Days 31-36 of 90: One Month and One Eye

Today the 24th marks my fourth week in Tallahassee and my fifth back in the US. Back, because I spent the first eleven years of my life in the Pacific Northwest primarily. Portland, Oregon was where we last lived and where my father passed away when I was eight years old. So in case you may be wondering why I always say "back", this is why.

I've been job-searching this past week and despite not finding anything yet I am in faith that God is preparing the best job for me. It's been an interesting study, this revisiting my work history and hoping it will open doors for me. And while I find things that interest me, I am realizing that the person I was in Manila must start anew in so many ways. Wherein my once well- and widely-connected self had access to almost anything and anyone, here where I am a stranger and a nobody at that, I am learning more and more to trust in a God whose plans for me far exceed anything I can imagine. It's all good. I am "forgetting what is behind and pressing on to win the prize"!

I don't recognize myself at times. I step outside of me and see and hear how much this experience is changing me. My timid smile, my self-conscious questions, my soft voice. I am surprised at how different I've become! How polar opposite! Self-confident, independent, articulate and boisterous me, reduced to a meek, soft-voiced, shy shell. I guess it's a phase. A season. A dream that I hope to wake up from soon and find myself like I once was.

Or not. I don't know how to describe it. And for those who know me well, you're probably laughing at how different my description of self sounds from how you may remember me. I give myself until the end of the year, or sooner, to be my old self again.

Here's a poem I found that was written by my pastor, Lani Peck.

Typhoon

Better far to be alive
To choose and suffer and survive
To see the stars and dare new lands
With empty pockets, blistered hands
Than trudge, in step, the well-worn trail
Where wind and wave cannot assail
Where all is safe and all approve
Where the mountains never move
I sail this course with him who said
He had nowhere to lay his head
I live! I live and am not dead!

Kyera and I are now waiting for her visa to be issued. She was told that it would take anywhere between one to three weeks should there be no more requirements requested. We're believing that she'll be here by the week of November 10 - 17. Please pray with us.

Here's me in my job search attire. Getting dressed up does wonders for ones self-confidence. Hopefully, it will do wonders for my job hunting.

Michael had surgery done on his left eye. A shunt was inserted in his eyeball to drain fluid that is a symptom of the early stage of glaucoma. What was only supposed to be a routine procedure turned out to have complications (very rare!) and resulted in such severe pain, he had to return the following day for a repeat of the surgery! He's on his way to recovery but still in pain. Please pray for him. Here's his eye, published with his permission. It's not visible in the photo, but the whites around his iris are actually red and raw. Ouch.


The recent news of the bombing of Glorietta came to me as soon as it happened because of the wonders of Twitter. (You have to sign up to understand...) I pray for the loved ones of those who died. Here's a letter from a husband of one of the victims.

Life is indeed short.

Days 27-29 of 90: Express America

It's been a slow past few days for me. I've been sending out my resume and filling out online applications so I thought I'd compile a shortlist of some of the things that I just can't get enough of from my almost 30 days here into my new life.

Drive-Thru Whatever

Janet and I had to deposit checks recently and as I computed our travel time and parking time and lining up at a teller time, I was shocked when she drove us through the side of our bank to a four-lane covered drive-thru. At the touch of her finger tips (on the driver's side of a vehicle), a vacuum tube spit out a plastic canister for us to place our deposit slips. The tube then shot back inside and returned to us in three minutes, received and stamped and ready to be credited the following day.

As we drove away, I couldn't help but be amazed at how efficient the whole thing was! My mind had been set on taking at least forty-five minutes.

Another day, we paid for the electricity the same way. One of my friends on Twitter sent me a message asking me if I had seen any drive-thru liquor stores! Apparently, you drive up, place your order, show your ID and voila, you drive home with your six-pack.

Self-Check Out Counters

You know how there are express lanes at the supermarket for baskets with twenty items or less? Here in the US, Americans have taken this express-ness even further with the Self-Check Out Counters for ten items or less.


After watching Janet do it at Wal-Mart one day, I was brave enough to try it out myself at our nearby Winn-Dixie. You simply swipe the bar code and the amount will appear on a touchscreen monitor while a voice will instruct you on what to do. You then place the item inside a bag. When you finish, you simply touch "Finished" on the monitor and the amount you owe will then be totaled. Payments can be in cash, credit or debit card.


