a numbed state, my eyes will soon glaze over from non-stop channel surfing. At least, I won't feel the sadness of missing the madness we have left behind.

18 Candles

2007-12-29T17:41:00.000-05:00

8AM on December 28, 1989 I underwent a C-Section to deliver a healthy, 6.15 1/2 lb, 19 inch baby girl. It was an anti-climactic delivery to the preparation I had put into the nine months I was infanticipating - child birth classes, Lamaze books, Leboyer books, active birth books - you name it, I knew it.

But a visit to my OB-GYN coupled with a possible miscalculation on my part - plus a nervous mother who didn't want anything bad to happen to her daughter (me) or grandchild (Kyera) - left me and my then-husband with no choice but to agree to the expensive operation.

Seeing that we were twenty, both unemployed at the time, and living under my mother's roof, we didn't have much of a say in the matter. So we went home to pick up my and the baby's diaper bag, said good-bye to our bedroom, and promised it we would return with a baby. I turned to my husband and said, "Our lives will never be the same again. The next time we come home, we'll be parents."

You don't really no how much your parents love you until you have your own children. And the revelation doesn't end at birth. Here I am eighteen years into parenthood - sixteen as a single mom - and I still find myself profoundly grateful for my parents, albeit they are both dead now.

A former boss summarized it perfectly. "Becoming a parent ruins you. You are done for. You don't know how much you can love another human being until you have a child."

Welcome to the most joyful destruction of life.

Now that Kyera's eighteen, it's only a matter of time before I will happily gloat over watching her ruin herself. She's been warned that her children will be spoiled.

I can only hope that when that time comes, she will have been well-prepared. The one thing I know she will always know, is how well-loved she has always been.

Aaah, parenting. I've loved every second.

More Library Lovin'

2007-12-27T10:27:00.002-05:00

Today I'm sitting through three levels of Photoshop. I can only crop and do basic photo alterations like playing with brightness, colors, etc., but when it comes to the more complex stuff like working with layers, brushes, etc., my eyes glaze over. Hopefully after today, I'll know what ALL the tools and tricks are. Or at least, MORE than what I know, which is very little.

We just applied for K's SSN yesterday so as soon as it arrives, I'm having her sign up for library classes too. That, and get a part-time job.

I have a feeling she'll get one sooner than me.

If that's the case, at least one of us will be working. The other one can stay at the library. Everyday.

Merry Christmas, Passport

2007-12-24T18:52:00.001-05:00

We're at Casa Magpantay for Christmas Eve Filipino Style with fellow recently transplanted Filipinos from Victory Christian Fellowship Philippines. The Duque's are coming and the visiting Gutierrezes will be here too.

Today, Kyera's US Passport arrived via Fedex! I wasn't expecting a delivery on Christmas Eve but lo and behold, it arrived. Her misspelled name, corrected.

Though the temptation to pack our bags and go home is strong, we resist, and clip our wings for the time being and call Orlando home. For now.

If everything goes according to plan, we'll be in New Jersey or New York in two to three years. Maybe. One never knows what the future holds.

Meeting Myself in Fifteen Years

2007-12-21T11:04:00.001-05:00

I started taking classes at the library to curb boredom. I don't like being idle so I figured the best way to make use of my time is to take advantage of a free service. Besides, one can only take so much TV in a day.

So one day while I was surfing the library website, I found a list of classes offered at different branches. It had everything from Computer Classes to Arts & Crafts to Meet the Author guest visits. I signed up.

Yesterday was three levels of MS Excel. My love affair with spreadsheets and all things mathematical has been in need of serious rekindling, or beginning, to be more exact. I arrived early and sat outside the classroom and met a nice middle-aged woman who had also signed up for all three levels. She had an accent that sounded like she was from the Caribbean.

During the break, we walked out together, intending to eat at separate places, but she changed her mind and went with me to Burger King. While waiting in line to order, she got a phone call that sounded like it was from a loved one. I was right. It was her daughter.

She went on to say that they're very close, that she's a single parent, that her daughter just married and moved to the West Coast, that they moved to Orlando twenty-three years ago from the Caribbean, and that she is now adjusting to life without her daughter.

We spent the rest of lunch making small talk about our other countries, our daughters, and the things we're looking forward to in 2008.

I couldn't help but think that some day, I too will be in an empty house and on the phone with Kyera who is off living her own life somewhere.

I hope there will be more classes at the library by then. And maybe a young single mom who's trying to find her way around a new life that I can share lunch with.

Days 85 to 90 of 90: The End is Here

2007-12-18T18:04:00.001-05:00

One recent Sunday afternoon, as I was washing dishes and listening to Coldplay on Kyera's iPod, for some strange reason, this thought came to me: "At least in the Philippines, even if I didn't have all this food in the ref (refrigerator) and a TV set, I had a job and lots of friends. I even had freelance voicing gigs that paid me extra money!" Right after which, I heard this: "You sound like an Israelite wandering in the desert, Thelma."

I gasped as I saw the condition of my heart. Despite God parting the Red Sea for me - from the abundant, miraculous provision of bringing me back to the US, to the favor upon Kyera getting her Immigrant Visa, plane ticket, and US Passport yesterday, to the Turner's treating me like family, to my long, lost biological aunt opening her home to us, to connecting with VCF friends the Duques and Magpantays and HighPoint and OWOC families, I still had the nerve to whine about not having a job.

Something inside me broke that afternoon and each day since has been filled with humbled amazement at how God could love me so much. I say with all honesty, that though my self-esteem has taken blows during this season, I am experiencing God like never before. I am re-learning that nothing is owed us and that everything is a gift.

Here, where I am seemingly alone at times as a stranger in my former land, where I know no one other than the small community that is church, I sense God's presence more than ever.

This morning I was at the ER again for my recurring ear problem. As I lay in pain from the needle on my wound, I thought about how much Jesus loves me and I was reminded that He was with me throughout my many trips to hospitals in Manila, and here in Orlando, and that He was with me at every airport, and every second of the six weeks that Kyera and I were apart. That for all the times in my life that I have felt like the orphan and only child that I am, Jesus has always been with me, holding me. That I never was alone. Never am alone.

Here, half way around the world from where He found me in the Philippines in 1991, I feel Him in deeper ways than I ever have.

I started to sob softly in the ER as I thought of His love. The doctor thought it was because of my ear. "Would you like me to give you something for the pain...?"

I smiled. "No, thank you. I'll be fine."

I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that all will be. Job search applications at 33 and $ 20 left in my pocket, God's got us. That's all that matters.

Thank you for stopping by and reading about our journey. I'll continue my US and third culture musings here, but will no longer cross-post entries to Multiply.

Days 82 to 84 of 90: Tales from the 408

2007-12-12T19:40:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time in the Philippines, I used to tinker with sites like Google Maps and Mapquest. They were totally useless for me, of course. But since moving back to the US as an adult, they are indispensable if you do not have GPS in your car. Since I don't happen to have an extra $ 400 laying around to buy one, I use GPS ("Gamit Papel Sulat" or Use Pen and Paper).

All it takes is one click to figure out how to get from Point A to Point B.

But the one thing these sites don't take into account, is the road construction detours. (Newer model GPS devices do give up to date traffic and road information.) I've gotten more confident finding my way around Orlando, and driving on the highways at 60 mph, so today I had no doubts I would know how to get to a job interview after taking down the directions.

(The Toll Plazas are different from the Philippines because they allow you to throw coins into a basin that magically knows exactly how much you've paid! And then there's the E-Pass-like device. You simply stay on the expressway without having to slow down! Then there's the old-fashioned teller. They actually anticipate the amount you're going to pay and already have change in hand! Well, sort of. I handed over a dollar to cover the $ .75 fare and the attendant simultaneously handed me my change of $ .25 (or a quarter).

And motorists stay in their lanes! Even when turning, or merging, or veering, people stay in their lanes. The lines on the roads actually follow every curve, turn and bend in the road. Having driven in Manila for nineteen years, I'm un-learning bad driving habits.)

So there I was today on the 408 (kind of like the South Super Expressway in the Philippines), when my exit was hidden behind massive concrete construction material. I didn't even know it was my exit until two stops later when I saw I was approaching Exit 16. Exit 14 was where I was supposed to go!

I panicked and got off the highway immediately and found a gas station to ask how to find my way back. A nice Indian man gave me directions and off I went. I made it to my interview and screening with twenty minutes to spare.

It feels good figuring out how to get around my new city. I'll be ready for when people come to visit us. (Insert coughing sounds)

As for the interview, it was with a staffing agency. I'm hoping they find me work soon. After all, one needs money to drive and take said visitors around.

I'm hoping that by then I will know not just the 408, but the I-4, the 526, the 409...

Days 72 to 81 of 90: Trips to the ER

2007-12-09T21:43:00.002-05:00

In between my daily job hunting routine, my right ear preauricular sinus managed to get infected... again, after a year.

Since I don't have work - and medical insurance - I didn't know what to do since I couldn't afford a doctor. And then my aunt explained that I could go to the ER without a cent in my wallet and they would treat me.

So I did and a procedure was done. I'll spare you the details of the incision-making and injections, but overall it was an interesting experience.

Here's how:

There's valet parking for all vehicles at the ER entrance for non-ambulance arrivals. Good idea for people like me who normally go to the hospital alone, and more importantly, it's so much easier to not have to walk from a parking garage or a spot on the street. It's $ 5 per visit.
Nurses behind a counter get your preliminary information - Name, Address, Social Security Number, Chief Complaint - and then you sit in the waiting area until your name is called.
A nurse calls you into a small room to get your vitals and then you go back to the waiting area.
Depending on the number of patients, you have to wait for an... undetermined length of time.
You then get called inside the Examination Area and... wait again.

Six hours later, I drove myself home. And while I only spent $ 5 on my parking, I am expecting a monthly bill to arrive at home so I can pay off the treatment. Since I don't have insurance, I got plain generic prescriptions and spent $ 42. If I did, it would have been around $ 10.

I went back for a follow up 24 hours later and had to wait almost as long. This time I was in a different area that had a bed that came with a small TV.

Of course, this is just one hospital and one experience out of millions of patients. The one thing I'm certain of is that I am so overwhelmingly grateful for this billable medical treatment. I don't know what I would have done without it.

