The Beauty of Silence

It's our final thirteen days in Orlando, Florida. Thirteen days. My head is still spinning when I think about this and I must admit that it hasn't fully sunken in that we are driving north to Nashville, Tennessee to restart life anew.

I can't count the times I thought that we would be stuck here - me in my job as a club concierge at a fancy hotel and K as a receptionist at an eye clinic - or how many times I gave up all hope of ever working in a job that would maximize all of my gifts and abilities; a job that would not feel like a job but would feel like a perfect fit, a glove of my former career.

It was well into my third month at the first hotel I worked at (which is the sister property of where I work now) that I plummeted to the depths of self-pity. There I was, in the first job I could get in the US (not counting my three week stint as a housekeeper) after looking for four months and sending out close to 100 resumes, busing tables, replenishing drinks, making gallons of coffee and preparing buffet presentations for high-paying hotel guests, every day. My fingers would sometimes get smeared with leftover food, my muscles would strain from lifting cases of soda and beer, my mind, seemingly slowed from lack of stimulation.

Of course there were days that I had to make difficult dinner reservations for large groups while giving directions to another theme park to another guest and reading babysitting rates for another. My radio career was good training for entertaining and talking people up!

But wallow in self-pity I did. Each day a divine act of grace to get to and from work with a smile on my face. Each day a wrestling match with my Maker.

"Father, how long is life going to be like this for us?"

"Did I make a mistake in coming to Orlando?"

"Where do we go? What do we do?"

My resumes kept going out and kept getting ignored.

Each day, silence. All I knew, all I sensed, was that God loved, that He was near and that someday, everything was going to be alright.

One day, I was promoted to supervisor at our sister hotel, which is where I work now, and then two months later, I suddenly wasn't. My glimmer of hope was just that.

So there I was, wallowing in self-pity, questioning my ability to hear God when facebook set me straight.

I wrote a quick note to one of my dear pastors, Rey Corpuz:

It's been a tough year readjusting to a country I left as a child of 12. Napakahirap po magsimula sa Amerika! (It's so hard to start life in America!) Not like people who come here on work visas who land jobs on their same career path, I'm seen as a local who lived overseas too long.

So I work at a hotel, the only place that would hire me! No complaints since I just got promoted to supervisor. I'm a club concierge and I love working with guests. (we serve food, buss tables and make restaurant reservations) But a part of me wonders if I will ever get to do what I did before - communications in the ministry.

Perhaps that is the Egypt I must leave behind? I don't know. But with each step of the way, I only thank God for even allowing me AND Kyera to have a job.

(She was hired on the spot when she got her eyes checked for glasses! She's the front desk person for a Christian Haitian optometrist, and she also knows how to measure eyesight with those contraptions!)

She's not in school yet because we haven't been able to afford it but we're believing that next year God will make it happen.

His reply left me in tears:

what a blessing to hear testimonies of His faithfulness to you and kyera. ms menchie and i are so proud of you both exercising God's gift of work. doing your work for God is real worship which i call 'workship'. both of you are 'communicating' the life of Christ in you to people around you. so you haven't left your communications ministry, you're just doing it there instead of manila with the partnership of kyera to boot. and about egypt? the real egypt is in the heart where discontent, murmuring, complaining and dissatisfaction reside. it is the heart that is not most satisfied in the God of creation, salvation and provision. come to think of it, leaving our egypt is not the issue at all; it is removing all of egypt from our heart.

And so I shut up, embraced the status quo, and became... still. No dreams other than wanting to please God, no requests other than having Him by my side, no comfort other than His Hand holding mine.

Suddenly, out of the blue, a message about a possible opening at the US office of my former employers, Every Nation Ministries. A visit, an interview, a job offer, an acceptance and then here and now, the final two weeks in Orlando.

I don't know what else to say. My fourteen months at the hotel has been a most beautifully grace-and mercy-filled season. God allowed for me to stay in a "dungeon" where I had unlimited access to free food; free movie tickets; free entrances to theme parks and concierge perks at expensive restaurants. In His infinite wisdom, He permitted me to work in a job that would show me how much I love people.

And yet every step of the way, I kept seeing what I did not have, friends and a career in communications.

So here I am, humbled, pinching myself that I am returning to the job I loved dearly, in an office I never thought I would be working for again.

We truly, never deserve the goodness He lavishes. Everything is icing on the cake of His Mercy.