Because I'm new at the whole thing, I tried removing a head of lettuce that I had just swiped on the bar code. The monitor said there was an error so naturally, I tried removing and re-doing what I had just done. As I reached inside the bag, the voice told me, "Do Not Remove Item". Whoa. How did it know?! It detected a shift in the bag's weight?! Or it saw me with its own eyes?!

A real person then came to my rescue and explained that it was just an error and to ignore it and then proceeded to swipe a card to correct the machine.

Bottom's Up

So the concept of fast food refillable drinks was something that I had missed at Burger King in the Philippines. I remember when the Galleria branch had just opened how one could go back as many times as they wanted for refills. That soon changed and the only place I remember getting refillable drinks was at a restaurant. Here though, almost every place I've been to so far has refillable drinks. It's almost been a month and yet I still find myself asking Janet if it's okay!

Have Internet, Will Do Almost Anything

It seems that almost everything here is or can be done online. I've walked into stores to ask about job openings only to be told to fill out an application on their websites. Borrowing books, magazines or videos from the public library? Do it online. Ordering a pizza? Do it online. Renting a car? Do it online. Paying for a magazine subscription? Do it online. I now understand the movie Die Hard 4.0 and why the US seemed doomed without John McClane's help. America does everything online!

Let Me Do the Dishes, Please

My favorite thing to do now in the US is anything that lets me play with the appliances. Dishwashers and washing machines and dryers are my new toys. I think it's because once upon a time, many, many years ago, I was a young wife who had to do chores with my hands every single day. But now that I have machines to do them for me, I love that all I need to do is throw stuff inside the said machines for them to do all the hard work!

Then again, the novelty could wear off.

Life in America for the most part has been mind-boggling, humbling. And I don't know if or when I'll get used to it. I can't wait to see how amazed Kyera will be.

I pray that it be soon. I miss her.

Days 18-21: The Little Things

It's the little things in my new life in Florida that are falling into comfortable places to make me feel like I'm home. I've been back in the US as an adult for... twenty-one days now. It's been an interesting journey so far and as I hit the 21st day habit-forming mark, I must say that I'm more comfortable in my surroundings. And though I know it will take a while before I can genuinely feel like I'm home (including Kyera's arrival), it is getting easier to be here.

Airplane ads flying in the sky reminded me of a long ago time as a child looking up at a noontime sky. I have yet to see the kinds that write messages in smoke though, if those are still around.


My second Pancake Saturday at our pastor's house is becoming something I look forward to on the weekend. It's a great way to just hang out with and meet new people, people not just from church, but people who are from nearby FSU (Florida State University).

Although I've been told that one can only have so many pancakes in a year, lots of people come just to have coffee and company. It's a fifteen year old tradition! I'm told that one Saturday, seventy people showed up! Pancake batter - both regular and my personal favorite whole wheat - is mixed and ready to be made, along with eggs that are ready to be scrambled or fried. (Everyone makes his or her own.)

One of my co-workers is a seventy year-old Filipino lolo (grandfather) whose grandchild celebrated a birthday. In true Filipino tradition, he brought food to work and shared it with all of us. I didn't realize how much I missed good old-fashioned menudo, palabok, lechon manok and plain white rice until I ate this for breakfast the following morning!

The music Sunday morning was comforting in the sense that we sang familiar songs - Chris Tomlin and Hillsong. It may be a far cry from the music I'm used to at my beloved Victory Christian Fellowship - Alabang, but it felt good to be with others who love God just as much.

I was told that different types of music - classical, full band, Indian drums - are used so I'm looking forward to experiencing this in the coming weeks.

In the midst of all this, as I find myself upside down and sideways at times, God always comes to my rescue and sets me upright and secure. I am experiencing Him in new ways that I otherwise would never have known. I don't know how to explain how it feels to have verses leap out to you everyday to bring strength, peace, joy and love. Words that though very familiar, now have new, deeper meanings!

I must admit though that I have had moments wherein I've wanted to board a plane and fly home but I know that this is not an option. For now. So I walk on the water with my Savior, and let Him rescue me whenever I start to sink. I am amazed how He could love me so!

I still miss Kyera so, so very much. But it's the little things like chatting with her, getting her and others' Twitter posts, reading peoples' Multiply posts, receiving Personal Messages and e-mail, that I look forward to the most everyday. I've found a Filipino-American association here and will be looking into introducing myself to them soon. I'm realizing more and more how Filipino I truly am. I'll save my third culture analogies for another blog.