Hopefully, if I do ever end up needing to go to the hospital again, I'll have medical insurance.

Day 71 of 90: Trading Sorrows

2007-11-29T12:54:00.001-05:00

My eighteen year work history is so far doing nothing for me here in the US. From a successful radio career to a challenging career shift into the call center industry, to my most recent season in the full time ministry with Every Nation Ministries in Manila, I am now unemployed. If not for my housekeeping stint in Tallahassee, I would have nothing.

And it's not for lack of applying. I've sent close to thirty applications so far and have been interviewed only four times. Interviewers tell me they are very impressed by me - articulate, intelligent, warm, friendly. But I still don't have a job. I have been deemed either overqualified or unqualified due to lack of blue collar experience.

I just got off the phone with someone who interviewed me for a position with a non-denominational church-planting organization that I really wanted to be a part of. She graciously, kindly, gently informed me that I did not get the job. As my heart sank during our conversation, I listened thoughtfully to her words.

"There were three amazing candidates...", "...nothing you could have done differently...", "You were highly recommended and were given glowing recommendations...", "... liked you very much and appreciate getting to meet you...", "prayerfully considered you and reached the decision to go with someone else...", "...keep you on file so we can reach you if another position comes along...", "I'm so sorry to have to ruin your day."

I kept my chin up and smiled as I thanked her, hiding the disappointment and sadness from my voice, and sobbed deeply after I hung up.

Job's words came to mind, "Though He slay me I will yet praise Him!"

I called to mind the many miracles God has given me in this journey of ours to the US and I'm encouraged that He is still God. And that His love for me has not changed.

It's only a matter of time before the best job comes along.

Is it housekeeping at the mall? Or selling mouse ear caps at Disney World? Or Universal Studios souvenirs?

Or is it behind a desk... of a bank? Or a reception area?

Only He knows. For me, it's back to scouring the job openings. And praising and worshiping Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Days 64 to 70 of 90: Two Enchanted Locals

2007-11-28T20:38:00.001-05:00

This past week has been uneventful save for an occasional trip to get groceries, watch movies, connect with HighPoint and Orlando World Outreach Center.

We're in a season of abundant grace in this limbo of waiting. Me for a job and Kyera for her US Passport. We got to play Heroes and walk the streets of Universal Citywalk and Downtown Disney in between endless days of hanging out at home. It's been a good rest but I'm seriously raring to work again!

Oh! I met someone.... Ssshhh....

Orlando is starting to grow on us. Can you tell?

Days 56 to 63 of 90: Domesticating the Diva

2007-11-21T17:38:00.001-05:00

Now that Kyera is finally here, I find myself doing the stuff I missed out on doing when she was growing up - homemaking. Being a single parent since she was two, I have spent the last fifteen years making a living. And though I did spend a year and a half playing house as a pregnant newlywed, having helpers didn't really render me fully domesticated.

I'm so thankful that my mom made me do chores as a child in Portland, Oregon, and for the brief season that I did have a husband to take care of. These seasons prepared me for my recent housekeeping stint at the mall, and this now, wherein I do nothing but the following:

Gears are gonna shift again soon when I start working though. It'll be all of the above and then some. Speaking of which, please pray with me for my job hunting in Orlando to be successful. I'd like to call this place home.

Day 55 of 90 Until Forever: Grateful

2007-11-14T19:58:00.001-05:00

This return/move to the US began as early as July of 2006. While attending the Every Nation International Leadership Conference in LA, I felt a tug in my heart for the land I spent the first eleven years of my life.

I started praying for an opportunity, or a reason, to return. Being a US citizen and having lived in the Philippines for twenty-seven years, it was not an easy feat to uproot from a perfectly comfortable and successful existence to a new place to from scratch. More so as a single parent.

January 2007. The annual corporate prayer and fasting of Victory Christian Fellowship. Not a duty, but a delight to start the year off seeking God. This year, my only desire was simple - more of God in my life.

At Alabang one evening, Pastor Keith Lindsey preached out of Ezekiel of the man who walked into the water until he was fully submerged. This, he said, is what it is to be in the will of God. Untethered and without control. The difference between asking, "God, what is Your will for my life?" from "God, what is Your will?" is removing 'my' from the question.

About ten days after the fast, one of my best friends, Joyce, shared with me about the Child Citizenship Act of 2000: Minors below the age of 18 who are under petition by an American citizen parent automatically become US citizens upon arriving in the US or on US Territory. Kyera turns eighteen on December 28, 2007. I had to start moving if we were to beat the deadline.

And now she's here.

The following have helped us on this journey. To them I owe the deepest gratitude. I would do for them in an instant what they have done for us.

Ron and Joyce. Thank you for convincing me to do this and for encouraging me every step of the way by your example. Because you were one step ahead of us in this, I was braver and surer because you pointed me in the right direction. Your experience and advice has been my beacon every step of the way. My life has been tremendously blessed by our sixteen year friendship.

Len. You already know I love you and treasure you deeply. It's the hardest thing being half a world away from a best friend but I am fully confident that time and space cannot fade what we have found with each other. Being apart from Kyera and knowing she was under your care and loved like your own made a world of difference to me as I struggled many times with missing her. I rested in the knowledge that you kept her safe. I know that our reunion some day will be just as sweet as mine was with Kyera.

Michael and Janet. Thank you for making me an unofficial Turner. I cannot thank you enough for having me stay with you "so you could take care of me". For reassuring me that drink refills are perfectly fine, to letting the whole family wait for me to get my driver's license, I treasure every moment and thank you from the bottom of my heart. Because of your tireless efforts, I got everything I needed in order, swiftly. Kyera is in the US now because you helped me do what I needed to do. You and Zane, Zak and Zephan have a place in my heart and home always.

Filipinos in the US from VCF. G3, May, Carol (Malaysian but Pinay at heart!), Tess, the Duques and the Magpantays were my life support system when I had days that found me at the end of my rope. They truly understood/understand what it's like.

Leah. Knowing we were both in the "same place at the same time" where our daughters were far away from us is an experience I will not soon forget. I can honestly say that the past two months were easier knowing that we shared a unique journey. Our cyber-hugs pulled me through many a dark valley, my friend. And now, we both have our babies back. *hug*

Multiply and Blogspot. It may seem odd to thank a social networking site and a blog, but in this day and age wherein the world is at our fingertips, I cannot not thank the friends both online and in real life, old and new, who stop by to read and leave comments. I have been deeply encouraged. Many a sharp pang of homesickness and loneliness have been averted by the comfort of reading replies and others' posts. Thank you!!

If you haven't ventured out into the water, jump in. It's amazing.

Days 53 & 54: Eight Weeks Later

2007-11-14T18:27:00.001-05:00

Someone once said a picture paints a thousand words. Here's what ours says. Plus some excerpts from our Twitter posts from that day. (Twitter rocks!)

She was nowhere to be found. I scanned the crowd at the Baggage Claim but there was no sign of her. I went to the NWA counter and was told she was waiting for me at her arrival gate and was not allowed to leave until I got her. I was then given a security pass and half ran through the security check - including having to remove my shoes and putting my phone through the X-ray machine - before jumping on the train.

on airport shuttle to get my daughter!!! 03:04 PM
November 13, 2007 (Eastern Standard Time)
Just landed in Orlando! In one piece! Hehe. Missing people but excited to see mom. 03:56 AM November 14, 2007 (Manila Time)

As an Unaccompanied Minor, they would not let her out of their sight until duly claimed by the person listed on the form. The ground attendants were all praises for the "nice young lady who was so well-behaved". I was deeply touched. "It's a testimony to you how well raised she is! You raise 'em right, they turn out right!" I smiled and thanked them.
She was standing next to a wall near the NWA counter charging her cell phone. I had to restrain myself from shrieking and crying.
"Mom, please, please, don't make a scene..." We hugged and went home.

i felt like i gave birth again. only this time she's 17 and i didn't have to wait 9 months! i looove her sooo much. about 21
hours ago

I'll share my gratitude list tomorrow. I couldn't have done any of this without certain people.

falling into a deep and blissful sleep for the first time in 8 weeks. about 18 hours ago

Thank you for praying with and for us.

Days 50-52 of 90: Two Sleeps til Kyera

2007-11-11T22:17:00.001-05:00

I said good-bye to my child almost eight weeks ago. I left her in Manila as instructed by the US Embassy to re-establish myself as an adult in the US. The longest we've been apart was for ten days when she was 22 months-old when I worked as a Liaison Officer for the Boardsailing event of the 13th SEA Games which were held in Manila in 1991. Of course, I was still married at the time and we lived with my mother, so technically she wasn't alone.

Being a single parent since she was two, Kyera and I became, and have been, very close. More so since the time my mother passed away in 1997. Losing my mom meant I was truly left alone to fend for us.

The past ten years have been an incredible testimony of the countless volumes of Grace and Goodness that come from God alone.

Eight weeks and half a world away from her later, I miss her with all my heart and feel as if a part of me has been missing. There will be time enough for her to grow up and leave me. But for now, all I want is to see and hold her again.

She flies to me on Tuesday at 6AM, Manila Time. Or Monday at 5PM, Eastern Time. She'll land Tuesday afternoon.

Please pray for her trip to be safe and for her to find favor every step of the way from Manila to Detroit to Orlando. And for grace, peace and joy to fill her as she spends her last day and night in the Philippines.

I know it will not be easy to leave.

I felt the same way eight weeks ago.

Days 48 & 49 of 90: Orlando Bound

2007-11-08T13:53:00.003-05:00

A little past my halfway mark of the First Ninety Days Back in the US series, I look back at the places I've been to since returning to America last September 19th.

First stop was Metro Morningstar DC where I visited for six days.

Then on to Tallahassee last September 25th to be reunited with the Turners. I've known them since 1995 when Michael and Janet moved to the Philippines and stayed for close to eight years. I got to see them last year when I attended the Every Nation International Leadership Conference. I've been staying with them all this time.

Tomorrow I head to Orlando to visit with a long, lost aunt who I haven't seen since my mom's funeral in 1997. I only recently found out she lives in Orlando! I'll get to see my Victory Christian Fellowship pastors and their families - the Duques, the Magpantays, and hopefully the Punzalans too!

I'll stay for ten days to explore the job market. The highlight of my visit is KYERA'S ARRIVAL on Tuesday the 13th!!

