Two Suitcases and Two Boxes

I haven't allowed myself to sit back and fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. I finally looked at airfare rates yesterday and looked at one-way ticket prices. I picked a date - September 20. I will be flying in Economy to the tune of approximately $ 700-750. Or twice the price if Kyera and I leave together.

But things might change and I might leave sooner without her. Everything depends on God's timing and favor.

For the first time since the season we pursued happiness, I am re-discovering what it means to be fully dependent on the Sovereign God who truly, madly, deeply loves me with an everlasting love. It's humbling for a control freak such as myself to have to relinquish the reigns. But if i am to get this done, who better to be in charge than Jesus?

I now begin the task of uprooting my life by starting with our apartment. Thankfully, we hardly have any furniture at this point in our lives. Over the last ten years since my mom's death, we have gone from a five-bedroom house to twelve different condos and apartments, the last being our present rented two-bedroom two-story row house that is barely furnished save for a given dining set, a given bed and recently purchased shelves that would have been the beginning of our never-commencing plan to fix our home.

And yet, for all that we no longer own - a TV, a car, coffee tables, etc. - how do you fit twenty-six and seventeen years into two suitcases and two boxes?

By ruthlessly leaving behind what will weigh us down.

I expect to cry a lot these next six weeks as I sift through the remains of my life in the Philippines. Thank God for His ever present help and comfort.

song playing on itunes: beautiful lord by leland

When Push Comes to Shove

Real Life has been unkind to me these past days since my last post. Not in a bad way mind you. We did, after all get great news in the mail!

But with this fantastic package comes the reality of my massive TaDaList getting even loooooonger than it already was. Am now having to add the mundane task of cleaning out and sorting out our apartment before leaving in two months. Two months!!!

I am so grateful that in the years following my mother's death - and our subsequent moves to twelve different apartments - I have subtracted and/or lost so much of what I once used to own. Having inherited a fully-furnished, four-bedroom house, K and I are now down to two beds, a given dining table, a computer table, a fridge, and a various assortment of this's and that's.

My task is not as gargantuan as it would have been had I not downsized considerably since 1997.

I have documents that need to be secured from government agencies; entertainment for a world conference that needs to be organized; books to be given away; a video collection that needs to be sold; furniture that needs to be donated; and a mini-dachshund that needs to be adopted.

All this while still deciding on where to live in the US.

The choices are now:

1. Orlando, Florida
2. Tallahassee, Florida
3. Jersey City, New Jersey
4. New York, New York

And I haven't even started allowing myself to think about the possibility of having to leave K for a month or two first before she follows.

Without this peace that transcends all understanding, I would certainly be partially insane by now.

Thank God I've been through worse!

This is nothing.

I am in the water, untethered to anything that keeps me safe, thankful that the One who commands the wind and the waves is with me.

Where would I be without my Jesus?

Lenten Season in Manila

It's been hot in the Philippines as summer rolls in lazily, casting a spell on all in its path. We. Are. Hot-headed. Literally. No fists flying or wounding words, just good old fashioned hot all around.

Thank God it rained a bit this morning. We've cooled off somewhat but the downside is that it's more humid.

As is the tradition in this predominantly Catholic nation, we are on HOLIDAY for Maundy Thursday (today) and Good Friday (tomorrow), and even Monday, because it will be Araw ng Kagitingan (Day of Valor). Loooong break. Many are off at the beach, others are enjoying the traffic free streets of Manila sans its usual volume of cars and public transportation, and others, like us, are holed up at home doing absolutely nothing. Almost. I am after all blogging.

Random things are popping in my mind. I will be heading to the embassy next week and next week too is when my pastor friend P and I will be talking via the internet. Hawaii's chances are moving up the scale but I'm not casting my vote just yet. I have Florida and possibly New York on the list so I don't want to say anything for now. Simply because I can't. I just don't know yet, is more accurate.

I'm about to turn on the A/C and finish three books - Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen, Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend, and On Writing Well by William Zinsser - that have been waiting for me. In the middle of all of this, I am doing the most important thing I can do when faced with a crucial decision - I'm fasting. WE are fasting. Me from food and K from the internet. *wink wink* (Thus, I am online today and she is not.)

Fasting is not torture. It is a spiritual discipline. I just happen to be doing this now during the Lenten season for three reasons - I have no work so I am more able to focus on the Word (both reading and hearing); I need all the wisdom and favor I can get for the coming weeks as I decide on where to move us; I love God and simply want to spend uninterrupted time with Him.

My cup overflows.

His greatness is beyond our understanding.

His banner over me is love.

Easter is three days away. What better time for me to recall how loved I am. That no matter what is in store for us, my Jesus already knows.

song playing on my ipod: lord of all by jose villanueva