Showing posts with label god. Show all posts
Showing posts with label god. Show all posts

Friday, June 19, 2009

Halfway into the Year

I know, I know. What excuse do I have now for not updating Exits and Entrances? I'll spare you my usual sob story of busyness and go straight into the updates. God has changed our lives yet again in ways we never expected.

1. We arrived in Nashville on April 1st. I drove more than 650 miles in the rain. Colleagues from new office came over during a sudden downpour and helped us unload. It was a Wednesday. I kicked into OC gear and had all the boxes emptied and everything in its place by Sunday. Monday, was my first day at my new old job. It's been... amazing. How else can one describe leaving a minimum wage-paying hotel job and moving out of a low-cost housing apartment complex in a crime-infested part of Orlando, into a job I love and a beautifully manicured, security-code requiring apartment in Nashville?

Drove a 21' truck with a 15' trailer more than 800 miles, 650 of which in the rain, to Nashville. Exhausted, stoked, grateful, speechless. from web
Looking out the window feeling like Melanie Griffith at the end of Working Girl. Madly in love with my job, pinching self it's for real. from web



2. Kyera found another job in the same fashion as her first one in Orlando - she was offered one without applying. So proud of my uber-talented offspring. She exceeds me and her father.

3. We adopted a brother for Rocco! We found Kirby at Williamson County Animal Control and fell in love with him the minute Kyera held him and he wrapped his long, lanky mini-pinscher/chihuahua arms around her.


4. Kyera was given a 17" MacBookPro to use for work. Gasp. Wow. An item on our yearly prayer and fasting list gets a huge check! This image is an example of the cool things she can do with her new toy.


5. Yesterday, I was moved into my own office for the next three to four months. Finally, peace and quiet while writing. Today, I went out to lunch and returned to find a 24" iMac sitting in the place of my PC. Gasp. Wow. I'm a Mac! Again! Another item on our yearly prayer and fasting list with a huge check!

Stop by again for the story of my part-time life as a convenience store cashier. Seriously.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Beauty of Silence

It's our final thirteen days in Orlando, Florida. Thirteen days. My head is still spinning when I think about this and I must admit that it hasn't fully sunken in that we are driving north to Nashville, Tennessee to restart life anew.

I can't count the times I thought that we would be stuck here - me in my job as a club concierge at a fancy hotel and K as a receptionist at an eye clinic - or how many times I gave up all hope of ever working in a job that would maximize all of my gifts and abilities; a job that would not feel like a job but would feel like a perfect fit, a glove of my former career.

It was well into my third month at the first hotel I worked at (which is the sister property of where I work now) that I plummeted to the depths of self-pity. There I was, in the first job I could get in the US (not counting my three week stint as a housekeeper) after looking for four months and sending out close to 100 resumes, busing tables, replenishing drinks, making gallons of coffee and preparing buffet presentations for high-paying hotel guests, every day. My fingers would sometimes get smeared with leftover food, my muscles would strain from lifting cases of soda and beer, my mind, seemingly slowed from lack of stimulation.

Of course there were days that I had to make difficult dinner reservations for large groups while giving directions to another theme park to another guest and reading babysitting rates for another. My radio career was good training for entertaining and talking people up!

But wallow in self-pity I did. Each day a divine act of grace to get to and from work with a smile on my face. Each day a wrestling match with my Maker.
"Father, how long is life going to be like this for us?"

"Did I make a mistake in coming to Orlando?"

"Where do we go? What do we do?"
My resumes kept going out and kept getting ignored.

Each day, silence. All I knew, all I sensed, was that God loved, that He was near and that someday, everything was going to be alright.

One day, I was promoted to supervisor at our sister hotel, which is where I work now, and then two months later, I suddenly wasn't. My glimmer of hope was just that.

So there I was, wallowing in self-pity, questioning my ability to hear God when facebook set me straight.

I wrote a quick note to one of my dear pastors, Rey Corpuz:
It's been a tough year readjusting to a country I left as a child of 12. Napakahirap po magsimula sa Amerika! (It's so hard to start life in America!) Not like people who come here on work visas who land jobs on their same career path, I'm seen as a local who lived overseas too long.

So I work at a hotel, the only place that would hire me! No complaints since I just got promoted to supervisor. I'm a club concierge and I love working with guests. (we serve food, buss tables and make restaurant reservations) But a part of me wonders if I will ever get to do what I did before - communications in the ministry.