I miss hearing Christmas carols at the malls in Manila as early as September. Nothing like that here.

Day 47 of 90: Kyera Gets Her Visa

2007-11-06T22:41:00.001-05:00

Tuesday afternoon, Manila time, from Kyera's Twitter post:

My visa has been released! It's for delivery today! Happiness!

Thank you, God!!! Words cannot describe the gratitude, relief and joy I feel!!!

To celebrate, we had strawberry shortcake with dark chocolate at the Turner household.

Can't wait to see my baby!!!!

Image taken from her Despedida (Farewell Party) / Advanced 18th Birthday Party at Casa Santos. My heartfelt thanks to Len, Phoebe, Faye, Nikki, Miguel, Red, Nanay and Tatay, and everyone else who was part of it. She was very happy. Thank you for making her feel loved.

Day 46: The Real Thing... Among Many

2007-11-06T21:28:00.002-05:00

Janet and I went to Walmart and I just had to take a picture of what I am faced with every time I set foot in a grocery or pharmacy - CHOICES.

For instance, if you want to get a Coke, it's not as simple as you might think.

You have to choose from: Diet Cherry Coke, Diet Lime Coke, Diet Coke with Splenda, Diet Coke Plus Vitamins and Minerals, Caffeine Free Diet Coke, Regular Diet Coke...

Diet Vanilla Coke, Regular Vanilla Coke, Berry Coke, Cherry Coke, Caffeine Free Coke, Coke Zero...
And good old-fashioned Regular Coke.

Don't even get me started on Pepsi. Or on the over the counter (OTC) medications. Or on the makeup. Or on the shampoos. It's daunting. Really. And good pictures for another blog.

Janet helped me with all the flavors. Give me a couple more months to memorize and taste all these.

Day 45: Every Nation Tallahassee

2007-11-04T22:51:00.001-05:00

My Sunday in pictures. It felt like Victory Christian Fellowship! I caught the last of the Money Talks Series: Live to Give.

First time visitors get mugs. I chose a silver one.

The lobby where the book table is located has a table for visitors and a nice coffee nook similar to but fancier than the one we have at Victory Christian Fellowship-Alabang.

In true fellowship fashion, I spent the afternoon with new friends watching a movie at the dollar cinema (aka budget moviehouse). The matinee (afternoon) screening of No Reservations cost $ 1.25! That's even cheaper than Manila!

It was a guuuude Sunday. Very guuuuude.

Hoping that WEEK TWO OF KYERA'S VISA WAIT will be just as guuuuuude and rewarding.

I was very encouraged today to hear a fellow mom remind me that God is responsible for our children. "God does not have grandkids! We are all His children!" Oftentimes as parents, we wish we could control the things that life deals our kids. But the truth is, we can't. It's one of the hardest lessons I'm learning as a parent. My daughter getting a visa is out of my control. I've done my part.

I rest not only in the knowledge that God loves Kyera more than I ever could, but that He can and will take care of her more than I am capable of. Saying this half a world away from her has truly been a faith-stretching season! But I know that He has only her and my best in His plans.

And when I desperately want to hold her, He can do that for me too.

Like now.

Day 44: Happy Feet

2007-11-03T23:59:00.001-04:00

It took me seven weeks to finally get a pedicure. My last one was in Manila the Monday before my Wednesday flight. Kyera and I treated ourselves to our beloved Tips and Toes. That was September 17.

Nail pampering is considered somewhat of a luxury here in the US, due largely to their price tag of anywhere between $ 18 to $ 23, depending on where the nail salon is located. Add $ 10 for a mani. Oh, and don't forget the tip of 10-15%.

I held out for as long as I could since I 'm being very careful with my money, but today, I needed a little treat. I have days that I get really homesick not just for Kyera but for life in the Philippines. It started with a week-long craving for siopao.

There's a small Chinese restaurant next to the library and I finally decided to go inside and check their prices. To my dismay, the Chinese owners didn't know what siopao was! I tried racking my brain to recall if "siopao" is a Tagalog word... My eyes scanned the menu and the pictures on the wall but could not find anything like the yummy white steamed flour ball filled with pork or dimsum.

I had to settle for a $ 1 egg roll. Not as good as the beloved lumpia back home but enough to satisfy a homesick Filipina-American who still feels culturally lost at times.

I didn't get to satisfy my craving but at least I got a little taste of my life back home when I went next door to a nail salon that cost me $ 18 for a pedi. It wasn't Tips and Toes but the Vietnamese teenage guy who worked on me did a good job of making my feet feel like they used to once upon a time. Plus, I got to keep these cool pedi slippers!

Aaah. The things we miss when we are half a world away from home.

Days 37-43: Halloween & Library Love in the Time of Stomach Flu

2007-11-03T08:11:00.001-04:00

Greetings from a chilly Tallahassee!

The weather is starting to feel more like Baguio instead of Tagaytay and less like Manila. A light jacket is a must but I've been pretending to look like a local by not wearing any. Until Halloween. For some reason, I felt cold that day so after reassurance from the Turners that it was okay to wear a coat, I did.

It was nice to get out after a bout with stomach flu. I had intense pressure and bloating in my stomach similar to gas (insert giggles here) but nothing would make the pain go away! I had no appetite and was curled up in bed mostly for three days. I tried everything - over the counter (OTC) remedies, baking soda, a heating pad, warm water - but nothing worked. I guess all it took was for it to run its natural course.

Our neighborhood library lets you borrow up to 50 items at a time - books, audio books, music CDs, DVDs, VHS - so I was well stocked with books.

Not being able to eat well, I made up for it Halloween dinner when we went to a pizza place called Cici's Pizza. Buffet pizza spread!

We then head for the mall where stores gave away candies to kids in costume. They started at 5PM but by the time we got there at around 630-ish, many of the stores were starting to, or had already run out of goodies.

The kids did have a good time though and were tired when we called it a good haul by 830-ish.

A lot of the parents who took their kids were also in costumes. I saw Captain Jack Sparrow and medical themed families in scrubs. Most kids were in store bought costumes but I did see a handful in good old-fashioned creatively self-made outfits. (Sorry, no pictures. I'm careful about taking photos of strangers without their permission...)

Leading up to Halloween, a store called Party City put costumed reps out on their street corner to attract customers. We drove by one afternoon and I did manage to take this moving picture of Davey Jones!

I wanted to get a blonde wig but figured I wouldn't be able to use it after Halloween so I decided to go dressed as a thirty-something Asian chick with dyed brown hair instead.

Kyera and I are still waiting for her visa. Week One was only a two-day work week so no word yet. We're hoping this coming Week Two will by THE WEEK. Please pray with us.

And pray for a job opportunity I'm exploring in Orlando. Another move and another adventure just might be waiting for me there.

Days 31-36 of 90: One Month and One Eye

2007-10-24T23:35:00.003-04:00

Today the 24th marks my fourth week in Tallahassee and my fifth back in the US. Back, because I spent the first eleven years of my life in the Pacific Northwest primarily. Portland, Oregon was where we last lived and where my father passed away when I was eight years old. So in case you may be wondering why I always say "back", this is why.

I've been job-searching this past week and despite not finding anything yet I am in faith that God is preparing the best job for me. It's been an interesting study, this revisiting my work history and hoping it will open doors for me. And while I find things that interest me, I am realizing that the person I was in Manila must start anew in so many ways. Wherein my once well- and widely-connected self had access to almost anything and anyone, here where I am a stranger and a nobody at that, I am learning more and more to trust in a God whose plans for me far exceed anything I can imagine. It's all good. I am "forgetting what is behind and pressing on to win the prize"!

I don't recognize myself at times. I step outside of me and see and hear how much this experience is changing me. My timid smile, my self-conscious questions, my soft voice. I am surprised at how different I've become! How polar opposite! Self-confident, independent, articulate and boisterous me, reduced to a meek, soft-voiced, shy shell. I guess it's a phase. A season. A dream that I hope to wake up from soon and find myself like I once was.

Or not. I don't know how to describe it. And for those who know me well, you're probably laughing at how different my description of self sounds from how you may remember me. I give myself until the end of the year, or sooner, to be my old self again.

Here's a poem I found that was written by my pastor, Lani Peck.

Typhoon

Better far to be alive
To choose and suffer and survive
To see the stars and dare new lands
With empty pockets, blistered hands
Than trudge, in step, the well-worn trail
Where wind and wave cannot assail
Where all is safe and all approve
Where the mountains never move
I sail this course with him who said
He had nowhere to lay his head
I live! I live and am not dead!

Kyera and I are now waiting for her visa to be issued. She was told that it would take anywhere between one to three weeks should there be no more requirements requested. We're believing that she'll be here by the week of November 10 - 17. Please pray with us.

Here's me in my job search attire. Getting dressed up does wonders for ones self-confidence. Hopefully, it will do wonders for my job hunting.

Michael had surgery done on his left eye. A shunt was inserted in his eyeball to drain fluid that is a symptom of the early stage of glaucoma. What was only supposed to be a routine procedure turned out to have complications (very rare!) and resulted in such severe pain, he had to return the following day for a repeat of the surgery! He's on his way to recovery but still in pain. Please pray for him. Here's his eye, published with his permission. It's not visible in the photo, but the whites around his iris are actually red and raw. Ouch.

The recent news of the bombing of Glorietta came to me as soon as it happened because of the wonders of Twitter. (You have to sign up to understand...) I pray for the loved ones of those who died. Here's a letter from a husband of one of the victims.

Life is indeed short.

Day 30 of 90: Thelma Gets to Drive

2007-10-18T23:43:00.001-04:00

I left the Philippines on September 19, which was actually September 18 here in the US. I arrived here on the 19th (which still boggles my mind to realize that I had two September 19s this year, although they were spent sitting on airplanes...)

Anyway.

Today is my 30th day back in the US. Or perhaps it's tomorrow? Either way, I am here and waiting for Kyera.

I sent her all the proof that I am now domiciled in Florida. Not only do I have a state ID, credit card, a store card, a bank account and payslips, but as of today, I am now a licensed driver in Florida!

I made an appointment... online, showed up and took the fully automated exams - rules and signs in thirty minutes, and then had to drive by following an examiner's instructions. At the end of the fifteen minute or so session, he turned to me and asked, "Have you driven before? Excellent job!"