Finally, I have batteries for my ancient CD player and I am now listening to Jose's album Glorious. Hearing it makes me feel like I'm back in Manila. But I know that from now on, I will make new memories to his songs.

song playing on my aiwa: jose villanueva's the lord reigns

Day 2: Thelma Looks Small... Sorta

(Disclaimer! I need to warn you before you proceed that I look hideous in these very unflattering pics of myself. But since I wanted my posts to be as honest as possible, you'll catch me in all my unmade up glory.

You've been warned.)

Still recovering from my jetlag. Slept close to midnight last night and woke at 5AM. Forced myself back to sleep and got up at 9 then slept again at 12. Was hoping it would be a short nap but I ended up waking at 330PM!

Here's me in the kitchen. Look at how 5'2" me is coping with these American sized sinks and countertops!

I love that I didn't have to actually wash anything. Just rinsed off the grease and food and dumped everything in the dishwaher. Having lived in Manila, I can't imagine why as a kid in Portland, Oregon, I used to complain about "doing the dishes".



It's almost past midnight now and I'm psyching myself up to sleep. I'm best friends with Craigs List as I search for a room to rent that's near the Metro (train to DC) and my friends (Vincent and Cecile).

I miss Kyera but I also realize that me being here ahead of her really is for the better. One of us needs to be ahead on the learning curve! I'm so glad that because of Twitter and YM she's not too far away from me. Nor are my other beloved Twitter friends in Manila. I'm so thankful too that because of blogs and social networking, the world is smaller. Not the same, but almost just as good as the real thing.

Will try to go to sleep now. Tomorrow I will call the people I've e-mailed about their rooms. Hopefully, my next post will be from my new temporary home!

Since I Don't Have an iPhone, Let Me Entertain Myself with a Blogthing...

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything. You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word. Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world. You get along well with: The Pinky Stay away from: The Index Finger

What Finger Are You?

The ball is now in my court. Visa Application papers are waiting to be filled; official, local government documents are waiting to be procured; my bank account is waiting to be credited.

Waiting.

Almost feels like the wait for the iPhone that I didn't actually wait for but waited for vicariously with my Twitter friends in the US.

You know what I mean?

Now all I need is to find a Pinky and I will be a happy girl.

podcast on itunes at work: joel osteen's Trust God to Do It His Way

Almost Step Two

I called the US Embassy in Manila on a whim yesterday to ask if they'd allow me to follow up on K's petition.

The man I spoke to asked for her name... silence... keyboard typing sounds... "G..H..I..J..K..L (K's full name)... Yes. This was approved last... June 4. We sent it to the Immigration Section June 8. You can call this number to follow up with them."

"Wow! Thanks!" I replaced the receiver and stared at my Twitter page. Tears welled up in my eyes.

*screaming and jumping up and down* 17's petition was approved!!!!! from web

I whispered a silent prayer of thanks and proceeded to send an SMS to my closest friends.

The waiting continues though. This time, for the papers to arrive at our house.

But I'm not complaining.

My petition for my daughter's been approved. That's all that matters at this point.

Sigh of relief.

A Page from My Dream Book

Didn't realize it's been more than a week since we've posted. Lots of things going on in real life. I'm sure you know how that gets in the way. And my Twitterholicism allows me my daily blogging fix so if you're on Twitter, you understand the feeling, and convenience, of a micro-blog!

As I type this entry, it is a quiet Saturday morning in our apartment in Manila. I am now officially borrowing the iPod video that I used to own. I gave it to K whose iPod mini is on its death throes. It's either a glitch from its 2005 manufacturing or just the full extent of its lifespan. Sigh. If only they weren't so expensive here in the Philippines...

Expense is relative though depending on ones point of reference. Standards of living come into play. And because the Philippines is a developing country, what is cheap here to those in developed countries costs us an arm and a leg, or a Christmas Bonus, to get.

Interestingly, everyone whom I have consulted with and shared to about my plans to move back to the US are unanimous: "It would be great for you, two!"; "You'll finally be able to afford a car!"; "You'll get to replace your stolen iBook with a MacBook Pro!" They encourage and excite us with the possibilities.

The most recent encouragement came from a friend with three small boys whose job assigned her to LA for two years. She and her family have been back since last year and she told me: "Your daughter's already grown up. It'll be easier for you because you won't have to spend on Day Care or babysitting or juggling a job and a small child alone." I smiled at the reassurance. Our conversation ended with her voting for us to go to Orlando.

We are now in the middle of waiting for K's petition to be approved; the decision on our destination is still up in the air but our choices have been narrowed to either Orlando or Pearl City . So while we wait and stretch our faith, we pass the time with dreaming.