Perhaps that is the Egypt I must leave behind? I don't know. But with each step of the way, I only thank God for even allowing me AND Kyera to have a job.

(She was hired on the spot when she got her eyes checked for glasses! She's the front desk person for a Christian Haitian optometrist, and she also knows how to measure eyesight with those contraptions!)

She's not in school yet because we haven't been able to afford it but we're believing that next year God will make it happen.
His reply left me in tears:
what a blessing to hear testimonies of His faithfulness to you and kyera. ms menchie and i are so proud of you both exercising God's gift of work. doing your work for God is real worship which i call 'workship'. both of you are 'communicating' the life of Christ in you to people around you. so you haven't left your communications ministry, you're just doing it there instead of manila with the partnership of kyera to boot. and about egypt? the real egypt is in the heart where discontent, murmuring, complaining and dissatisfaction reside. it is the heart that is not most satisfied in the God of creation, salvation and provision. come to think of it, leaving our egypt is not the issue at all; it is removing all of egypt from our heart.
And so I shut up, embraced the status quo, and became... still. No dreams other than wanting to please God, no requests other than having Him by my side, no comfort other than His Hand holding mine.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a message about a possible opening at the US office of my former employers, Every Nation Ministries. A visit, an interview, a job offer, an acceptance and then here and now, the final two weeks in Orlando.

I don't know what else to say. My fourteen months at the hotel has been a most beautifully grace-and mercy-filled season. God allowed for me to stay in a "dungeon" where I had unlimited access to free food; free movie tickets; free entrances to theme parks and concierge perks at expensive restaurants. In His infinite wisdom, He permitted me to work in a job that would show me how much I love people.

And yet every step of the way, I kept seeing what I did not have, friends and a career in communications.

So here I am, humbled, pinching myself that I am returning to the job I loved dearly, in an office I never thought I would be working for again.

We truly, never deserve the goodness He lavishes. Everything is icing on the cake of His Mercy.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Day 71 of 90: Trading Sorrows

My eighteen year work history is so far doing nothing for me here in the US. From a successful radio career to a challenging career shift into the call center industry, to my most recent season in the full time ministry with Every Nation Ministries in Manila, I am now unemployed. If not for my housekeeping stint in Tallahassee, I would have nothing.

And it's not for lack of applying. I've sent close to thirty applications so far and have been interviewed only four times. Interviewers tell me they are very impressed by me - articulate, intelligent, warm, friendly. But I still don't have a job. I have been deemed either overqualified or unqualified due to lack of blue collar experience.

I just got off the phone with someone who interviewed me for a position with a non-denominational church-planting organization that I really wanted to be a part of. She graciously, kindly, gently informed me that I did not get the job. As my heart sank during our conversation, I listened thoughtfully to her words.

"There were three amazing candidates...", "...nothing you could have done differently...", "You were highly recommended and were given glowing recommendations...", "... liked you very much and appreciate getting to meet you...", "prayerfully considered you and reached the decision to go with someone else...", "...keep you on file so we can reach you if another position comes along...", "I'm so sorry to have to ruin your day."

I kept my chin up and smiled as I thanked her, hiding the disappointment and sadness from my voice, and sobbed deeply after I hung up.

Job's words came to mind, "Though He slay me I will yet praise Him!"

I called to mind the many miracles God has given me in this journey of ours to the US and I'm encouraged that He is still God. And that His love for me has not changed.

It's only a matter of time before the best job comes along.

Is it housekeeping at the mall? Or selling mouse ear caps at Disney World? Or Universal Studios souvenirs?

Or is it behind a desk... of a bank? Or a reception area?

Only He knows. For me, it's back to scouring the job openings. And praising and worshiping Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Day 45: Every Nation Tallahassee

My Sunday in pictures. It felt like Victory Christian Fellowship! I caught the last of the Money Talks Series: Live to Give.

First time visitors get mugs. I chose a silver one.


The lobby where the book table is located has a table for visitors and a nice coffee nook similar to but fancier than the one we have at Victory Christian Fellowship-Alabang.

In true fellowship fashion, I spent the afternoon with new friends watching a movie at the dollar cinema (aka budget moviehouse). The matinee (afternoon) screening of No Reservations cost $ 1.25! That's even cheaper than Manila!