I smiled. "Twenty-two years actually.... just not in the US."

"Let's go back inside so I can give you your license."

I'm not happy about my pic. Whoever is? But I'm pretty excited that I can now drive, drive, drive! I still have my valid Philippine license though. (I'm keeping it in my wallet for sentimental and Manila vacation purposes.) It didn't get me exempted from taking either exams but it did give me an exemption from the four-hour Drug and Alcohol Exam. Whew!

What exciting things have been happening in your life?

Days 27-29 of 90: Express America

2007-10-17T23:55:00.001-04:00

It's been a slow past few days for me. I've been sending out my resume and filling out online applications so I thought I'd compile a shortlist of some of the things that I just can't get enough of from my almost 30 days here into my new life.

Drive-Thru Whatever

Janet and I had to deposit checks recently and as I computed our travel time and parking time and lining up at a teller time, I was shocked when she drove us through the side of our bank to a four-lane covered drive-thru. At the touch of her finger tips (on the driver's side of a vehicle), a vacuum tube spit out a plastic canister for us to place our deposit slips. The tube then shot back inside and returned to us in three minutes, received and stamped and ready to be credited the following day.

As we drove away, I couldn't help but be amazed at how efficient the whole thing was! My mind had been set on taking at least forty-five minutes.

Another day, we paid for the electricity the same way. One of my friends on Twitter sent me a message asking me if I had seen any drive-thru liquor stores! Apparently, you drive up, place your order, show your ID and voila, you drive home with your six-pack.

Self-Check Out Counters

You know how there are express lanes at the supermarket for baskets with twenty items or less? Here in the US, Americans have taken this express-ness even further with the Self-Check Out Counters for ten items or less.

After watching Janet do it at Wal-Mart one day, I was brave enough to try it out myself at our nearby Winn-Dixie. You simply swipe the bar code and the amount will appear on a touchscreen monitor while a voice will instruct you on what to do. You then place the item inside a bag. When you finish, you simply touch "Finished" on the monitor and the amount you owe will then be totaled. Payments can be in cash, credit or debit card.

Because I'm new at the whole thing, I tried removing a head of lettuce that I had just swiped on the bar code. The monitor said there was an error so naturally, I tried removing and re-doing what I had just done. As I reached inside the bag, the voice told me, "Do Not Remove Item". Whoa. How did it know?! It detected a shift in the bag's weight?! Or it saw me with its own eyes?!

A real person then came to my rescue and explained that it was just an error and to ignore it and then proceeded to swipe a card to correct the machine.

Bottom's Up

So the concept of fast food refillable drinks was something that I had missed at Burger King in the Philippines. I remember when the Galleria branch had just opened how one could go back as many times as they wanted for refills. That soon changed and the only place I remember getting refillable drinks was at a restaurant. Here though, almost every place I've been to so far has refillable drinks. It's almost been a month and yet I still find myself asking Janet if it's okay!

Have Internet, Will Do Almost Anything

It seems that almost everything here is or can be done online. I've walked into stores to ask about job openings only to be told to fill out an application on their websites. Borrowing books, magazines or videos from the public library? Do it online. Ordering a pizza? Do it online. Renting a car? Do it online. Paying for a magazine subscription? Do it online. I now understand the movie Die Hard 4.0 and why the US seemed doomed without John McClane's help. America does everything online!

Let Me Do the Dishes, Please

My favorite thing to do now in the US is anything that lets me play with the appliances. Dishwashers and washing machines and dryers are my new toys. I think it's because once upon a time, many, many years ago, I was a young wife who had to do chores with my hands every single day. But now that I have machines to do them for me, I love that all I need to do is throw stuff inside the said machines for them to do all the hard work!

Then again, the novelty could wear off.

Life in America for the most part has been mind-boggling, humbling. And I don't know if or when I'll get used to it. I can't wait to see how amazed Kyera will be.

I pray that it be soon. I miss her.

Days 23-26 of 90: Greek and Grace

2007-10-14T14:09:00.002-04:00

Autumn is beautiful in this place I now call home. The weather is nice and cool and reminds me of a chilly Tagaytay evening. I'm told it will get colder and that I will need a coat! But there is no snowfall since Florida is after all the Sunshine State. There are trees everywhere! And because it's Fall, there are always leaves on the ground. Kyera and I will have to take a trip up to Nashville and New York for the snow.

Tallahassee is fondly referred to as a "little college town" because of the presence of FSU (Florida State University) and FAMU (Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University). Florida's capital has a population of approximately 150,000. My adult dream of getting my college diploma before I turn 50 just might come true here!

I am diligently looking for a new job. My prayer is that God will place me where all of my skills and experience will be fully maximized. My eclectic resume covers an extensive background in communications but I'm learning that it is a challenge having come from a white-collar job (i.e. comfortable desk) in the Philippines. I am realizing that starting from scratch at my age and without a degree looks impossible for me to succeed. But I know that there is nothing impossible with God! So I wait.

Many things here are still Greek to me. Drive-thru bank transactions, overnight check clearing, bank debit cards and credit cards allowed at fast food chains, drive-thru utility paying, ten-minute oil changes. I'm getting used to living again in the US but I know it will take a month or so until it'll be part of my everyday reality. For now, I'm still in awe and pinching myself every time I discover something that to others is normal and commonplace.

We went to the annual Greek Food Festival held by the Holy Mother of God Greek Orthodox Church for an immersion in Greek culture.

The food was amazing! And though we didn't get to stay for much of the cultural show, I had a good time.

God is so good! I've started sleeping through the night and dreaming in full color again. And I'm falling in love with my new close-knit, family-oriented yet filled with college kids church that's starting to feel like Alabang did. Even if things seem Greek to me, God is more than able to make His Grace abound, that in all things and at all times, I have all I need.

All that remains is for Kyera to be here.

Day 22 of 90: Sometimes I Feel Like Paris Hilton

2007-10-11T09:04:00.001-04:00

I changed the format of my titles since I'm only doing this series for my first ninety days back in the US. After this, I'll be back to my usual, sporadic postings.

I have moments while I'm working wherein I feel like giving up because I'm so exhausted. My pampered life in Manila did not prepare me for housekeeping a mall that requires me to be on my feet and on the go for eight hours per shift!

Last night while I was on the night shift, I sang Hillsong's You Have Made Me Glad to pull me through the last couple hours. As I proudly swept and cleaned tables at the food court, happy to finally get the hang of this job, my supervisor came up to me and asked, "Did you mop?"

He hadn't told me to so I didn't think to. I threw myself into moving chairs and benches to sweep every inch that I didn't realize mopping was the priority.

"You better mop now coz you don't have that much time left... it's 11:15..." My shift was supposed to end at midnight. I wanted to ask him, "Like... would I have to like, stay beyond my shift...? That's not hot."

So off I went looking for said mop only to find it decided to not be where it's supposed to be.

My course of action? Hands and knees with rag in hand to wipe down sticky portions.

Then Lupita came to my rescue! "What you do? You need mop? I go get mop." She disappeared and as I heard the theme song of Wonder Woman in my head, she came into view with our trusty supply cart and proceeded to mop. "Here... you take other mop..."

We got the job done at exactly midnight. I don't know what I would have done without her!

The one thing I know I will have from this possibly soon to end job is a lifetime of skilled cleaning of my future homes and a deep affection for the people who clean malls.

And now you can say you know someone who did.

Days 18-21: The Little Things

2007-10-10T00:37:00.001-04:00

It's the little things in my new life in Florida that are falling into comfortable places to make me feel like I'm home. I've been back in the US as an adult for... twenty-one days now. It's been an interesting journey so far and as I hit the 21st day habit-forming mark, I must say that I'm more comfortable in my surroundings. And though I know it will take a while before I can genuinely feel like I'm home (including Kyera's arrival), it is getting easier to be here.

Airplane ads flying in the sky reminded me of a long ago time as a child looking up at a noontime sky. I have yet to see the kinds that write messages in smoke though, if those are still around.

My second Pancake Saturday at our pastor's house is becoming something I look forward to on the weekend. It's a great way to just hang out with and meet new people, people not just from church, but people who are from nearby FSU (Florida State University).

Although I've been told that one can only have so many pancakes in a year, lots of people come just to have coffee and company. It's a fifteen year old tradition! I'm told that one Saturday, seventy people showed up! Pancake batter - both regular and my personal favorite whole wheat - is mixed and ready to be made, along with eggs that are ready to be scrambled or fried. (Everyone makes his or her own.)

One of my co-workers is a seventy year-old Filipino lolo (grandfather) whose grandchild celebrated a birthday. In true Filipino tradition, he brought food to work and shared it with all of us. I didn't realize how much I missed good old-fashioned menudo, palabok, lechon manok and plain white rice until I ate this for breakfast the following morning!

The music Sunday morning was comforting in the sense that we sang familiar songs - Chris Tomlin and Hillsong. It may be a far cry from the music I'm used to at my beloved Victory Christian Fellowship - Alabang, but it felt good to be with others who love God just as much.

I was told that different types of music - classical, full band, Indian drums - are used so I'm looking forward to experiencing this in the coming weeks.

In the midst of all this, as I find myself upside down and sideways at times, God always comes to my rescue and sets me upright and secure. I am experiencing Him in new ways that I otherwise would never have known. I don't know how to explain how it feels to have verses leap out to you everyday to bring strength, peace, joy and love. Words that though very familiar, now have new, deeper meanings!

I must admit though that I have had moments wherein I've wanted to board a plane and fly home but I know that this is not an option. For now. So I walk on the water with my Savior, and let Him rescue me whenever I start to sink. I am amazed how He could love me so!

I still miss Kyera so, so very much. But it's the little things like chatting with her, getting her and others' Twitter posts, reading peoples' Multiply posts, receiving Personal Messages and e-mail, that I look forward to the most everyday. I've found a Filipino-American association here and will be looking into introducing myself to them soon. I'm realizing more and more how Filipino I truly am. I'll save my third culture analogies for another blog.

Finally, I have batteries for my ancient CD player and I am now listening to Jose's album Glorious. Hearing it makes me feel like I'm back in Manila. But I know that from now on, I will make new memories to his songs.

song playing on my aiwa: jose villanueva's the lord reigns

Days 14-17: Tallahassee Dreaming

2007-10-06T08:08:00.001-04:00

Life here is starting to feel like it's home. All it took was several trips from the house to various destinations - the mall where I work, the library down the road, the other mall that has Barnes & Noble - all these can be summed in one word. Familiarity.