Coming and Going Again

Exits and Entrances has been silent not for lack of inspiration, but for fear of oversharing information. Too much has been going on that cannot be divulged. One thing that happened was sad and disheartening, and involves people whose identities I will not name here; another thing is exciting and has been long anticipated, but since the dust has not yet settled, I will wait for a better time to go into details.

What I can say, is that the daughter, the dog and I are packing our bags and leaving Orlando once and for all. How do we feel about this? Ecstatic. How soon will this happen? As soon as possible.

This now brings the total number of times we've moved to fourteen. I chronicled our former Philippine addresses into a blog and will continue the count here:

12. The Dinh Apartment, Alexandria, VA

I landed in DC September 19, 2007. I didn't accept the job offer I had there and found myself in Tallahassee, FL instead with the Turners.

13. John St., Orlando, FL

Lived with a long-lost aunt for a season. K arrived in the US November 13th.

14. XXXX XXXXX XX, Orlando, FL

The place we've called home since May 2008.

You'd think I'd be a pro at this by now but I'm still trying to figure out the logistics of leaving and moving to another state. While the stress and sheer magnitude is daunting, I must admit I'm just so ready to hit the road again and hopefully settle down for good. Good being a solid ten years or longer in one place.

Crossing my fingers. Please God. Please.

Excuse me while I disappear back into real life and start packing and boxing our lives.

Keep you posted.

Sunday Thought Swirl

I'm cooking a late brunch. It's my first Sunday off since becoming a supervisor at our sister hotel. It goes without saying that Kyera and I have been missing church. Missing our church in Manila, to be exact. If you've read through the older posts on this blog, you'll notice that at the start, I would wander off onto a spiritual tangent from time to time. It was much more evident that my faith was/is such a huge part of my life.

I guess somewhere along the way - as with many other things in life - I tried striking a balance by including other aspects of our move into this blog. I find it difficult to articulate this morning; this looking back at where we were and where we are. (No doubt, due in part to the new omelet recipe I'm trying out and in the middle of cooking...) But two things come to mind that almost explain what I think and feel after a year back in the US. They'll be blogs very soon:

The Novelty of Squirrels, and
In Search of the Perfect Door

Happy Sunday! Wherever you are and whatever it is you're doing.

We Hauled

Now that my best friend and her son have headed to the West Coast and we Orlandoans are settling back into our quiet, best friend-less existence. I'm trying to play catch up with this blog more consistently. Once this is back full steam ahead, I'll start poking around my other neglected web presence lairs. Whenever that will happen...

Kyera and I are no strangers to moving. In fact, we are veterans at it. We moved twelve times in our last ten years in the Philippines. From our home in Paranaque, to condos and apartments in Pasig, Marikina, the Ortigas Center, Mandaluyong and Paranaque again, we managed to go from a five-bedroom house when my mom was alive, to a two-bedroom townhouse before moving to Florida. In the process, we've lost things, had things stolen from us, and given away more than we owned, all with the help of a beloved house helper. Twelve times was a cinch because of Coni, Jenny, Jerome, and Mary Ann. They each worked with us at different times but without any of them, we would not have been able to keep our sanity through each round of packing and unpacking.

My part was easy. Call the movers, book the movers, pay the movers, and make several trips hauling what I could in my car. I told the girls what to pack, they packed what I wanted and unpacked where I wanted things to go. That, and still making sure K and I were fed and had clean clothes to wear.

Now that I am in their shoes and then some, I can't help but laugh that this is payback time. In a karmic way, the combined exhaustion of all my helpers seems to have been collected from me in just one move here in the US. One official move, that is, from my aunt's house to an apartment. (DC to Tally to Orlando in two months doesn't count since I was living out of two suitcases.) We would have had just two suitcases each to move were it not for my aunt emptying the entire contents of her house onto our laps! We moved into our two-bedroom, two-bathroom apartment with more than what we actually needed – a washer/dryer, a bed, a couch, kitchen chairs, two TVs and millions of spoons, plates and mixing bowls. My Turners from Tally came to visit and bought us a kitchen table and other essentials. Then my pastor gave us a bed, a coffee table and a TV. Three TVs and no cable and two laptops and no internet (We got online starting last Saturday!). But still!

Ten months later back in the US and I'm learning new things about everything at every turn.

Utilities are connected after a phone call or internet payment. Not so in the Philippines. Electricity and water is already available when you move in unless you live in an area that requires a water delivery service. Cable and internet require applications and waiting periods.