It was a guuuude Sunday. Very guuuuude.

Hoping that WEEK TWO OF KYERA'S VISA WAIT will be just as guuuuuude and rewarding.

I was very encouraged today to hear a fellow mom remind me that God is responsible for our children. "God does not have grandkids! We are all His children!" Oftentimes as parents, we wish we could control the things that life deals our kids. But the truth is, we can't. It's one of the hardest lessons I'm learning as a parent. My daughter getting a visa is out of my control. I've done my part.

I rest not only in the knowledge that God loves Kyera more than I ever could, but that He can and will take care of her more than I am capable of. Saying this half a world away from her has truly been a faith-stretching season! But I know that He has only her and my best in His plans.

And when I desperately want to hold her, He can do that for me too.

Like now.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Days 23-26 of 90: Greek and Grace

Autumn is beautiful in this place I now call home. The weather is nice and cool and reminds me of a chilly Tagaytay evening. I'm told it will get colder and that I will need a coat! But there is no snowfall since Florida is after all the Sunshine State. There are trees everywhere! And because it's Fall, there are always leaves on the ground. Kyera and I will have to take a trip up to Nashville and New York for the snow.

Tallahassee is fondly referred to as a "little college town" because of the presence of FSU (Florida State University) and FAMU (Florida Agricultural and Mechanical University). Florida's capital has a population of approximately 150,000. My adult dream of getting my college diploma before I turn 50 just might come true here!

I am diligently looking for a new job. My prayer is that God will place me where all of my skills and experience will be fully maximized. My eclectic resume covers an extensive background in communications but I'm learning that it is a challenge having come from a white-collar job (i.e. comfortable desk) in the Philippines. I am realizing that starting from scratch at my age and without a degree looks impossible for me to succeed. But I know that there is nothing impossible with God! So I wait.

Many things here are still Greek to me. Drive-thru bank transactions, overnight check clearing, bank debit cards and credit cards allowed at fast food chains, drive-thru utility paying, ten-minute oil changes. I'm getting used to living again in the US but I know it will take a month or so until it'll be part of my everyday reality. For now, I'm still in awe and pinching myself every time I discover something that to others is normal and commonplace.

We went to the annual Greek Food Festival held by the Holy Mother of God Greek Orthodox Church for an immersion in Greek culture.



The food was amazing! And though we didn't get to stay for much of the cultural show, I had a good time.

God is so good! I've started sleeping through the night and dreaming in full color again. And I'm falling in love with my new close-knit, family-oriented yet filled with college kids church that's starting to feel like Alabang did. Even if things seem Greek to me, God is more than able to make His Grace abound, that in all things and at all times, I have all I need.

All that remains is for Kyera to be here.



Saturday, September 29, 2007

Days 7-11: Landing at Another New Beginning

I'm typing this in the living room of my dear, dear friends Michael and Janet. I've been here in Tallahassee, Florida since Wednesday the 26th.

I had a change of heart about my new life in Metro DC and decided I needed to be with old friends as I transition into my new (old) life in the US. So I bid my wonderful church in Washington DC farewell and booked a flight south.

Six days in the Dinh residence was a great mini-vacation for me. It was an interesting learning experience!

GPS for cars are a common sight. There's absolutely no reason for motorists to ever get lost again!

The drive to Reagan National Airport was scenic. I got to admire the beautiful tree-lined road that had a bicycle/jogging trail from Alexandria to DC!

I almost missed my transfer in Memphis because my flight left thirty minutes late. Thank God I didn't have to spend the night in Memphis if I did miss it! So after a sprint from one gate to my connecting flight, I was finally headed to Tallahassee. It was a total of four hours from DC to Florida's capital.


A nice Chinese lady offered to take my picture as I exited the airport with Janet and Zephan. I'll post an album on my Multiply site of the random pictures of my time here so far.

I'm happy to share that I'm well on my way to proving my domicile - State ID, bank account, employment, library card, pictures, a place of residence, Target store card, a mobile phone, etc. - and I'm praying Kyera will be here sooner than I expected.

It's been rough this past week or so. I really, really, really miss my daughter. I find myself crying at least once a day because I miss her so much. But God's grace has been amazing! I'm truly being stretched beyond what I am used to! This is definitely new and unfamiliar territory for me in every way - spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically.