I've been living in Tallahassee since September 25th and I must say that the one thing that has made my transition so much more... soothing, is having my friends walk me through the littlest of things! Fiercely independent me has been reduced to an ignorant, naive, dim-witted shell of a human.

Dishwashers amaze me despite the fact that I lived with and used them as a child growing up in the Pacific Northwest; dryers are the best but must have lint removed after a load for fear of a fire hazard; ovens cannot have any cardboard or paper bags left in them for the same reason; wrinkle-free clothing is always the better choice; leftovers are self-boxed after meals at restaurants. My list of newnesses keeps growing.

And that's just the daily reality. We haven't gotten to the part wherein insurance is a must both for health and for driving. Apartments can be rented on a month to month basis and only require a minimal security deposit. And that cars can be bought from a Used Car dealer for as little as $ 100 per month. Credit is good. It allows you to have more credit so you can buy bigger things on credit.

Michael and Janet patiently explain and teach me like I'm their eight year old daughter. "You cannot leave a box inside the oven, especially when I have the gaslight on. It could start a fire," Janet said as she removed the Krispy Kreme box I placed inside before she made fudge brownies.

I am learning much not only about my surroundings, but about myself. And as I look in the mirror at the woman who knows practically nothing about the US she grew up in as a child, I am humbled by my new perspective. Language is another new thing to me.

What I thought was an America that spoke English has evolved into a nation that oftentimes feels like its official languages are both English and Spanish. It's almost everywhere! Signs, pamphlets, instructions, etc. I regret slacking off in my Spanish classes in college. It's a challenge communicating with my fellow housekeepers (aka janitors) at the mall.

Me: So what time are you going on break?
Colleague: (blank stare)
Me: Ummm. (motioning hands to mouth while chewing) Lunch?
Colleague: Ala dos y medya.

I'm learning that sign language, my rudimentary Spanish and my big smiles make it easier. They're hardworkers and easy to get along with. And with so many similarities with Pilipino, my Spanish is getting better!

But my biggest gauge for knowing I'm settling in, is the fact that I don't cry as often and that I don't feel as overwhelmed by the unfamiliarity as before. I still have moments wherein I'll suddenly miss my daughter but it's gotten much easier since I started working.

I do miss Manila though. Now, I fully understand Hotdog's song "Manila". You never really do know what you have until it's gone. Or you've left it.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! God has been so gracious and merciful to me. I have an interview on Monday for a desk job and an exam for a federal job at the airport later this week. I also handed in my application at clothing stores for the upcoming seasonal openings. There's no such thing as 13th month pay here or Christmas bonus, so people take on extra work for a little more cash for the holidays.

My Target Red Card and my checkbooks arrived in the mail! Yay. I promise to use both sparingly.

Day 13: Thelma Cleans the Mall

2007-10-01T17:43:00.002-04:00

Do you have, or know of any stories, about people who take on any kind of job if they absolutely need to while they're in between jobs and looking for something better?

One of those "I'll do whatever it takes to do what needs to be done" kind of jobs? One of those humble blue collar beginnings on the way to... superstardom or senior management?

I have one now.

Today I started at my part-time temporary job with housekeeping at the mall. Yes, housekeeping. Not a big deal here in the US (if you don't have a huge credit card bill among other debts) because it's a decent way to make a living. And it's a great way to get a good workout without actually working out.

I have been on my feet since 7AM and I only sat down for thirty minutes for my lunch break. I stopped working at 430 this afternoon. My day was filled with floor sweeping, table cleaning, leaf picking, non-stop. Thank God, people in America pick up after themselves... mostly. There were a few tables that looked like the kinds in Manila where people just leave their mess.

The funny part is that people can't put their finger on where I'm from. They immediately assume I'm Hispanic like my colleagues but when they hear my English and my clear American accent, they ask where I'm from.

I didn't really have any qualms about the whole "housekeeping" thing. I meditated on Philippians 2 where Paul speaks about how Jesus "did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness..."

Not that I could consider what I did today anything like what Jesus did! But it was a humbling reminder that the King of heaven and earth stepped out of heaven to do what He needed to do so that we could be with Him.

I have said that I would gladly be a barista at Starbucks if I had to to get my daughter here. I almost got what I asked for! I have a great, kind, generous Christian boss who has been very, very nice to me. And he's even helping me look for something better!

Besides, part-time isn't so bad. And at least my daughter and my grandchildren and their grandchildren will have a story to tell someday about their Grandma T who left behind a successful life in the Philippines to start all over again so they could have a shot at a possibly better future IF they wanted a life in America. By then of course, the Philippines will be a developed country and they just might want to stay in Manila! Either way will be great.

As my feet started to yell at me for being so mean to them all day, I remembered a day when I was working as a Training Manager at a call center in Ortigas on a shift that lasted 22 hours and needed me back at the office after a two-hour nap. I remember saying to myself, "Management may seem fancy but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to do a job that just needed me to do something physical and leave after 8 hours." And another time while I was doing Zach and Joey in the Morning I wondered, "I wonder what it would be like to not have to have lightning quick wit at 6AM." I guess I got what I asked for!

October 12 I get to send Kyera my proofs. And the day I see her again, all of this will be truly worth it.

And someday, I'll have stories to share about the time I worked at the mall doing housekeeping...

Thank You, God, for making a way for me to have a job the soonest possible time. Because I'm so exhausted right now, I know I'll sleep soundly and missing my daughter won't hurt as much.

song playing in the living room: michael jamming on his guitar

Day 12: Maclay Gardens

2007-09-30T18:07:00.001-04:00

Spent a relaxing Sunday out with the boys, their neighbor Byron and Janet. This park was actually a man's garden. The beautiful, huge property was donated to the state and was turned into a park. Very pretty!

I'm getting used to my surroundings and can almost figure my way home. I love listening to the breeze and looking at all the trees. All I need now is for my daughter to be here.

Days 7-11: Landing at Another New Beginning

2007-09-29T23:20:00.001-04:00

I'm typing this in the living room of my dear, dear friends Michael and Janet. I've been here in Tallahassee, Florida since Wednesday the 26th.

I had a change of heart about my new life in Metro DC and decided I needed to be with old friends as I transition into my new (old) life in the US. So I bid my wonderful church in Washington DC farewell and booked a flight south.

Six days in the Dinh residence was a great mini-vacation for me. It was an interesting learning experience!

GPS for cars are a common sight. There's absolutely no reason for motorists to ever get lost again!

The drive to Reagan National Airport was scenic. I got to admire the beautiful tree-lined road that had a bicycle/jogging trail from Alexandria to DC!

I almost missed my transfer in Memphis because my flight left thirty minutes late. Thank God I didn't have to spend the night in Memphis if I did miss it! So after a sprint from one gate to my connecting flight, I was finally headed to Tallahassee. It was a total of four hours from DC to Florida's capital.

A nice Chinese lady offered to take my picture as I exited the airport with Janet and Zephan. I'll post an album on my Multiply site of the random pictures of my time here so far.

I'm happy to share that I'm well on my way to proving my domicile - State ID, bank account, employment, library card, pictures, a place of residence, Target store card, a mobile phone, etc. - and I'm praying Kyera will be here sooner than I expected.

It's been rough this past week or so. I really, really, really miss my daughter. I find myself crying at least once a day because I miss her so much. But God's grace has been amazing! I'm truly being stretched beyond what I am used to! This is definitely new and unfamiliar territory for me in every way - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically.

The cool part is that when I am at my rope's end, I have Filipino friends I can call! G3 from Alabang! May Cabotaje from Ortigas! They know what it's like to be half a world away from family and friends. I LOVE unlimited calling after 7PM and on weekends! It's the best!

I can honestly say that I have such a deeper respect for missionaries and OFWs now. And even a greater patience for people who are slow and inefficient.

Case in point: I still haven't memorized my cell phone number! Because of this, I held up a long line at Target today because I fumbled through my unfamiliar Motorola phone for my number when I applied for my Target Red Card! (Nokia is virtually non-existent here!) It was EMBARRASSING to say the least. If you know me well, you know how little tolerance I have for people who hold up lines. I am pretty sure that I will never be the same again to others. After all, I'm walking in their shoes!

Even the littlest things amaze me! The endless trips for refills of any flavor at McDonald's; the money back guarantee without questions on items returned within 7 days; the overwhelming choices for shampoos, lotions, cereals, soaps, detergents, among other things!

I am amazed by God and life in America.

I know that being here ahead of my child is truly in His wisdom. I just miss her so much, you know? But I know God will reunite us. It's only a matter of time.

Pray with me please?

Day 6: Thelma Starts Work

2007-09-24T23:54:00.001-04:00

We'll be moving into our office in DC sometime next month so for the meantime, we work out of home. (Insert jealous smirk here. Hahaha!) I've learned quickly that it takes discipline to get out of your pajamas and attend to your hygiene when this is the scenario but I love it so far.

Almost every house, condo, apartment and townhouse here has wifi and/or a broadband connection, so it's relatively easy to do actual work via Skype, YM, and e-mail with colleagues.

Still haven't found a room. Please pray for me that I do soon. I'm looking for a place that will have room for Kyera; that's near transportation - bus routes and the Metro (train to and from DC); near grocery stores and drug stores; and in a good, safe neighborhood.

Today, I decided to take a picture of my view from the Dinh's living room in case I move out soon. It's a gorgeous view from the 17th floor of their building. That's Washington DC in the distance.

I got to go the grocery store for the first time! Pastor Vincent and I went to a place called Whole Mart (?). Can't remember. I was too busy looking at all the international ethnicities in the parking lot. This store had food and spices from across Asia, Latin America, and I think I saw Africa represented too. There were hardly any white people.

I wish I could have spent more time exploring the aisles and examining labels but we had to get home. I am confident I can go back alone though. It's right across my favorite shopping center.

Day 5: Random Scenes from a First Sunday

2007-09-23T23:58:00.001-04:00

Just some of the things I saw and did on my first Sunday at my new church, Metro Morningstar DC. I came just at the start of a series called "Keep Your Day Job". Insightful preaching today on why work is God's idea!