Here, applications, credit, background and rental history checks are needed before moving in. In the Philippines, you see a place, you like a place, you pay a reservation fee or a full down payment and the place is yours. After you give a down payment though, a Philippine landlord lets you have the keys to the place to give you time to move in at your leisure. Not so the case here. You only get the key when all documentation has been signed and a move-in date has been decided.

So many differences but the one thing that is the same is the exhaustion that comes with moving. Our muscles were pushed to their limits. I think that's bound to happen no matter where in the world you are unpacking. Unless, of course, you have your own live-in maid to do it for you. If not, welcome to the club.

Here are some scenes of the fun we call, "Moving House":

Oh the lovely boxes that filled our shared room in my aunt's house.

It often felt like we lived inside a huge box within a box. But it was home for us for seven months.

We never imagined the day to move out would come so soon. Or that we would have seven-foot pastoral help carrying our furniture.

We were pretty sure our old car would be our trusty workhorse.

And that we would have to make another trip a week later to pick up more stuff.

And ultimately, become a present resident where we had once been a future one.

posted from our dining room in the newly connected $ 20.00 monthly internet subscribed abode

Getting Back Into the Groove

Since my last post, life got in the way and I found myself caught up in the daily-ness of living. While I'm not one to shy away from the internet, I am one to find myself kept away from it for lack of internet connection and/or lack of computer. You'd think that since getting my $ 50 BlackBerry, complete with data plan, that I'd be updating and uploading away everyday! Ever organized me certainly has a blog or networking site for any occasion or… mood. Twitter, Pownce and Jaiku for mini-blogging; WordPress for work; Multiply for my Victory Christian Fellowship, Every Nation Churches and Philippine networks; Vox for randomness; tumblr for cyberfinds and picture stories; spock, last.fm, iLike and facebook for everything else. The goal was to update everything at the touch of my mobile BlackBerry fingers.

But the road of blogging intentions has blocks known as "waking up at 4:45AM to be at work by 6", and "getting off of work at 2:30PM to take the bus to Kyera's office to go home together at 4PM" and "getting home at 4:40PM to clean the house, do laundry, dishes and cook dinner", and "falling asleep the second my head hits the pillow at 11PM".

Before you accuse me of whining, please know that I spent the last twenty-seven years of my life in a country where having maids is the norm. While my parents did raise me in the US without household help, moving to a country where you don't have to do any of this does make it hard when you move back to a country where you do. Sure, I don't have to do laundry by hand (which I am proud to say my mother did teach me) and I have all these toys – vacuum cleaner, dishwasher, hardcore bathroom cleansers, etc. – to make having to do all these things easier, but the cold fact is that I still have to do these things myself. My chores won't magically get done without my fairy dust a.k.a. sweat.

So, in between all these fun activities, we managed to move into our own place, Kyera managed to get hired part-time by her eye doctor, we got another laptop care of something called "Credit Limit Increase", and Rocco became part of our family.

We're not connected to the internet yet but now that I have my laptop all to myself, I am re-managing my time by spending my Sunday afternoons at home blogging and posting through the magic of time stamping. Free Wi-Fi at the library is an amazing thing. And so's the one at Panera at the Mall at Millenia.

Let's see how this goes.

song playing in my head: madonna's get into the groove

Leaving on a Jet Plane via NWA

Mind Map of Things To Do This Week Include:

1. Department of Education
2. Bureau of Immigration
3. Department of Social Welfare and Devlopment
4. Recording a reunion show with Zach
5. Guesting on my alma mater in radio - 99.5RT
6. Lunch dates with friends
7. Dinner dates with friends
8. Coffee dates with friends
9. Beach trip with friendsli>
10. Hair cut with old stylist
11. GMA recordings
12. Adfarm recordings
13. NU107 recordings
14. Turning over office work
15. Replacement for work
16. E-mail the ex-husband
17. Boxing stuff
18. Packing my suitcase
    
19. Spend time with Kyera
20. Spend time with Kyera
21. Spend time with Kyera
22. Spend time with Kyera
23. Spend time with Kyera
24. Spend time with Kyera
25. Spend time with Kyera
26. Spend time with Kyera
27. Spend time with Kyera
28. Spend time with Kyera
29. Spend time with Kyera
30. Spend time with Kyera
31. Spend time with Kyera
32. Spend time with Kyera
33. Spend time with Kyera
34. Spend time with Kyera
35. Spend time with Kyera
36. Spend time with Kyera
37. Spend time with Kyera
38. Spend time with Kyera
39. Spend time with Kyera
40. Spend time with Kyera

song playing on limewire: non-photo blue by pinback

There are Places I Remember

Couldn't resist borrowing a line from The Beatles. I've sifted through more than half of our belongings and am almost at the second part - more sifting.