The cool part is that when I am at my rope's end, I have Filipino friends I can call! G3 from Alabang! May Cabotaje from Ortigas! They know what it's like to be half a world away from family and friends. I LOVE unlimited calling after 7PM and on weekends! It's the best!

I can honestly say that I have such a deeper respect for missionaries and OFWs now. And even a greater patience for people who are slow and inefficient.

Case in point: I still haven't memorized my cell phone number! Because of this, I held up a long line at Target today because I fumbled through my unfamiliar Motorola phone for my number when I applied for my Target Red Card! (Nokia is virtually non-existent here!) It was EMBARRASSING to say the least. If you know me well, you know how little tolerance I have for people who hold up lines. I am pretty sure that I will never be the same again to others. After all, I'm walking in their shoes!

Even the littlest things amaze me! The endless trips for refills of any flavor at McDonald's; the money back guarantee without questions on items returned within 7 days; the overwhelming choices for shampoos, lotions, cereals, soaps, detergents, among other things!


I am amazed by God and life in America.

I know that being here ahead of my child is truly in His wisdom. I just miss her so much, you know? But I know God will reunite us. It's only a matter of time.

Pray with me please?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Kyera's Immigrant Visa Interview

While my body fights off a UTI with 800mg of antibiotics, it's past 2PM on the day of Kyera's Immigrant Visa interview. Neither of us slept well last night. In between my fever and stress, I hardly slept a wink. I think she was a little nervous plus she's not used to sleeping before midnight!

We were up at 3AM to be at the embassy by 0430. I had a cab pick us up outside our compound to be sure we wouldn't be late. We arrived there at 0420 for her 0630 interview and sat down at a waiting shed. But then I decided to move to plastic seats near the other applicants. Said seats were arranged facing the road. Good thing the pre-dawn spared us somewhat from the pollution level.

Then a lady asked for twenty pesos each for the chairs we sat on. We couldn't help but crack up at the idea of sitting on the side of the road in chairs we had to pay for to sit on! The clincher came two minutes later when the guard called for us to line up. What a waste of my forty pesos! Too funny.

The long and short of our morning is this: painstakingly long wait for an interview that started around 1000; temporary refusal of K's Visa until I establish domicility.

The consul was nice and warm and even pronounced K's name right - kie-ruh. The KYE rhymes with p-i-e.

So I'm moving back on September 19 without her. Hopefully she'll get to follow me in a month or two.

Had a good cry a while ago but I'm thankful for the peace that transcends all understanding. It's been soothing me and calming me like a balm.

God is working out everything for our best. I'm certain He's teaching us both to depend on Him alone even more. I need to learn how life is like without her and she needs to learn how to depend on God alone.

Well, at least Kyera is getting her wish to fly alone. And she'll get to spend more time with her friends.

I, on the other hand, need to finish brutally purging and packing my things before the 19th.

Sigh.

It's all good.

God knows. And His love for us is just as high, and wide, and deep, and long, as ever.

song playing on limewire: she is the sunlight by trading yesterday

Saturday, September 1, 2007

Thinking About His Love

While reading my Bible this morning, I was reminded of an old favorite song I used to play on my car cassette deck. It was on a beautiful acappella album that came out in 1992 or 1993. I'm trying to look for it amidst all of my purging and packing, but even if I do find it, I seriously doubt it can still be played. Too bad I didn't buy it on CD at the time. But it was too expensive a purchase back in those days. (Insert guffaw) Well, it was after all more than a decade ago!

The words came like I was listening to it all over again in my 1991 Kia Pride sedan as I talked to God and poured out my fears and doubts at His feet. More than the outcome of this whole process, I was reminded that no matter what happens, God's love remains the same; God Himself remains good and kind and steadfast and true to us.

He has already made Wednesday and knows what will happen that morning. It is for Kyera and me to simply know that He is God and that He works everything out for our good. He already has the plans for our lives mapped out!

So here's that song. May it continue to cause us to want to seek His face, and not just His hand. And drive us to our knees at the wonder of His love no matter what happens in our lives and no matter where we end up.

Think About His Love

Think about His love, think about his goodness,
Think about His grace that's brought us through.
For as high as the heavens above, so great is the measure of our Father's love;
Great is the measure of our Father's love.