Had lunch with Pastor Don and his family and didn't get to finish my Ruben Sandwich from Clyde's. This is just a quarter of it. Imagine how big it was! I ate it in three sittings throughout the afternoon when I got home.

On our way back to Alexandria, we passed the Washington monument where a large crowd was gathered for La Boheme! Live theater and operas are just two of the things I plan to do when Kyera gets here.

First I need to figure out how to get around on the buses and the many Metro lines. Have only been brave enough to figure out my way to two shopping centers. But of course!

Day 4: Cereal and Retail Therapy

2007-09-22T22:44:00.001-04:00

The Jones girls - Moriah, Gabriella, Serena and Macaiah - and I had breakfast that their father, Pastor Don made. It was my first time to eat grits and chicken applesauce. Yummy. Grits is like a fine porridge and the girls taught me how to eat it with butter.

Over dinner last night, our conversation went from my sharing how amazed I was by CVS. That discussion turned into me then sharing how much I miss Lucky Charms and how it's one of the things I'm getting when I get groceries.

This morning, Pastor Don surprised me with a box of Lucky Charms. The girls and I had a bowl with Vanilla flavored Silk Soy Milk. Yummmmmy.

Marianne and Serena brought me back to Alexandria and after getting to Pastor V and Cecile's, I decided I needed some retail therapy. Legitimate retail therapy for toiletries and unmentionables. So off I ventured alone to a nearby mall. I took the buses by myself! (I just need to say that commuting in the US rocks - buses follow a schedule; you can use a reloadable card for fare; buses are clean.) Having had my share of non-air-conditioned public transportation in the Philippines, commuting here is... divine.

Will spare you the details of my introduction at Ross and Marshalls. Suffice it to say I got home after four hours a very, very happy girl. Fall is around the corner and I've been warned more than once that I better be ready for the drop in temperatures so I bought a pair of $ 20 boots.

The whole time I was there though, all I could think of was how much Kyera is going to LOVE the shops here. I couldn't help but look at clothes and shoes in her size and imagine how she'll go nuts walking up and down the aisles.

At least by then, one of us will be jaded and much less wide-eyed. Maybe.

Day 3: Thelma Gets a Laptop and More Family

2007-09-21T22:44:00.001-04:00

Still no room to rent but I am trusting that my search will be successful. The place I was eyeing was a townhouse with two rooms. Gorgeous! But the owner had to leave on business and won't be back til the 1st of October. So for now, I have to write "Pending" next to it on my list.

In the meantime, I did find a place near the Metro (train to DC) that's owned by a Filipina! I'm hoping she'll agree to my price and terms. In my search through Craig's List for a place, I've learned that rooming in here is a mixture of gender-specific, co-ed, or gay choices. I've made several inquiries on rooms and a few have returned from men asking for me to call in response to my e-mail. Hmmm. Not an option.

This morning, just when I was on the verge of feeling overwhelmed with missing Kyera, coupled with the frustration of a fruitless room search, I was given a laptop. An office-issued laptop. Apparently the church I'll be working for is not as fanatic for Macs as my Philippine pastors are, so I was given an Acer Aspire with Vista.

My much-desired MacBook Pro will have to wait. I have decided to live financially wise for the next two years and save my money. Besides, this baby I'm typin' on does the trick pretty good. And at least I didn't have to pay for it! I am, however, willing to shell out cash for a more fashionable laptop bag. One that doesn't say - plain and sturdy - but - hip and cool!

The highlight of my day was dinner at the Joneses home in Ashburn. Pastor Donnell picked me up from Pastor V's house in Alexandria and we spent the drive to his house with me talking about how I met God in 1991 and came to Victory Christian Fellowship in 1993. (I'll share this story some other time.)

When we pulled up into their driveway, I got to meet his daughters - Gabriella, Mariah, and Macaiah. (I met Serena later.) They couldn't believe I had an almost eighteen year-old.

"Daddy she has an eighteen year-old?! She looks like she's the one who's eighteen!"

I laughed and thought about how Kyera would react to that. Later on as I got to visit with Maryann, Pastor Don's wife, I cried for the first time when I talked about Kyera. I didn't realize how much I miss her as I've been so focused and single-minded in achieving my goals of establishing myself.

Maryann understood. Sometimes, that's all we need. I'm spending the night here and I feel like I have found family.

Good night from me at the Jones' residence.

Day 2: Thelma Looks Small... Sorta

2007-09-20T23:24:00.001-04:00

(Disclaimer! I need to warn you before you proceed that I look hideous in these very unflattering pics of myself. But since I wanted my posts to be as honest as possible, you'll catch me in all my unmade up glory.

You've been warned.)

Still recovering from my jetlag. Slept close to midnight last night and woke at 5AM. Forced myself back to sleep and got up at 9 then slept again at 12. Was hoping it would be a short nap but I ended up waking at 330PM!

Here's me in the kitchen. Look at how 5'2" me is coping with these American sized sinks and countertops!

I love that I didn't have to actually wash anything. Just rinsed off the grease and food and dumped everything in the dishwaher. Having lived in Manila, I can't imagine why as a kid in Portland, Oregon, I used to complain about "doing the dishes".

It's ~~almost~~ past midnight now and I'm psyching myself up to sleep. I'm best friends with Craigs List as I search for a room to rent that's near the Metro (train to DC) and my friends (Vincent and Cecile).

I miss Kyera but I also realize that me being here ahead of her really is for the better. One of us needs to be ahead on the learning curve! I'm so glad that because of Twitter and YM she's not too far away from me. Nor are my other beloved Twitter friends in Manila. I'm so thankful too that because of blogs and social networking, the world is smaller. Not the same, but almost just as good as the real thing.

Will try to go to sleep now. Tomorrow I will call the people I've e-mailed about their rooms. Hopefully, my next post will be from my new temporary home!

Day 1: Thelma Arrives in Virginia

2007-09-19T23:20:00.001-04:00

I'll write another blog soon on how the ending was for me in Manila. There's just too much for me to process right now - emotionally, mentally, physically - so I will blog what's on the top of my head.

Joe Bonifacio suggested a 90 day blog for this season in my life. Hopefully, Kyera will have access to a laptop soon and will post updates from her end. So, for the next 90 days, I will post a daily entry - photo or write-up.

After a gruelling 18 hour plane ride, I finally arrived at Washington DC's Dulles Airport. As I walked to the Baggage Claim area with my heavy carry-on bags, each step felt like I was running the home stretch of a marathon - the point wherein you are fatigued and running on adrenalin.

Before this of course, my port of entry was Detroit's Metro Airport. After handing over my custom's form to the officer, against my better judgment, I made a beeline for a porter to help me with my luggage - a large suitcase and a box (Balikbayan Box). Not knowing how much to tip the guy, I handed over a 20. He gave me a look that said, "That's all you're giving me?" To which I naively replied, "I'm sorry I'm not familiar with how much I should tip. I've lived overseas for 27 years... Is this enough?"

He smiled and said, "I just want to make sure I always give the best service, ma'am."

Not being sure if he meant this as a hint that I didn't give enough or that it was more than enough, I handed over another 20.

Big mistake. I walked away sensing I just paid for part of his groceries for a week. Upon meeting my friend/pastor in DC an hour and a half later, I confirmed that I indeed made a costly mistake.

Apparently $3 would have been enough.

I consoled myself with the thought that the guy may have had a desperate need. And that I just paid a relatively high price for the cost of my first tipping experience in the US.

Promptly doing my research now on these things. Don't want to end up paying someone a year's worth of gas now do I.

On the brightside, I looked at two possible places to rent. Will make a decision on which one tomorrow. That, and find time to go back to CVS Pharmacy. It has everything!!

Lesson: $40 is too big a tip for airport porters and 20 minutes is not enough time at CVS Pharmacy for a first time shopper in need of toiletries after an international flight.

Leaving on a Jet Plane via NWA

2007-09-08T22:53:00.001-04:00

Mind Map of Things To Do This Week Include:

~~Department of Education~~
~~Bureau of Immigration~~
~~Department of Social Welfare and Devlopment~~
~~Recording a reunion show with Zach~~
~~Guesting on my alma mater in radio - 99.5RT~~
~~Lunch dates with friends~~
~~Dinner dates with friends~~
~~Coffee dates with friends~~
~~Beach trip with friends~~li>
~~Hair cut with old stylist~~
~~GMA recordings~~
Adfarm recordings
NU107 recordings
~~Turning over office work~~
Replacement for work
~~E-mail the ex-husband~~
Boxing stuff
~~Packing my suitcase~~
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera
Spend time with Kyera

song playing on limewire: non-photo blue by pinback

Kyera's Immigrant Visa Interview

2007-09-05T02:42:00.001-04:00

While my body fights off a UTI with 800mg of antibiotics, it's past 2PM on the day of Kyera's Immigrant Visa interview. Neither of us slept well last night. In between my fever and stress, I hardly slept a wink. I think she was a little nervous plus she's not used to sleeping before midnight!

We were up at 3AM to be at the embassy by 0430. I had a cab pick us up outside our compound to be sure we wouldn't be late. We arrived there at 0420 for her 0630 interview and sat down at a waiting shed. But then I decided to move to plastic seats near the other applicants. Said seats were arranged facing the road. Good thing the pre-dawn spared us somewhat from the pollution level.

Then a lady asked for twenty pesos each for the chairs we sat on. We couldn't help but crack up at the idea of sitting on the side of the road in chairs we had to pay for to sit on! The clincher came two minutes later when the guard called for us to line up. What a waste of my forty pesos! Too funny.

The long and short of our morning is this: painstakingly long wait for an interview that started around 1000; temporary refusal of K's Visa until I establish domicility.

The consul was nice and warm and even pronounced K's name right - kie-ruh. The KYE rhymes with p-i-e.

So I'm moving back on September 19 without her. Hopefully she'll get to follow me in a month or two.

Had a good cry a while ago but I'm thankful for the peace that transcends all understanding. It's been soothing me and calming me like a balm.

God is working out everything for our best. I'm certain He's teaching us both to depend on Him alone even more. I need to learn how life is like without her and she needs to learn how to depend on God alone.

Well, at least Kyera is getting her wish to fly alone. And she'll get to spend more time with her friends.

I, on the other hand, need to finish brutally purging and packing my things before the 19th.

Sigh.

It's all good.