I'm trying to be brutal and ruthless with all this discarding and donating. It's been hard on my emotions and time. How do I throw away memories? May I please have more hours in my day to get through the tearing and sweating and dusting? In order to streamline the process even further, I will be purging yet again from the things that already survived the first round.

As I go over old documents and notebooks and pictures, I come across old billing statements with my former addresses. It got me wanting to list all the places we lived from the day we left our home after my mother passed away in 1997.

I think this is the best way to remind myself how diverse our journey has been. When I finally have a scanner, I will insert images for the addresses that have them.

Here goes:

1. Humility Corner Kindness Streets, Multinational Village, Paranaque City
The second home I lived in since moving to the Philippines. My mom had this five-bedroom house built. It was sold after she passed away in 1997.

2. 202 Jakel Mansion, Pasig City
My first attempt at fixing my "own" place. This large two-bedroom condo was situated near the highway so you can imagine the wonders it did for my asthma. It was a mid-rise walk up that had four floors.

3. 304 Jakel Mansion, Pasig City
I learned the hard way that I couldn't afford the spacious two-bedroom unit so my landlord kindly allowed me to move to a much smaller two-bedroom condo one floor up. He even re-financed my deposit and converted it to the new place.

4. JP Laurel St, Marikina City
As soon as our contract ended (and I returned to NU107 after a year's return to 99.5RT), I opted for a much cheaper place. The only downside was that it was in a heavily-flooded area.

5. San Isidro St., Metroville Subdivision, Pasig City
The novelty of living in a flooded area wore off so we followed my best friends when they moved out and moved into a small neighborhood apartment four blocks away from them.

6. 2002 Renaissance Tower, Meralco Avenue, Pasig City
I started a network marketing business and moved into a place I really couldn't afford. It was gorgeous though - 6 pools, 4 tennis courts, gym, and parking. K and I shared its one-bedroom and its breath-taking view of Antipolo, Marikina and Pasig. New Year's was spectacular with fireworks going off seemingly right outside our window.

7. 1804 Mega Plaza, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
Bit the bullet again and moved into a two-bedroom condo in the heart of the bustling business district. We were right across a mall that we used as our entertainment center since we had no TV. Our movie budget though skyrocketed.

8. Hillside St., Cityland Townhomes, Pasig City
I went bankrupt from my business and couldn't afford to live in our nice condo. My friend kindly took us in for a season until we got back on our feet again.

9. 3005 Mega Plaza, Ortigas Center, Pasig City
I got a second job and we returned to our beloved favorite building. This time, to a simple studio. I eventually left radio and worked as a Communications Manager for a call center down the road from our place. It took me ten minutes to walk to my desk everyday.

10. 2204 Paragon Plaza, Mandaluyong City
I was pirated by another center. We moved to a much nicer condo closer to my new job in Makati. Our building was right on EDSA, the main thoroughfare of Metro Manila. My asthma loved this place.

11. Paranaque City
My then office relocated its headquarters to Alabang. At first, I didn't think it would be difficult to take the bus every day 75 kilometers back and forth. But practicality took over and we returned in 2005 to the beloved city we left behind almost ten years ago.

In some ways, I'm reminded of the Israelites wandering in the desert after leaving Egypt. They followed a pillar of fire and a cloud to get to their promised land. But whereas our journey has taken us full circle back to our roots, I wonder if my returning to the US is actually just another stop on my journey that will one day bring me back to the Philippines, or another country. Or if the US is the place I will call home for good.

It's too soon to tell. What I do know for sure, is that I don't want to miss out on where the pillar or the cloud are going.

Wherever that will be.

song playing on k's old ipod mini: save tonight by eagle eye cherry

Yes, I Blog Too

Hello there!

I was just looking through our blog when i realized that my mom has A LOT of blogs on this. And I'm supposed to be the one with a lot of spare time. So, mom, sorry for not writing as much as you want me to.

Anyway, on to me. Hehehe! My interview with the US embassy is set on September 5th. I'm pretty nervous about it. My medical, which is set exactly a week before my interview, is making me even more nervous. I really really really hope they give me a girl doctor! Right??