How could I forget his love? How could I forget His mercy?
He satisfies, He satisfies, He satisfies my desires.
Great is the measure of our Father's love.

Walt Harrah © 1987 Integrity's Hosanna! Music.


Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head...

Tropical Storm Chedeng is reportedly heading out of the Philippines after dumping much-needed rain on the country these past couple of days. It's been a relatively dry year for us this 2007. I remember a couple of years ago that we had somewhere around thirty storms battering our islands. It felt like we were doomed to nothing but rain-filled days that left our hair flat.

Suffice it to say that we're used to days that keep us trapped at home while the rain pours outside. When my mother first moved us to the Philippines when I was in the sixth grade, I remember eagerly anticipating the official announcement that classes would be suspended. (One would think that it would automatically be a given seeing how bad our streets flood.) But wait we did and until told so, we went about our usual morning routine, but making sure to bring windbreakers and rain gear.

It was such a long, long time ago. We had a driver and my mom always brought and picked me up from school. Embarrassingly up until college! (We'll talk about that some other time...)

Nowadays, my life is completely different. I grew up to be a street smart single mom who is solely responsible for another human being. A far cry from the helpless nineteen-year old kid whose husband left her a little over a year after getting married. My mother took care of me and K up until the day she died in 1997. She had a massive stroke five days after her sixty-seventh birthday.


Rainy Window from milov.nl
Sometimes when I commute home at night, I think about how my mom used to wait up for me even when I could drive. How she always made sure there was some food left over from dinner for me to eat. I miss her.

The littlest things remind me of my long-dead parents. I try to imagine what they would say to me now and what they think about what I'm about to do. I know my American father would be ecstatic. And my Filipina-Italian-American mother always encouraged me to move back someday.

As I come to grips with all the documents that I am gathering from files labeled as "Important", a date leaps out to me. It is September 20, 1980; the date indicated on my Philippine Immigration Certificate. This is the day that I am tentatively scheduled to leave.

I find it poetic. To leave on the same day I arrived twenty-seven years ago. I came here kicking and screaming; I leave with a certain sadness. If not for the Grace of God, I would be an emotional wreck.

So here's to rainy days that bring memories afloat; of days gone by with dearly missed parents; departure dates that are apt.

And the Grace of God that is more than enough.

song playing on K's ipod: svefn-g-englar by sigur ros

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Two Suitcases and Two Boxes

I haven't allowed myself to sit back and fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. I finally looked at airfare rates yesterday and looked at one-way ticket prices. I picked a date - September 20. I will be flying in Economy to the tune of approximately $ 700-750. Or twice the price if Kyera and I leave together.

But things might change and I might leave sooner without her. Everything depends on God's timing and favor.

For the first time since the season we pursued happiness, I am re-discovering what it means to be fully dependent on the Sovereign God who truly, madly, deeply loves me with an everlasting love. It's humbling for a control freak such as myself to have to relinquish the reigns. But if i am to get this done, who better to be in charge than Jesus?

I now begin the task of uprooting my life by starting with our apartment. Thankfully, we hardly have any furniture at this point in our lives. Over the last ten years since my mom's death, we have gone from a five-bedroom house to twelve different condos and apartments, the last being our present rented two-bedroom two-story row house that is barely furnished save for a given dining set, a given bed and recently purchased shelves that would have been the beginning of our never-commencing plan to fix our home.

And yet, for all that we no longer own - a TV, a car, coffee tables, etc. - how do you fit twenty-six and seventeen years into two suitcases and two boxes?

By ruthlessly leaving behind what will weigh us down.

I expect to cry a lot these next six weeks as I sift through the remains of my life in the Philippines. Thank God for His ever present help and comfort.

song playing on itunes: beautiful lord by leland


Thursday, July 12, 2007

Step Two: The Funny Thing About Serendipity

Woke at 5AM and headed to the US Embassy to submit a document that says K is ready with her papers. Something that I actually could have done last week. Or ten days ago when the Visa application arrived.

It would have saved me my acidic stomach and the stress-relieving trip to the stylist to chop off my hair.

But it was my fault.

R and J paid me a surprise visit at my office yesterday! Since I haven't been able to drag my but to their side of Makati, they came unannounced and we got to do our long overdue, albeit brief, catching up, while they killed time before heading to a recording.