God knows. And His love for us is just as high, and wide, and deep, and long, as ever.

song playing on limewire: she is the sunlight by trading yesterday

Thinking About His Love

2007-09-01T20:40:00.001-04:00

While reading my Bible this morning, I was reminded of an old favorite song I used to play on my car cassette deck. It was on a beautiful acappella album that came out in 1992 or 1993. I'm trying to look for it amidst all of my purging and packing, but even if I do find it, I seriously doubt it can still be played. Too bad I didn't buy it on CD at the time. But it was too expensive a purchase back in those days. (Insert guffaw) Well, it was after all more than a decade ago!

The words came like I was listening to it all over again in my 1991 Kia Pride sedan as I talked to God and poured out my fears and doubts at His feet. More than the outcome of this whole process, I was reminded that no matter what happens, God's love remains the same; God Himself remains good and kind and steadfast and true to us.

He has already made Wednesday and knows what will happen that morning. It is for Kyera and me to simply know that He is God and that He works everything out for our good. He already has the plans for our lives mapped out!

So here's that song. May it continue to cause us to want to seek His face, and not just His hand. And drive us to our knees at the wonder of His love no matter what happens in our lives and no matter where we end up.

Think About His Love

Think about His love, think about his goodness,
Think about His grace that's brought us through.
For as high as the heavens above, so great is the measure of our Father's love;
Great is the measure of our Father's love.

How could I forget his love? How could I forget His mercy?
He satisfies, He satisfies, He satisfies my desires.
Great is the measure of our Father's love.

Walt Harrah © 1987 Integrity's Hosanna! Music.

better than imagined.

2007-09-01T14:04:00.000-04:00

The medical went pretty good! Better than how I imagined it would go. And! I got a girl doctor who was really nice. :D The only downer was the two immunizations i had to get. They left my arms achey. And right now I have a slight fever.

Now that the medical is over and done with. My mind is on The Interview at The Embassy. *dundundun* I really wanna get it over and done with! I'm hoping it will be better than how I'm imagining it will go.

Medical Afterthoughts and Malate Meanderings

2007-08-30T07:17:00.001-04:00

I was too exhausted from my nightly purging and packing ritual Tuesday night that I completely forgot to set the alarm to get to K's medical exam appointment at 0630 August 29.

By a stroke of sheer grace, my eyes opened wide at exactly 0438 Wednesday morning. The plan was to be up at 0330 in order to leisurely prepare for the cab ride to Roxas Blvd and the nearby St. Luke's Extension Clinic (SLEC). I don't know how I was able to wake up considering I was in the middle of R.E.M. (Not the band...)

So off we dashed out our gate in the pre-dawn light in a drizzle at 0520. We found a cab at the neighborhood taxi stand and made it to J. Bocobo St. by 0545. K got a number - 90 - then we slumped into chairs expecting a long wait. To our surprise, the ball started rolling twenty minutes later and K began the process that saw her lining up for the digital encoding of her face; an X-ray; a medical exam; an immunization history interview; blood-letting; urine-letting; and all the other things done to examine ones... health.

We were told to return the following day at 0900 (which was earlier today), to get the results. Still exhausted from our lack of sleep and the tired that's catching up with us, the alarm woke us at 0500 and we promptly ignored it. An hour later we were running out the door to catch a shuttle back to SLEC.

What greeted us was the sight of 500 people crowded on all five floors of the building.

K got her forms and then headed for the Immunization Section for two shots. So proud of her! She put on a brave face and didn't even flinch as the nurse poked each of her arms. Six hours later we were finally done.

I took her for a brief walk yesterday down A. Mabini St. located in the area of Manila known as Malate which was once famous as a Red Light District, aka girlie bars. (I used to go to some of these places when I was in college to catch my favorite band, The Dawn, when they did a series of shows. Fodder for another blog!)

It would have been cool to spend an afternoon just hanging out at that side of town - Luneta Park, Paco Park, Aristocrat Restaurant, Penguin Cafe - telling her stories of a Manila I once knew. But tired got the better of us and we decided to head for the more modern Makati and our jeepney ride home from The Fort.

I did get to point out the beautiful Sy-Quia Apartments - North and South - that have been up since World War II. "Some pretty cool artist types live there, hun." I whispered to K in the jeep. ''Old money-types as well with Spanish names..''

''Is that Malate Church?'' she asked. ''It looked bigger when I last saw it.''

''You were 5, hunny. Of course it was!''

I guess life has a way of changing our perspective when we get older.

I'm curious how we will both remember that day some time in the distant future, asking ourselves how huge a change this whole moving back/moving to the states was.

gastronomic adventure.

2007-08-28T11:11:00.000-04:00

This whole moving thing is making me adventurous in a "food way".

I had a day-old chick with my friends yesterday.

And balut the other day. Both were surprisingly yummy! I just had to overcome the outward appearance.

I better get to sleep. Only a couple of hours til my medical at the embassy!

There are Places I Remember

2007-08-27T04:43:00.002-04:00

Couldn't resist borrowing a line from The Beatles. I've sifted through more than half of our belongings and am almost at the second part - more sifting.

I'm trying to be brutal and ruthless with all this discarding and donating. It's been hard on my emotions and time. How do I throw away memories? May I please have more hours in my day to get through the tearing and sweating and dusting? In order to streamline the process even further, I will be purging yet again from the things that already survived the first round.

As I go over old documents and notebooks and pictures, I come across old billing statements with my former addresses. It got me wanting to list all the places we lived from the day we left our home after my mother passed away in 1997.

I think this is the best way to remind myself how diverse our journey has been. When I finally have a scanner, I will insert images for the addresses that have them.

Here goes:

1. Humility Corner Kindness Streets, Multinational Village, Paranaque City
The second home I lived in since moving to the Philippines. My mom had this five-bedroom house built. It was sold after she passed away in 1997.

2. 202 Jakel Mansion, Pasig City
My first attempt at fixing my "own" place. This large two-bedroom condo was situated near the highway so you can imagine the wonders it did for my asthma. It was a mid-rise walk up that had four floors.

3. 304 Jakel Mansion, Pasig City
I learned the hard way that I couldn't afford the spacious two-bedroom unit so my landlord kindly allowed me to move to a much smaller two-bedroom condo one floor up. He even re-financed my deposit and converted it to the new place.

4. JP Laurel St, Marikina City
As soon as our contract ended (and I returned to NU107 after a year's return to 99.5RT), I opted for a much cheaper place. The only downside was that it was in a heavily-flooded area.

5. San Isidro St., Metroville Subdivision, Pasig City
The novelty of living in a flooded area wore off so we followed my best friends when they moved out and moved into a small neighborhood apartment four blocks away from them.

6. 2002 Renaissance Tower, Meralco Avenue, Pasig City
I started a network marketing business and moved into a place I really couldn't afford. It was gorgeous though - 6 pools, 4 tennis courts, gym, and parking. K and I shared its one-bedroom and its breath-taking view of Antipolo, Marikina and Pasig. New Year's was spectacular with fireworks going off seemingly right outside our window.

7. 1804 Mega Plaza, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
Bit the bullet again and moved into a two-bedroom condo in the heart of the bustling business district. We were right across a mall that we used as our entertainment center since we had no TV. Our movie budget though skyrocketed.

8. Hillside St., Cityland Townhomes, Pasig City
I went bankrupt from my business and couldn't afford to live in our nice condo. My friend kindly took us in for a season until we got back on our feet again.

9. 3005 Mega Plaza, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
I got a second job and we returned to our beloved favorite building. This time, to a simple studio. I eventually left radio and worked as a Communications Manager for a call center down the road from our place. It took me ten minutes to walk to my desk everyday.

10. 2204 Paragon Plaza, Mandaluyong City
I was pirated by another center. We moved to a much nicer condo closer to my new job in Makati. Our building was right on EDSA, the main thoroughfare of Metro Manila. My asthma loved this place.

11. Paranaque City
My then office relocated its headquarters to Alabang. At first, I didn't think it would be difficult to take the bus every day 75 kilometers back and forth. But practicality took over and we returned in 2005 to the beloved city we left behind almost ten years ago.

In some ways, I'm reminded of the Israelites wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt. They followed a pillar of fire and a cloud to get to their promised land. But whereas our journey has taken us full circle back to our roots, I wonder if my returning to the US is actually just another stop on my journey that will one day bring me back to the Philippines, or another country. Or if the US is the place I will call home for good.

It's too soon to tell. What I do know for sure, is that I don't want to miss out on where the pillar or the cloud are going.

Wherever that will be.

song playing on k's old ipod mini: save tonight by eagle eye cherry

Bekins, Boxes and Boracay

2007-08-26T03:08:00.001-04:00

Another three-day weekend is upon us here in the Philippines and yet I will be spending it purging more of our house of... stuff.

I've managed to squeeze books, and assorted this's and that's into one box. I'm not happy yet and will do another round of sorting in the coming weeks. The box is too heavy and needs to be divulged of books and other things I felt deemed worthy of sentimental value. It's most likely c-r-a-p. Will be even more ruthless for Round 2 of operation "Move Life Back to the US".

When my mother transplanted us here in 1980, our entire house fit into a huge Bekins container that followed us via the ocean six months after we arrived in September. The green metal rectangle was attached to an 18-wheeler. How it fit into our narrow street is beyond me. I remember it feeling like Christmas the day it arrived. My bed, toys, dolls and everything else we had owned in the US (except our car) had finally come.

This time as I return to the country I once called home, no containers or vans or trucks will be needed. Everything has to fit into two suitcases and a box. Or a suitcase and a box. And where once we came to the Philippines to the warm welcome of relatives who appeared out of the woodwork, my daughter and I will be going to a state where we know no one save for a few Filipino strangers who are kindly offering the use of their home for a season.

I would have wanted to see more of the country before leaving, especially since I scored a pathetic D on my local travels.

Out of all the beautiful beaches, mountains, lakes, rivers, springs, and caves that I will not get to explore, Boracay is the one place that though I did get to visit, I wish I could afford to go back to just one last time.

How many more days?

2007-08-24T12:25:00.000-04:00

AAAAACCCCCKKKKKK!!! That medical exam is next week!

Next week I have to sleep early (or not...), I have to wake up at THREE A.M., I have to wait (better bring a book. maybe Wuthering Heights?), aaaand... yea. Hahaha! That icky part that people have to do for medicals.

