One recent Sunday afternoon, as I was washing dishes and listening to Coldplay on Kyera's iPod, for some strange reason, this thought came to me: "At least in the Philippines, even if I didn't have all this food in the ref (refrigerator) and a TV set, I had a job and lots of friends. I even had freelance voicing gigs that paid me extra money!" Right after which, I heard this: "You sound like an Israelite wandering in the desert, Thelma."
I gasped as I saw the condition of my heart. Despite God parting the Red Sea for me - from the abundant, miraculous provision of bringing me back to the US, to the favor upon Kyera getting her Immigrant Visa, plane ticket, and US Passport yesterday, to the Turner's treating me like family, to my long, lost biological aunt opening her home to us, to connecting with VCF friends the Duques and Magpantays and HighPoint and OWOC families, I still had the nerve to whine about not having a job.
Something inside me broke that afternoon and each day since has been filled with humbled amazement at how God could love me so much. I say with all honesty, that though my self-esteem has taken blows during this season, I am experiencing God like never before. I am re-learning that nothing is owed us and that everything is a gift.
Here, where I am seemingly alone at times as a stranger in my former land, where I know no one other than the small community that is church, I sense God's presence more than ever.
This morning I was at the ER again for my recurring ear problem. As I lay in pain from the needle on my wound, I thought about how much Jesus loves me and I was reminded that He was with me throughout my many trips to hospitals in Manila, and here in Orlando, and that He was with me at every airport, and every second of the six weeks that Kyera and I were apart. That for all the times in my life that I have felt like the orphan and only child that I am, Jesus has always been with me, holding me. That I never was alone. Never am alone.
Here, half way around the world from where He found me in the Philippines in 1991, I feel Him in deeper ways than I ever have.
I started to sob softly in the ER as I thought of His love. The doctor thought it was because of my ear. "Would you like me to give you something for the pain...?"
I smiled. "No, thank you. I'll be fine."
I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that all will be. Job search applications at 33 and $ 20 left in my pocket, God's got us. That's all that matters.
Thank you for stopping by and reading about our journey. I'll continue my US and third culture musings here, but will no longer cross-post entries to Multiply.