Of course, the topic of where I am in the process of getting K's papers in order came up.

They recalled their timelines of official documents arriving, and interview dates being secured, and it was revealed to me, and reminded to them, that one of the papers can be submitted as soon as possible even while still completing requirements. And no fees are needed yet.

Yay!

So off I went this morning. I arrived at ten to seven and was told to wait until eight for a certain window to open. Said window opened and I was then told I was at the wrong window. The window where I was supposed to go had no lines and all I had to do was hand over a piece of paper.

guard made me wait at the wrong window for more than an hour only to be told to go to a different one where i spent FIVE seconds.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

waiting...

hello there. it's kyera. yes, i'm finally blogging. mom has been bugging me to blog and i decided to finally go and do it. i explained in my other blog that i've been having a "writing drought" hmmm.. do you get that? heh. anyway.


we're supposed to hear from the embassy next week. how exciting! i've been feeling really good about this whole move. i wasn't expecting i'd feel this way about it. but, i realized that when you know that you're meant to do something, all fears fall away.


i'm still searching for a ballet school. hope i find one soon!

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Crows, Widows and Tourists

Awesome preaching at church last Sunday that I got to hear a few hours after I posted my last entry. We're hardly ever at the Sunday services these days since the Saturday service started earlier this year. My reason is plain and simple - I like indulging in nothingness to fully recharge for the week. Sundays for K and I are either spent at home or out and about doing something random.

Lovet.

But last Sunday we wanted to see our friends who just got back from the US so we agreed to drag ourselves over to the center to see them and in turn, attend the 1PM service. A preaching series called Fear Factor had just started recently so the focus this week was on the 'Fear of Lack'.

Talk about timing. I heard just what I needed to hear! The reading was taken from Matthew with an illustration from 1 Kings. The story of Elijah and how he hid and how God sent crows to feed him, and then when the crows stopped showing up with food, God used a widow from a poor region to feed Elijah.

We just never really know how God is going to provide. He can use stingy crows or poor widows. Allow me to explain. I was assuming that since I do freelance voicings for radio and TV commercials, I would be getting a project, like I normally do, from out of nowhere when I most need the extra cash.

But after hearing Sunday's preaching, I realized it's not my business to decide how the money will come. So now, I've got my eyes wide open to any black birds or spouse-lessed women. (It's a metaphor. I'm not weird. At least, I'd like to think I'm not.)

I'm on the verge of losing my permanent resident status here in the Philippines. I never saw this coming, nor in my wildest dreams hoped I would ever have to. But a series of events, including the theft of my laptop bag, has left me with no choice. Too many details to get into but suffice it to say that - I don't have the requirements to change my permanent resident paper to a permanent resident card because my ORIGINAL US DOCUMENTS WERE STOLEN.

I'll spare you the sad, sorry details and regale you with updates on how I will soon have to become a Tourist in order to stay here legally. I find comfort in the fact that I'm leaving the country anyway. My hope is to eventually look into Dual Citizenship some day.

But that'll be fodder for a future post on this blog. Way future post.

song playing on my itunes at work: at the stars by better than ezra


Saturday, May 26, 2007

In the Waiting

Confession time. I'm slowly coming out of a three-week slump. More like a battle with doubt and unbelief. They came as tiny whispers, their usual tactic.
"What if Kyera's not approved...?"

"What if you can't find a job...?"

"What if you have no money to bring with you...?"

"What if you have no place to stay when you get there...?"

"What if you're apart for longer than you're expecting?"
An onslaught of their best weapons have been assaulting me. Little by little, my armor showed the tiniest chink and left me vulnerable. In the midst of this, I am left with the only thing I can hold on to - promises.
That there is One who holds me by my right hand and says to me, "Do not be afraid. I am here to help you."

That there is One who strengthens me and fills my mind with the peace that transcends all understanding.

That there is One who has plans to give us hope and a future.

That there is One whose goodness I will see.

That there is One who makes all things beautiful in His time.
I will worship Him because He is God and I am not. It is not mine to have everything figured out. It is mine to trust Him who does.

I will stand with my friend, Biko as she battles Cancer.

I will stand with my friend, G3 in New York who awaits the US Immigration approval of his wife and baby daughter who he last saw when she was a week old; she's now four-months old.