Le Sigh.

Six Days to Go

2007-08-23T03:36:00.001-04:00

Kyera's medical exam is on the 29th.

She's nervous.

I'm not looking forward to waking up at 3AM.

Here's the face of her waiting.

We had a fabulous weekend. Possibly one of our last out of town with dear friends. Click here for more pictures.

In the meantime, I will be heading to the Bureau of Immigration to surrender my beloved Alien Certificate of Registration (ACR) and Immigrant Certificate of Registration (ICR). I was told I will be given a final exit permit that I will present at the airport before I board. Sigh.

I would have wanted to at least keep these but it's not feasible to since they need to be maintained locally. One of the first things I will do when I get to the US is go to my nearest Philippine consulate or embassy and apply for a Philippine passport so that I can finally be a Dual Citizen.

song playing on itunes: save tonight by eagle eye cherry

My Undiscovered Philippines

2007-08-21T01:20:00.001-04:00

With a little less than a month here left in my beloved Philippines, I am ashamed and sad to admit, how little I've seen of the country I have lived for the past twenty-seven years!

My Lakbayan grade is D!

How much of the Philippines have you visited? Find out at Lakbayan!

Created by Eugene Villar.

Yes, I Blog Too

2007-08-15T11:12:00.000-04:00

Hello there!

I was just looking through our blog when i realized that my mom has A LOT of blogs on this. And I'm supposed to be the one with a lot of spare time. So, mom, sorry for not writing as much as you want me to.

Anyway, on to me. Hehehe! My interview with the US embassy is set on September 5th. I'm pretty nervous about it. My medical, which is set exactly a week before my interview, is making me even more nervous. I really really really hope they give me a girl doctor! Right??

Hmmm... Let's go talk about fun stuff now. I'm excited about shopping for a suitcase for me! But, I'm not about to get a pink one. No, mom! NO! I don't care if grey is "old". I'd rather be mistaken as old than as a cutie-patootie. I'm not really looking forward to the packing part... But, I think i can manage...

So... there you have it. That's what I've been thinking about. Interview, medical, suitcase colors, and packing my closet.

Toys for the Extension

2007-08-13T08:31:00.001-04:00

My landlady is the BEST!

She's letting us extend until September 15. Whew! After Saturday's drama, I was seriously on the verge of panicking.

At least that has bought us more time to put our life in order, aka pack and box what will fly with us to the states.

In the meantime, I have side projects to keep me entertained before we leave. Remember how I blogged about getting to review cameras? Well, slap me sideways and call me blessed coz I now have in my possession an Olympus E-410! And a Packard Bell EasyNote BU!

Go-0lly!

Good toys to keep oneself entertained while the daughter waits for her interview the first week of September.

Monkey Wrench

2007-08-11T10:33:00.001-04:00

Dear Thelma and Kyera,

We apologize for the inconvenience but your presence is not welcome at our home after all.

Sorry for the short notice.

Hope you find a place to transfer to for a month until you leave.

Good luck.

Love,
S

Yup. That was my Saturday morning. Above conversation actually took place over K's cell phone. Had a good sob over the whole matter and watched Blades of Glory to forget the phone call. It worked. Chazz and Jimmy had me tearing and gasping for breath in a good way.

K and I have our fingers are crossed that we can extend. Otherwise, we'll be crashing on someone's couch.

Please pray for us.

I'm reminding myself that all things work together for good.

Five Sleeps Left

2007-08-10T00:53:00.001-04:00

Our lease is up on our current apartment. Actually it ended as of May 15, 2007. But because of this whole "moving back to the US" project, it didn't make sense to lease a new place for a few months; that, and it would have been too astronomical a price to pay.

So I did the next best thing any orphaned only child would do. I asked my ex-mother-in-law if her grandchild, together with her mother, could move in. She agreed.

We move in on August 15.

And we still haven't packed; still haven't sorted through our junk; still haven't realized the full ramifications of moving into someone else's home.

That last part is going to be a stretch for us seeing that we are so used to having our own space. Ten years will definitely a comfortable space make.

Wish us well as we divide our lives into piles labeled "Dump", "Donate", "Deliver".

I promise to be as ruthless as possible. No more pack rat-ing of stuff.

My motto is, "If it won't fit into two suitcases and two boxes, it has no place in my life."

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head...

2007-08-07T19:39:00.002-04:00

Tropical Storm Chedeng is reportedly heading out of the Philippines after dumping much-needed rain on the country these past couple of days. It's been a relatively dry year for us this 2007. I remember a couple of years ago that we had somewhere around thirty storms battering our islands. It felt like we were doomed to nothing but rain-filled days that left our hair flat.

Suffice it to say that we're used to days that keep us trapped at home while the rain pours outside. When my mother first moved us to the Philippines when I was in the sixth grade, I remember eagerly anticipating the official announcement that classes would be suspended. (One would think that it would automatically be a given seeing how bad our streets flood.) But wait we did and until told so, we went about our usual morning routine, but making sure to bring windbreakers and rain gear.

It was such a long, long time ago. We had a driver and my mom always brought and picked me up from school. Embarrassingly up until college! (We'll talk about that some other time...)

Nowadays, my life is completely different. I grew up to be a street smart single mom who is solely responsible for another human being. A far cry from the helpless nineteen-year old kid whose husband left her a little over a year after getting married. My mother took care of me and K up until the day she died in 1997. She had a massive stroke five days after her sixty-seventh birthday.

Rainy Window from milov.nl

Sometimes when I commute home at night, I think about how my mom used to wait up for me even when I could drive. How she always made sure there was some food left over from dinner for me to eat. I miss her.

The littlest things remind me of my long-dead parents. I try to imagine what they would say to me now and what they think about what I'm about to do. I know my American father would be ecstatic. And my Filipina-Italian-American mother always encouraged me to move back someday.

As I come to grips with all the documents that I am gathering from files labeled as "Important", a date leaps out to me. It is September 20, 1980; the date indicated on my Philippine Immigration Certificate. This is the day that I am tentatively scheduled to leave.

I find it poetic. To leave on the same day I arrived twenty-seven years ago. I came here kicking and screaming; I leave with a certain sadness. If not for the Grace of God, I would be an emotional wreck.

So here's to rainy days that bring memories afloat; of days gone by with dearly missed parents; departure dates that are apt.

And the Grace of God that is more than enough.

song playing on K's ipod: svefn-g-englar by sigur ros

Errands and the City

2007-08-02T21:36:00.001-04:00

Day 2 of my crossing-out-my-Mind-Map-To-Do's kind of day. It's the second of my two-day Vacation Leave from the office.

So much for vacation.

It's been years since K and I actually did anything together. My last trip out of town was overnight for a wedding in beautiful Boracay last February. We haven't actually done anything like booking a reservation somewhere and tiring ourselves out getting to said somewhere and just... relaxing.

But it's all good. And as usual, I'm digressing.

So. We went to a statistics office yesterday and then I had to head to another side of town for K's Alternative Learning test results (Yes, Alternative Learning. Fodder for another blog. Sorry. Too long to get into here!). I waited an hour for the coordinator only to be told I had to go to the Department of Education for another set of documents.

Which brings me to today. A one-hour bus ride, a government office, a metro train ride to another side of town, then a recording studio to pick up copies of some of the commercials I voiced, then other side of town near home to meet up with K.

The second of only a couple more errand-driven days to come before September 20, or possibly sooner.

Here's wishing us all stress-free days! Or the storm-proof calm of knowing this too shall pass!

Two Suitcases and Two Boxes

2007-07-31T23:08:00.001-04:00

I haven't allowed myself to sit back and fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. I finally looked at airfare rates yesterday and looked at one-way ticket prices. I picked a date - September 20. I will be flying in Economy to the tune of approximately $ 700-750. Or twice the price if Kyera and I leave together.

But things might change and I might leave sooner without her. Everything depends on God's timing and favor.

For the first time since the season we pursued happiness, I am re-discovering what it means to be fully dependent on the Sovereign God who truly, madly, deeply loves me with an everlasting love. It's humbling for a control freak such as myself to have to relinquish the reigns. But if i am to get this done, who better to be in charge than Jesus?

I now begin the task of uprooting my life by starting with our apartment. Thankfully, we hardly have any furniture at this point in our lives. Over the last ten years since my mom's death, we have gone from a five-bedroom house to twelve different condos and apartments, the last being our present rented two-bedroom two-story row house that is barely furnished save for a given dining set, a given bed and recently purchased shelves that would have been the beginning of our never-commencing plan to fix our home.

And yet, for all that we no longer own - a TV, a car, coffee tables, etc. - how do you fit twenty-six and seventeen years into two suitcases and two boxes?

By ruthlessly leaving behind what will weigh us down.

I expect to cry a lot these next six weeks as I sift through the remains of my life in the Philippines. Thank God for His ever present help and comfort.

song playing on itunes: beautiful lord by leland

Seventeen Days Later and My Life as a Strawberry Blonde

2007-07-30T04:01:00.001-04:00

Life is finally starting to return to normal at work. With our Every Nation World Conference, EN07, over and done, I can now re-focus on the most important task at hand - moving back to the US!

The birthday was last Friday and it was uneventful save for my feelin' the love from text messages, calls and tweets. I was at work all day. My boss and an officemate took me to lunch at Teriyaki Boy for sushi and tofu. Kids from church surprised me with a chocolate cake that evening before Kyera and I headed to Ratatouille with friends.

My mind has been set on my daughter hearing back from the embassy by mid-September since I submitted the readiness document only last July 13. But to my surprise, she just got word today that she's scheduled for an interview at the end of the month.

(insert excited shrieks here)

I've been randomly trawling cyberspace sporadically to take my mind off the huuuuge mind map I have for our move. So I logged into my old friendster account and found this photo on a good friend's profile. (Thanks, Arnel Carrion!)

It's me from my stint as an actress for Repertory Philippines during their 2000-2001 season.

This is me as 5B in Murder for Rent. The hair is really mine. And it wasn't a requirement for the role. It did, however, fit my eccentric character. Just her... I'm as normal as can be... *wink wink*

So please pray for my daughter that her visa will be approved. And that someday, her mother will get to act again. Or dye her hair some strange color one more time.

song playing in the office: the violent clapping of thunder outside