Hmmm... Let's go talk about fun stuff now. I'm excited about shopping for a suitcase for me! But, I'm not about to get a pink one. No, mom! NO! I don't care if grey is "old". I'd rather be mistaken as old than as a cutie-patootie. I'm not really looking forward to the packing part... But, I think i can manage...

So... there you have it. That's what I've been thinking about. Interview, medical, suitcase colors, and packing my closet.

Monkey Wrench

Dear Thelma and Kyera,

We apologize for the inconvenience but your presence is not welcome at our home after all.

Sorry for the short notice.

Hope you find a place to transfer to for a month until you leave.

Good luck.


Love,
S

Yup. That was my Saturday morning. Above conversation actually took place over K's cell phone. Had a good sob over the whole matter and watched Blades of Glory to forget the phone call. It worked. Chazz and Jimmy had me tearing and gasping for breath in a good way.

K and I have our fingers are crossed that we can extend. Otherwise, we'll be crashing on someone's couch.

Please pray for us.

I'm reminding myself that all things work together for good.

Five Sleeps Left

Our lease is up on our current apartment. Actually it ended as of May 15, 2007. But because of this whole "moving back to the US" project, it didn't make sense to lease a new place for a few months; that, and it would have been too astronomical a price to pay.

So I did the next best thing any orphaned only child would do. I asked my ex-mother-in-law if her grandchild, together with her mother, could move in. She agreed.

We move in on August 15.

And we still haven't packed; still haven't sorted through our junk; still haven't realized the full ramifications of moving into someone else's home.

That last part is going to be a stretch for us seeing that we are so used to having our own space. Ten years will definitely a comfortable space make.

Wish us well as we divide our lives into piles labeled "Dump", "Donate", "Deliver".

I promise to be as ruthless as possible. No more pack rat-ing of stuff.

My motto is, "If it won't fit into two suitcases and two boxes, it has no place in my life."

Errands and the City

Day 2 of my crossing-out-my-Mind-Map-To-Do's kind of day. It's the second of my two-day Vacation Leave from the office.

So much for vacation.

It's been years since K and I actually did anything together. My last trip out of town was overnight for a wedding in beautiful Boracay last February. We haven't actually done anything like booking a reservation somewhere and tiring ourselves out getting to said somewhere and just... relaxing.

But it's all good. And as usual, I'm digressing.

So. We went to a statistics office yesterday and then I had to head to another side of town for K's Alternative Learning test results (Yes, Alternative Learning. Fodder for another blog. Sorry. Too long to get into here!). I waited an hour for the coordinator only to be told I had to go to the Department of Education for another set of documents.

Which brings me to today. A one-hour bus ride, a government office, a metro train ride to another side of town, then a recording studio to pick up copies of some of the commercials I voiced, then other side of town near home to meet up with K.

The second of only a couple more errand-driven days to come before September 20, or possibly sooner.

Here's wishing us all stress-free days! Or the storm-proof calm of knowing this too shall pass!

Two Suitcases and Two Boxes

I haven't allowed myself to sit back and fully comprehend the fact that I am leaving. I finally looked at airfare rates yesterday and looked at one-way ticket prices. I picked a date - September 20. I will be flying in Economy to the tune of approximately $ 700-750. Or twice the price if Kyera and I leave together.

But things might change and I might leave sooner without her. Everything depends on God's timing and favor.

For the first time since the season we pursued happiness, I am re-discovering what it means to be fully dependent on the Sovereign God who truly, madly, deeply loves me with an everlasting love. It's humbling for a control freak such as myself to have to relinquish the reigns. But if i am to get this done, who better to be in charge than Jesus?

I now begin the task of uprooting my life by starting with our apartment. Thankfully, we hardly have any furniture at this point in our lives. Over the last ten years since my mom's death, we have gone from a five-bedroom house to twelve different condos and apartments, the last being our present rented two-bedroom two-story row house that is barely furnished save for a given dining set, a given bed and recently purchased shelves that would have been the beginning of our never-commencing plan to fix our home.

And yet, for all that we no longer own - a TV, a car, coffee tables, etc. - how do you fit twenty-six and seventeen years into two suitcases and two boxes?

By ruthlessly leaving behind what will weigh us down.

I expect to cry a lot these next six weeks as I sift through the remains of my life in the Philippines. Thank God for His ever present help and comfort.

song playing on itunes: beautiful lord by leland