I will stand with eight year-old Ikey who has a tumor in his brain.

I will wait for Him. I will believe. I will trust. I will worship.

song playing on K's ipod: you're all i have by snow patrol


Friday, April 13, 2007

Step One Point Five

It's filed. My daughter's petition is now officially with the US Embassy and we are now tasked with the part that requires patience - the waiting.

Today was uneventful. Unlike yesterday. The difference? My attitude mostly. I went there completely surrendered to whatever was going to come at me. My God is in control! I repeated to myself over and over.

I disarmed the guards with my smile, surrendered all three of my electronic devices - two mobile phones and my iPod - at the security check, sat down at the DHS and waited for numbers to be distributed, and went to the window when it was my turn.

Same officer. Better mood. I made small talk, which I routinely do, and I was off to pay the required fees.

After a stop at the American Services section, an hour later I was out the door and on my way to work.

Lessons learned today:

Hundreds of Filipinos line up at the US Embassy in Manila everyday. Each one wanting, or needing, to go to America. All walks of life are represented in the long lines and waiting areas: the ultra-rich, the well-educated, the uncultured, the regular Juans and even the poor; all hoping to get their taste of the US. Each one lining up at the crack of dawn to face their dreams, or dread, of sitting across the powers at the embassy that will decide their fate.

If there is a will, there are many ways. My goal is to save money and taking cabs for each trip to the embassy is starting to burn a hole in my pretty purse(s). Today, I discovered an alternative form of transportation in the form of a neighborhood shuttle. Not only did I save on travel expenses, I got to clock in a good number of steps on my trusty pedometer from my five block walk (7,373 steps so far and the day is far from over!). As of last count, I now know three routes to the embassy. Admittedly, cabs are the fastest way to get there.

Someone knows more than me. Two of my good friends, R and J, are way ahead of me in the game and the ones who pushed me to follow their lead. Because of their lessons learned, I have a much clearer path to walk on. And because they have been where I now am, I truly appreciate the encouragement and comfort they provide when they say, "We understand how you feel!" The best part is having someone tell me, "Here's what you need to do next..."

People are thinking the world of K and I. My pastors and friends are all cheering us on through this. The scriptures they share and the little smiley faces they send to my mobile keep me propped up. Without them, and my new friends in the blogosphere and on Twitter, this journey would be a significantly bigger challenge.

K and I have officially begun altering the course of our existence. It hasn't fully set in that the people we love dearly - our friends and family in Manila - will be left behind. I refuse to dwell on the thought that potentially, we may never see them again. Thank God for cyberspace, our world is much smaller and people are only a website, a chat, a Skype call, and a Twit away. Nevertheless, I sigh at the possibility.

Staff raised like Moses, we now wait for God to do the rest. Whatever that may be.

song playing on my ipod: you're all i have by snow patrol

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Step One

I was thinking of a title for today's blog as I walked around the neighborhood. Since buying a pedometer, my daily goal has been to make 10,000 steps. I normally average 7,000 to 8,000, so when I get home, I just walk some more to reach my goal.

Walking helps clear my mind. And relaxes me. Today, I walked 12,154 steps because of this morning's events. I almost entitled this blog, "Discrimination at the Gate".

I arrived at the US Embassy in Manila close to 7AM. It's located along Roxas Blvd. Long lines are to be expected at this place... year-round. I get there, and am herded to the end. Normally, US citizens are allowed to enter without having to line up at the first stop on embassy grounds. For some reason, today was different. Not wanting to make a scene or expect preferential treatment even though I am American, I obediently go to the end of the line. Filipino guards are shouting, "American Services, DHS, SSS, Veteran's, Non-Immigrant Visas, this line."

I make eye contact with a guard and smile. I wave my blue passport hoping to be told I'm in the wrong line. Nothing.

Fifteen minutes later as the line starts moving, I notice Caucasians and African Americans are being waved through after showing their blue passports. At this point, I'm already five people away from the head of the line. I interrupt said guard waving all the foreigners through, look him in the eye and say, "You told me to line up. I showed you my blue passport. Why didn't you let me through this way?"

He defends himself and asks, "Where are you going?"

"Inside the embassy. I'm a US citizen."

"What department are you going to?" A question the foreigners are not asked.

I was thisclose to blowing my top. I opt for calm. "DHS." He waves me through.