One of mine comes from a page from my dream book in 1999. I was in the middle of starting my direct marketing business and we were required to paste pictures of our dreams with deadlines in a scrapbook so we would stay motived to network, call, and meet with potential business partners. Pages were filled with vacation spots, cars, furniture, schools and cities around the world.

A page with a picture of Rockefeller Center at Christmastime showing ice skaters and the beautiful tree is nestled in between my dream of going to Disneyland and Paris. Pictures that I glued to my dream book eight years ago. My due date for New York was 2001.

Here we are, in a different season in our lives, making steps to accomplish a long forgotten dream. Without opening my old NuSkin scrapbook, my heart found Rockefeller Center at Christmas tucked away and filed under "Warm and Fuzzy Thoughts".

So this is now one of my goals - take K ice skating at Rockefeller Center for Christmas and her 18th birthday in December 2007.

May I ask that you pray with us that this dream come true...?

song playing on my ipod: you are my joy by the reindeer section

Step One Point Five

It's filed. My daughter's petition is now officially with the US Embassy and we are now tasked with the part that requires patience - the waiting.

Today was uneventful. Unlike yesterday. The difference? My attitude mostly. I went there completely surrendered to whatever was going to come at me. My God is in control! I repeated to myself over and over.

I disarmed the guards with my smile, surrendered all three of my electronic devices - two mobile phones and my iPod - at the security check, sat down at the DHS and waited for numbers to be distributed, and went to the window when it was my turn.

Same officer. Better mood. I made small talk, which I routinely do, and I was off to pay the required fees.

After a stop at the American Services section, an hour later I was out the door and on my way to work.

Lessons learned today:

Hundreds of Filipinos line up at the US Embassy in Manila everyday. Each one wanting, or needing, to go to America. All walks of life are represented in the long lines and waiting areas: the ultra-rich, the well-educated, the uncultured, the regular Juans and even the poor; all hoping to get their taste of the US. Each one lining up at the crack of dawn to face their dreams, or dread, of sitting across the powers at the embassy that will decide their fate.

If there is a will, there are many ways. My goal is to save money and taking cabs for each trip to the embassy is starting to burn a hole in my pretty purse(s). Today, I discovered an alternative form of transportation in the form of a neighborhood shuttle. Not only did I save on travel expenses, I got to clock in a good number of steps on my trusty pedometer from my five block walk (7,373 steps so far and the day is far from over!). As of last count, I now know three routes to the embassy. Admittedly, cabs are the fastest way to get there.

Someone knows more than me. Two of my good friends, R and J, are way ahead of me in the game and the ones who pushed me to follow their lead. Because of their lessons learned, I have a much clearer path to walk on. And because they have been where I now am, I truly appreciate the encouragement and comfort they provide when they say, "We understand how you feel!" The best part is having someone tell me, "Here's what you need to do next..."

People are thinking the world of K and I. My pastors and friends are all cheering us on through this. The scriptures they share and the little smiley faces they send to my mobile keep me propped up. Without them, and my new friends in the blogosphere and on Twitter, this journey would be a significantly bigger challenge.

K and I have officially begun altering the course of our existence. It hasn't fully set in that the people we love dearly - our friends and family in Manila - will be left behind. I refuse to dwell on the thought that potentially, we may never see them again. Thank God for cyberspace, our world is much smaller and people are only a website, a chat, a Skype call, and a Twit away. Nevertheless, I sigh at the possibility.

Staff raised like Moses, we now wait for God to do the rest. Whatever that may be.

song playing on my ipod: you're all i have by snow patrol

A Work in Progress

So I set up this blog and convinced K to do a tag team post with me but she is... shy. More like... daunted and says she's not as... good as me at this.

I disagree. My seventeen year old is one of the most level-headed, most intelligent, most talented around. And I say that not just because I'm her mother. She has been home schooled since third grade and has turned out smarter than others her age. Very self-reliant and internet-savvy, my wee one is. Growing up with a mom like me, she's had to be. And I mean that in a single-parent-who's-had-to-work-all-her-child's-life kind of way. She's learned a lot on her own.

Now we both, twitter and technorati, and wordpress and multiply, and now, this, together.

She says she doesn't know what to post about our leaving Manila. I'm guessing she's still processing the reality. One look at the description I wrote for this blog and she started to tear. "We're leaving, Mom."

"Yes, we are. God willing."

Blogging about this together will help us both come to terms with this transition. And someday, when we've gotten to Point B from Point A, we will be able to look back at this blog and smile from wherever Point B is.