The rest of my time inside the embassy is spent reading a book I'm glad I brought. After ninety minutes of waiting and one minute at the window with an officer, I'm asked to bring another document that's not on the list. Tomorrow.

How anti-climactic. Discouraged, I head to work to clock in and re-file my morning leave for Friday. A pastry from Bread Talk provides comfort for the cab ride halfway across town. At the office, I poke around the blogosphere and am pleasantly surprised to find a new blogger, my pastor, with this post - about his eight year old son's death, and his coming to terms with letting God be God.

I repent for my heart's condition: its pride, its selfishness, its discouragement.

So I had a bad day. A guard gave me a little bit of attitude and I didn't get to accomplish what I set out to do. My friend and pastor lost his only son at the age of eight. I kick myself in the butt.

Job's words of how God gives and takes away have always been my sobering reminder when I let ugliness into my soul. It is a privilege to even be allowed to live and breathe on this earth. Who am I to think anything is ever owed to me?

Getting my daughter to the US is irrelevant. It's the journey of my character that matters most to God. Hopefully when, or if, we get to Hawaii or Florida, I will be more like His Son.

song playing in my room: the soft rumble of the airconditioner


Monday, April 9, 2007

simple thing

mom's filing the petition this week already. i feel... excited? scared? hmmm.. you got a thesaurus? hehehe. excited i guess since this is the first step and the first step in any situation is very vital. right? right.


scared because once the first step is done, things will most likely seem so... final. i know there's the visa interview thing and other concerns but, i know that god's gonna take care of all those things.


i'm reminded of moses and his staff. god told him to do that one simple thing - raise his staff. moses obeyed, after some reluctance, and god parted the red sea. we're doing that simple thing that we are capable of. raising our staff and letting god do the rest.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Where to...?

As we wait for K to finally get over her shyness and post an entry, here's what's going on in my head.

Hawaii... or Florida... or New York? Pearl City or Orlando or Miami or Tallahassee or NYC? Still figuring out where to go. Hmmm. All factors are being considered - cost of living, job market, ballet school, community college, and friends. Do I work for a ministry? Or do I fling myself back in the marketplace?

Waiting for God to point us in the right direction and forcing myself to be absolutely neutral about a destination. I'll let God decide. And guide our steps. I have four weeks until I file K's petition and move on to Step 2 - decide on where to go so I can start making concrete steps to get there.

I could Project Manage this whole thing but I prefer to keep a massive To-Do list with Due Dates. For now, at least. And this blog for my random thoughts that actually help bring clarity to this big step.

Any thoughts?

song playing on my ipod: cartwheels by the reindeer section

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Going Home

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest until 1980. My Dad died of Cancer in 1978, leaving me and my mom in Portland, Oregon, with a house and a small pension to live on. My Mom, a Filipina-Italian-American, had been living in the US for sixteen years at the time and decided that life without my Dad was too unbearable in a foreign country, so she sold our house and moved us a continent away - back to her homeland, and away from mine.

I was eleven at the time and had no say in the matter, as any child of that age does; my opinion and protests did not matter to her. She was lonely; a grieving widow with a daughter to raise. I acquiesced.

My first visit to my mother's country of birth came four months after my Dad passed away on February 20. It was my summer break. I had missed out on a lot of school since the night he died. The months following his death were a blur - for both of us. Life was sadder, scarier, simpler, without Daddy. And all of a sudden we were on a plane to go to an island I had only read about in a book called "Let's Visit the Philippines".

That being my only point of reference, I imagined a land sans cars and gasoline-powered vehicles and in their place, carabaos and tiny boats as means of transportation. I'm glad I was proven wrong!

We couldn't afford to go back to the states for yearly vacations like many Filipinos do, so we settled for one six-week trip in 1984. We were supposed to be gone for eight weeks but I got homesick. I had fallen madly in love with Manila.

In 1997, I buried my beloved mother. She suffered a massive heart attack five days before her 67th birthday. Whatever hopes I kept of ever going back to the States were crushed. But God has a way of doing the impossible and in 2006, the office sent me to LA to attend a conference.

I haven't stopped thinking about how great it felt to finally go home. Even for just a week. From then on, I've thought of nothing but going back.

song playing on my ipod: home by explosions in the sky. lovet. lovet. lovet.